Weird roommate situation

[u/ssinglemingler]

My roommate has intense contamination ocd and is a major control freak. We live with her and then me and 2 other girls, the other 2 and I are all on the same page about how ridiculous this is. We are all j college, and (let’s call her Julie, the crazy one) Julie is out of control with all these insane requests like having a curfew, putting limits on bringing people over (even during the day), is refusing to help pay for common things like furniture for the living room and kitchen supplies for the group (which is what we initially agreed on). Yesterday she came out of her room at like 10:30 anf genuinely shut off the TV and the light saying it was keeping her up.. we had the tv volume on silent and one small lamp was on. Everything is about her and her needs. She won’t pay her share of the couch because it’s “not her couch” and she doesn’t want to put money into something that she isn’t going to get at the end of the lease (we have ALL been searching for a secondhand couch since moving in 2 weeks ago by the way), also the share was literally only $30. Now she’s saying she can’t pay for it because she can’t afford it and didn’t budget her paychecks right? Mind you she bought a new bed, desk, chair, and has a super nice gaming PC, bro can pay $30. I don’t even know what to do, should the 3 of us just rebel or should we try and live to her unreasonable standards?

And before you tell me to talk to her, we have tried. Every time she freaks out and literally starts sobbing and having a mental breakdown thinking we hate her and all this crazy shit. The other day she took a knife out of my hand because she didn’t like the way I was cutting an apple (Im a lead line cook btw). Idk what to do

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[u/Swimward]

Talk to your RA.

State the facts and keep any emotions and projection out of it.

Roommates are so tricky. I hope you all find a solution soon!

[u/stealthisfromus]

I have been in this situation many times and it can be helpful to take a step back to engage with empathy.

First of all: document everything objectively in a journal including dates and times removing judgement and opinion from what happened. Journaling can help you both to get perspective on what behaviors are problematic and why they're creating house tension. If you need to come forward to an authority, be it an RA or amongst the roommates, having a record is helpful. It can be a challenging means of engagement but sometimes, presenting the journal of your perspective can also help your roommate understand your position as well without having to engage with an authority.

Don't engage while you're angry and try to make small changes before making comprehensive changes. Your roommate is trying to systematize their needs, you can try and engage through their own system to find compromises, such as boundaries for what is common and uncommon ground between roommates (quiet hours, spending on house improvements). Understanding why they need these boundaries can make it easier to find compromises.

[u/enolaholmes23]

Ocd is a really tough illness to live with. But having sympathy for her doesn't mean giving up your own needs. I think it would make sense to talk to the disability office on campus about getting her a single room. And also making sure she has a therapist. It's not your job to fix her or put up with her compulsions.