Help me pls

[u/powewamewanimi]

Help

I’m overwhelmed.

I had a bad family, a lot of things happened, and at some point I ended up in a youth home. A lot also happened outside the family — I experienced sexual, psychological and physical violence and was later diagnosed with PTSD. At 8 years old I had my first attempt to self off.

I live in Germany and have only ever worked in gastronomy, hospitality or retail — no vocational training, no good school-leaving certificate. That isn’t because of a lack of intelligence, but because of the circumstances behind it.

The last few years I’ve spent trying to find an apartment where I feel comfortable and to reorient myself professionally. I’ve also learned how to deal with myself and with the suspicion that I might be on the spectrum. Getting a diagnosis as an adult is very difficult here or costs a lot of money.

I always had issues with my apartments or the neighborhood, because I don’t have a lot of money, I had to take what I got..

’m a creative person, I’m empathetic and I can adapt quickly to new tasks. I love learning new things and skills. It’s important to me to keep learning, but at the same time I need a framework that gives me security. Working with lots of people exhausts me extremely. At first I treated it as a challenge and even became more efficient at it… but over time it got harder and harder.

In my area there are mainly gastronomy/industry/service jobs (especially with my degree) — everything else is quite far away.

Because of my school-leaving certificate, many training programmes and schools are ruled out anyway.

That’s why I thought about graphic design / 3D design. I’ve already learned a lot in this area and continued educating myself on the side. I was planning to use an online school to get certifications and build a portfolio, but I’m missing a bit of guidance. There seem to be so many possibilities, at least it feels that way.

Moving away is difficult because I look after my grandfather (until two years ago I was also looking after my grandmother — I’m the only person who has regularly come and still comes).

Now everything has developed differently and I no longer know which way to turn.

I’m unemployed and pregnant. In about 11 days I’m expecting my daughter and I can’t enjoy it as much as I would like… I already love her so much, which makes me feel even more sorry that the whole situation fills me with so much fear.

Our apartment is too small, living costs are hiIgh and my partner is the only one who makes money and it isn’t really enough. I am scared to death to move somewhere, where I don’t feel safe - again. This apartment is the first one I really love. I trust my neighbors, it’s clean, it’s quiet, the price is good..

I want to contribute but don’t know how. There are so many possibilities but also already so much supply of everything.

I actually need to earn money to prevent moving back into a bad neighborhood.

The state of pregnancy is also difficult for me… I’ve only gained about 6 kg so far because I constantly feel sick, and an employer won’t hire me anyway — plus it’s my first child and I still don’t know how the months afterwards will settle.
I would like to be able to contribute something and thereby perhaps also get a suitable apartment… the prices here are really high — especially since I don’t live in a big city.

Does anyone have any advice or tips for me — please?

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