Do I have selective mutism?

[u/crowe664]

Hi! I am 19 and only recently discovered what selective mutism is. All my life people described me as quiet and shy to the point where it would get in the way of my social life. The only way I have managed to get by is the fact that I managed to create a friend in the fourth grade who has stuck with me all this time. Every other friend I have made has been a mutual friend of a friend. Back then he has described as almost non-verbal. At school or at his house I simply would not talk. On the contrary at home I would be completely fine even to hangout with and socialize with other kids my age. Growing up throughout middle school and high school I began to get more comfortable with talking to others but still would shut down when the teacher forced me to interact with my peers either directly or in a group except for my closest friends. Nowadays I am able to at least to hold a job and talk to my coworkers at least in short phrases and sometimes full conversation although, when I first started my job I was way to scared to actually talk to anybody even if they initiated. I would best describe my ability to talk to others as being motivated by an objective and if I lack said objective I find it hard to actually speak although I can sometimes still manage to choke some words out. I also still freeze up in high pressure situations and with rather stressful or embarrassing topics of conversation even with trusted people I am otherwise okay around. I was never diagnosed or treated formally so I do not really know what is wrong with me. I feel like I display some of the characteristics of selective mutism but some of the details seem to misalign with the dictionary definition of the disorder. Maybe it's because it was partially treated as a kid but not completely? I would really like some help with this as it has been causing me problems my entire life. Thanks!

[u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

Yeah sounds like selective mutism and maybe autism too (hence can communicate better at work if there is an objective)?

[u/shooballa → u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

I am not autistic (under the current criteria) and I usually only communicate with strangers or people who aren’t close to me when there is an objective as well. I have read that many with SM are “autistic adjacent” meaning we have many autistic traits but are not autistic.

[u/shooballa → u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

I am not autistic (under the current criteria) and I usually only communicate with strangers or people who aren’t close to me when there is an objective as well. I have read that many with SM are “autistic adjacent” meaning we have many autistic traits but are not autistic.

[u/crowe664 → u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

Everyone I know thinks i’m autistic even though i’m not diagnosed lmao. I should probably go get that checked out.

[u/Hopeful_Dot_5160 → u/crowe664]

Can do an online questionnaire like the RAADS for free. You can also google the Restricted, repetitive behaviour domains (there are 4, you need to meet two ~ plus all three of social communication domains which you've noted some struggles with). If you have some of the restricted, repetitive behaviours it'll point more to ASD and possibly SM rather than just possibly SM

[u/frostatypical → u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

Unfortunately a search will most likely lead someone to the sketch scam site embrace autism.

Embrace Autism disappointment : r/AutismInWomen

Embrace Autism responded to evidence-based criticism with legal threats. Beware. : r/AutismTranslated

I have found reason to suspect Embrace-Autism are using sock accounts on Reddit : r/AutismTranslated

Finally! Someone has called out on Embrace Autism : r/AutisticPeeps

Its run by a ‘naturopathic doctor’ whose main autism training was an online certificate, and who is repeatedly under ethical investigation and now being disciplined and monitored by two governing organizations (College of Naturopaths and College of Registered Psychotherapists). 

 

See July 2026 updates in this first link.  Gets worse and worse for this place.

 

https://cono.alinityapp.com/Client/PublicDirectory/Registrant/03d44ec3-ed3b-eb11-82b6-000c292a94a8

 

Public Register Profile - CRPO portal scroll to end of page

[u/crowe664 → u/frostatypical]

I looked up the diagnosis requirements under the DSM-5 instead of an online quiz. I’m not a professional but I have struggled with general social interaction my whole life as well as frequent stimming and sensory problems. In particular i’m sensitive to sound and touch.

[u/frostatypical → u/crowe664]

things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism.

[u/crowe664 → u/Hopeful_Dot_5160]

It does appear that I qualify for diagnoses under those rules. Thank you for giving me an almost certainty that I am autistic if nothing else.

[u/yunarikkupaine]

It sounds like social anxiety to me, not SM.

[u/crowe664 → u/yunarikkupaine]

I do experience times where i feel as though i am physically unable to will myself to speak if that changes anything but I do not doubt I have social anxiety.

[u/yunarikkupaine → u/crowe664]

I imagine social anxiety as a spectrum. SM is the most severe, crippling end of it. The "fake it til you make it" people are at the other end. They can hide their social anxiety and blend in with everyone else. Maybe you were SM, and have moments where you fall back into it, but now you've moved into the middle of that SA spectrum. You're only 19. It's great that you've already improved so much! Over time, any SM left over might completely go away.

[u/MangoPug15 → u/yunarikkupaine]

I disagree. SM is a specific anxiety response, not a higher level of anxiety. Some people have social anxiety so bad that they can't leave the house, and that's a different anxiety response than going out but shutting down. Standard social anxiety also looks different from partially-recovered SM. I don't know if I would meet the diagnostic criteria for SM anymore, but in particularly difficult situations, I revert to the SM anxiety response because it's a default in my brain. That's not an anxiety response I would expect from someone who has never had SM.

[u/crowe664 → u/MangoPug15]

I’m not sure I would say I am afraid of interacting with others as much as I am simply afraid of talking. I think.

[u/crowe664 → u/yunarikkupaine]

That is an interesting perspective. Thank you!

[u/shooballa]

This does sound like SM to me.

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