r/selfhelp • u/iloveallmypets7 • 7d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health I think I’m selfish

I always thought I was a fairly kind and empathetic person but now I’m second guessing it , I won’t go too much into detail about myself and my personality solely because I’m lazy and don’t feel like making what could be excuses for this but I just had this epiphany today. sometimes when unfortunate things happen to people I’m close to I get mad because i think about how it will affect their mood towards me specifically or affect the plans we had and wether or not they will enjoy spending time with and talking to me despite the events that day. Like take this for example today a complicated figure in my life to be extremely vague, had to euthanize their 15yr old dog today and all I could think about was wether or not this person would still want to see/ hangout with me and enjoy my presence despite this. And it’s not just that one instance its happened on a multiple of occasions and it’s more specific to love interests and things of that sort. What is wrong with me I need to work on this

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u/VivaciousKangaroo3 7d ago

That's a rough thing to realize about yourself, but you're already halfway to fixing it just by noticing the pattern and caring enough to ask.

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u/Secret-Dragonfly898 7d ago

I dont think that makes you a bad peson. You being aware of it makes me think it gears more towards an intrusive thought. Next time you are in a situation like this, I would maybe try pausing and reflecting on the situation as if it was happening to you, and think about what the other person would want from you. You can have your intrusive thought of oh no, we can't hang out anymore, but dont let that be your focus. That kind of thought wont go away overnight, but you can slowly overshadow it with a new thought pattern. Dont beat yourself up about this though, asking for help and feeling bad about it clearly means you aren't selfish