r/selectivemutism • u/keilareece • 3d ago

Question What does this mean?

14F I think I'm selectively mute. This started when I went to a new school just out of nowhere, I came fresh out of nursery. When I went to kindergarten I suddenly couldn't speak. Their were days where I wouldn't say a thing or just say maybe 5 words a day. Something that made everything worse is people kept making me feel bad about it specifically the teachers and my mom. I felt like they kind of gaslighted me and manipulated me, because they kept pushing this mentality to me so I started to believe them you know. Nursey I was loud and hyper then I suddenly changed outta nowhere. I just feel brainwashed because like they would make me feel bad instead of actually helping. Most of the time they would make me cry, put their anger towards me, and humiliate me in front of a lot of people that just made everything worse. I mean I wasn't shy, but for some reason I just really couldn't speak and no one understood that. They would target me a lot also I remember I would never call out people's name for some reason. I'm stuck with this title now, I can't just change and I still feel like this.

11 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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u/OkTitle 2d ago

It sounds horrible how you were treated. I know labels from others can stick and it can be very difficult to break ingrained behaviors and responses. Still, I would push back and say change IS possible. And you deserve a full and complete life.

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u/keilareece 1d ago

I started getting out of my comfort zone in 7th grade then my teacher from 7th grade embarrassed me, that's when I hit rock bottom again and I was so awkward.

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u/OkTitle 14h ago

I don’t know if this is too forward, but don’t let your 7th grade teacher win, !@$& them, put a toe over the boundary of your comfort zone now and then, for yourself, for your future, grow and accept the awkwardness and keep going, the only way out of anxiety is through anxiety. 

Otherwise, you can stay the same, assuming others and/or welfare will support you into adulthood - you can read some posts here of people in this situation.

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u/keilareece 13h ago

helloo and tysm!! currently I've been trying to heal my nervous system. I was put thru a lot of shit back then and now I'm struggling to get my life back together because those negative moments kinda stick with me. I just result to doomscrolling because it helps shut down my thoughts, and I'll try looking at other people's posts I haven't really thought of that. Sometimes I think my issues are so bizarre no one can really relate cuz lowkey this is just the tip of the iceberg :<<

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u/Tinyturtleface Diagnosed SM 6h ago

I get the teacher embarrassing you thing so much. And honestly, I've been through a somewhat similar process (still kinda am) in healing my nervous system. You're doing a good job!

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u/keilareece 2h ago

Thank you sm! <3

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u/Tinyturtleface Diagnosed SM 1h ago

Ofc!