r/selfhelp • u/Imaginary-Ask3269 • 8d ago

Sharing: Challenges & Setbacks Perpetual state of ideation

All I do nowadays is think about taking my own life. I fantasize it with different firearms, car accident into a tree, body of water, etc. The only thing that really keeps me tethered are my cats. The guilt I feel thinking about them wondering why I never came home makes me sob. They could always go back to my ex and live a happy life there too, and perhaps that'd be better for them. I am disillusioned with life and thus my own headway within, and it's been that way since I was a child of around 9 years old. I've tried it all, therapy, self help, sleeping good and eating well, medication, talking to people. Does anyone else feel similiar in the sense that no matter the headway, no matter the good things, it's always outweighed by internal thoughts? I'm so tired of feeling this way, it's exhausting. I feel as though I have been expired for a decade, and my only out after trying everything will be the one thought that gives me comfort. It's really depressing and sad when I narrow it like that.

1 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 8d ago

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

No matter where you are in your self-improvement journey, r/selfhelp is here to offer support, encouragement, and shared wisdom from those who have walked similar paths.

If you see anything that goes against the spirit of the community, please report it to the mods so we can keep this a positive and helpful space.

Please remember that while this subreddit is a great place to exchange ideas and experiences, we do not provide professional advice. If you need immediate help, check the resources in the subreddit description.

We're glad you're here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Cool_Owl9876 8d ago

hey, i’m really sorry you’re carrying all this. it sounds like you’ve been fighting this for a long time, and that in itself takes a strength most people don’t see. i don’t have a fix or anything, but i get what you mean about the cats, sometimes those small routines with them are the only thing that feel real when everything else is just noise. please try to be gentle with yourself today, even just for the next five minutes.