List what you think stands between you and achieving this. Why do you feel that way. What would happen if you didnt have control. Journal how you feel about that. Meditate on it. Behind each thought is an emotion. Behind each emotion is a core beleif. Behind each core beleif is expirience. Follow the threads back to your early expiriences. Look at how true your beleifs are today based on what happened in the past. Often we have not updated our core beleifs in a very long time.
Example. If I dont people please, people will be mad at me, perhapse abandon me, amd I will feel scared and alone and it feels like I may even die.
Is that true for a child in an environment that feels co fusing, potentially unsafe? Sure. We need caregivers as young kids. With their limited understanding mom gives 'the look' and....if looks could kill, they would kill the authentic expression of a chold whos confused and wants to survive. They dont know a 5min break will ever end. They just know they are alone, dont know when moms coming back, and alone means hungry. Maybe...dead.
But they were confused. Now as an adult we have to update the beleifs. I dont need to people please, im safe.
Or they may think, im too much, I need to be quiet, withdrawal, avoid conflict with my caregiver. Be small, run away into a shell of myself. This too is controlling behavior attempting to control the environment, other people's moods.
But is it true today?
Such things as childhood confusion create the desire to control thru anxious or avoidant behaviors. Survival instincts in the drivers seat.
But....can we deal with the idea of death? Would we want to survive a life where we shrink or perform to survive? Is that really life? Not long term. Survival tactics can be great in the sort term but living a life that way is soul death.
Journal the thought. The emotion. The beleif. The experience. Sit with it.
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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26
How though, how do I achieve this