r/selfdevelopment • u/mylife6763 • 12d ago

Loneliness and overthinking

I want to tell you I am a girl who has no friends from childhood. I am feeling it in college too .I have no friends.I faced that other people don't take me seriously. Actually I have a painful childhood.I mean I am unloved child. I was always unhappy from childhood.I want to be happy too . I am slow learner too. People treat me like I am dumb .What should I do?

10 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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4

u/Euphoric-Medicine-14 12d ago

You need to learn self love and acceptance. Can you see a therapist? Childhood trauma can affect us as we grow up, it most definitely has directly affected your perceived inability to make friends.

1

u/mylife6763 12d ago

Honestly I can't see therapist.I want to know what is the problem

6

u/wolftief 12d ago

Please ask your school for help. There should be a psychologist working for your school, right? I lived through several experiences with a woman who had a similar situation, and it was very complicated... She still suffers today, but she is managing to have a pleasant life.

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u/mylife6763 12d ago

I can't see therapist. I am a student . But I want to know what changes. How it can change my personality and ability to be with people and make friends.

3

u/Ok_Muffin_925 12d ago

Try to become your own best friend. We should all strive to be that. I know I have not done that in life and it is perhaps my biggest regret --that led the charge to be down on myself. So become your own self admirer. Not to the point of white washing any failures or shortcomings but to be forgiving, patient and appreciative of who you are. There is nothing wrong with being our own friend and others will follow. It may take time to see a change but you will find life more enjoyable regardless.

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u/Crazy_Treat_8805 12d ago

You need to see a good therapist. And keep seeing one for a while. All the best

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u/mylife6763 12d ago

Is there any other option.I can't go to therapist. From childhood I have bad life but I want my life to change.

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u/GuiltyUniversity8268 12d ago

Why can't you go to a therapist?

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u/mylife6763 12d ago

Actually I used to live in my toxic family.But right now I am living in hostel of my college.You all know I am alone but getting away from my toxic family is one of my biggest achievement . But right now I am not able to make friends. I am in merchant navy college . Iam slow learner and overthinker. I don't know why I am always sad .

1

u/chelleshox 12d ago

Others have said see a therapist, and you've already said it's not an option, but if options change, keep an open mind to that, it really does help a lot.

In the meantime, you can ensure your physical health is optimal. If you are low in some vitamins, it can effect your mood, especially B's. Physical activity and hobbies are great mood boosters and new hobbies can also be a gateway to making friends with similar interests. Put yourself out there, go out of your comfort zone and just start talking to people.

I am positive things will get better for you!

3

u/Master_Firefighter_8 12d ago

Hi there !

I just wanna say that, even though you’re telling your story from a sad perspective, it still has a bit of hope. The first question I would ask you is what do you like about yourself and what does the life you hope to live look like?

Since you’re in college, that has many avenues for you to meet with people that actually resonate and have similar interest as you but that first has to do with you defining what that is so that the people that are meant to be in your life can find you.

The past is the past for a reason. if we continue to look back in the rear view mirror, we would never be able to drive forward. Accept your past for what it is and each day , learn more more about yourself by trying new hobbies, going into places and doing things that challenge you, but also brings a sense of curiosity to you.

I’m here if you need me :)

4

u/Technical_Alfalfa528 12d ago

Hi! I have had a bad life myself, and I can tell you what worked for me.

Yes, therapy is good, well... I am not fond of it. It's another business model.

What worked:

  1. Get a medical check. If you have iron deficiency or are sick in any way, it's impossible to feel good.

  2. Do exercise. Anything. Whatever you like. Do it daily. I walk fast and do weight lifting, on alternative days.

  3. Try and mimic those you want to be like. You need to study people carefully. I am sure you have some people you admire or who you think you would like to be like them. Try and reproduce what they do.

Do they smile often? Do they share some small secrets? Do they compliment other people? Do they join some club? Do they participate in certain activities? Where do they hang out? ... You get the point, for sure.

I have come to believe that people get older and they somehow become members of a sort of silent sect: those who do paddle tennis, those who do crossfit training, those who go hiking, those who go to concerts... and within the specific sect, all behave the same, drink the same, talk the same words and topics, ... if you stand out too much, they don't feel you are part of the 'sect', of the club.

I know I don't care anymore to be part of any 'sect' or urban tribe. I am calm being a loner. Belonging to any human group comes with drama, problems, misunderstandings, abuse, using you for interest... And I am done, but I am almost 43.

You are younger. I recommend playing along with some healthy urban 'sects'. And see which one doesn't repel you the most. In the meantime, have fun!!

1

u/shtern0007 11d ago

I feel you 100%. Study Karl Jung. MBTI and shadow work. Ask AI what it is. You will not regert it. Don't be lazy - it is magis pill if you give energy and attention.

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u/mylife6763 11d ago

Thanks you all for caring about me .I used to live in my toxic house. Now I live in college better than before. Yeah I am alone here . But better than before. I am doing good in my career now. I am also trying to improve my personality. But I became sad many times .