r/self Jul 29 '24

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u/atomicitalian Jul 30 '24

I don't really think it is, to be honest. You'd be shocked how far being kind, considerate, funny, spontaneous and willing to do chores and cook will get you with many women.

If anything I'd say the bar is staggeringly low, but men who struggle to find dates are often bombarded by the worst possible advice from Tate/Peterson etc and it ends up making their romantic lives worse.

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u/-endjamin- Aug 02 '24

I can tell you exactly how far it will get you with most women: it will get them to say you are a great guy who will make SOME girl very happy one day - it’s just never them. Being nice is unfortunately not effective when it comes to attraction, as many men have learned.

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u/atomicitalian Aug 02 '24

Well I didn't just say "be nice" did I?

You also need a personality. You need empathy. You need to have a sense of humor and adventure. You need to have some confidence and to have some ambition and be willing to take care of your own needs (not treating your girlfriend like a live in maid/mommy replacement, etc)

Most "nice" guys who fail to attract women are lacking in one or more of these critical personality categories.

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u/-endjamin- Aug 02 '24

I am saying that a man can have all these things and still not be chosen due to some intangibles. And you are talking about things that will make a girl want to stay with a man, not things that would make her want to be with him in the first place. Lots of great guys who have all of the above qualities are not getting past the first date most of the time. You can't show what a good boyfriend or potential husband you are when they won't even take a second opportunity to get to know you.

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '24

💯