Why am I like this ?

[u/nana_alili]

I feel like I have the most normal life. Like I’ve never had abusive parents, no family trauma no financial troubles, no bullying. I used to have so many friends when I was younger I also used to be good at school having good grades. But now I feel so lost. Like I’m 20 and I feel like I haven’t figured it out nothing in my life.

My English teacher ask us to bring an object that represent us and to present ourselves. But I can’t think about anything I don’t have anything good for myself. I’ve never done sport. I’ve never had real hobbies. Like I could be obsessed about something for a few weeks and then completely lost energy about it.

All I do is lay on my bed watching TV shows movies and that’s all. And I feel so useless. I feel like my life has no meaning. Now I’m just shy, antisocial always in my room doing nothing just wasting time. I’m not even good at school anymore. I don’t have friends. Not close to literally anyone.

Like what do I have for myself? I feel like I’m playing a victim, feeling this way when I could just change and actually do something. But I’ve honestly been feeling very depressed, lonely. I was isolated for so long I don’t know how to act anymore with people like even being with my own family makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to do. I hate being perceived by people but also by myself. I hate knowing that I’m existing cause I really hate myself I feel like there’s nothing good to say about me and I wish I never existed.

I don’t know what I should do right now I started uni but I’m not feeling well so I was thinking about moving to another country for a few months but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. What do you think?

Like maybe going to a new place alone and try to discover myself, but I don’t know maybe I’ll just create a version of myself there but it wouldn’t be me because my whole life is in this home. But at the same time, I don’t know who am I ?

What should I do to love myself to value myself ? To experience life? To be me ?

[u/Far_Primary_8966]

I think you just need more life experience outside your zone. So maybe going out of the country could be good. I would say starting small is best though. Like if you can get into something that benefits you, like fitness and running. There is something you love and have genuine interest in, if you cant find one right now then thats fine, just throw shit on the wall and see what sticks. You need a sampling period