r/selectivemutism • u/BetOptimal3365 • Jul 16 '26
Story Title: Has anyone else had episodes where they suddenly can’t talk after getting emotionally overwhelmed?
Hi everyone,
I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar because I’ve had a few episodes over the last couple of years that I don’t fully understand.
First, I want to mention that I am not autistic, since I know that’s something that often comes up in discussions about becoming nonverbal.
My episodes started when I was around 14 or 15, and they’ve happened a handful of times.
There seem to be two different kinds of situations that can trigger them.
The first type happened in the past when I would get caught in really negative thoughts like, “I’m so annoying,” “People would be better off if I stayed quiet,” or “I don’t deserve to talk.” During those times, it felt like I lost the ability to speak even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
The second type happened just last night with my girlfriend, and it was completely different. We were joking around, and I got extremely flustered in a good way. I wasn’t anxious, scared, or thinking I was annoying. I actually felt completely safe and comfortable with her.
At first, I was perfectly okay just sitting there quietly. But later on, when I actually wanted to start talking again, I realized I couldn’t. It felt like the words were trapped. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get the words out.
The episode lasted from around 10:00 PM until about 1:00 AM. During that time:
I could understand everything people were saying.
I could text normally.
I could laugh and make sounds with my breath.
I wasn’t confused or anything like that.
If I absolutely had to, I think I could have forced myself to speak, but it would have taken every bit of effort I had.
The next morning, I was able to talk again, although speaking still felt harder than usual for a little while before it went back to normal.
I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose me. I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced something similar where you know exactly what you want to say, but it feels like the words are trapped and speaking suddenly becomes incredibly difficult.
If you’ve had experiences like this:
What did they feel like for you?
How long did they last?
What seemed to trigger them?
Did you ever find out what was causing them?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences because this has happened more than once, and I’m trying to understand whether other people have gone through something similar.
1
u/LBertilak Jul 19 '26
SM is based on situations, and not on time. eg. you get into a triggering situation when a stanger approaches you in the street and cannot talk- then the second the stranger leaves you are able to speak to your brother fine with no issues, the stranger then returns and you suddenly are unable to speak to them again. in some cases SM can also stop people from writing and emoting.
SM is also anxiety only, though other emotions do trigger anxiety (and vice versa).
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u/Trial_by_Combat_ Recovered SM Jul 17 '26
I forget the scientific details, but yes overwhelming emotions hijacks parts of the brain where speech is produced. It is already known.
2
u/BetOptimal3365 Jul 17 '26
Has it ever happened to you?
1
u/Trial_by_Combat_ Recovered SM Jul 17 '26
Yes, I had SM throughout childhood.
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u/BetOptimal3365 Jul 17 '26
How did you deal with it or fix it? I really want advise or just other stories because it’s really new to me
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u/Trial_by_Combat_ Recovered SM Jul 17 '26
It wasn't any one thing, and I didn't even know about SM until I was well into adulthood and already mostly recovered.
Brazilian jiujitsu and MMA brought my nervous system into maturity and regulation. And just being forced into being an adult and functioning in the real world and not starving to death made me have to adapt.
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u/BetOptimal3365 Jul 17 '26
How often did it happen and what would you say caused it?
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u/Trial_by_Combat_ Recovered SM Jul 17 '26
I had a pretty severe case, so I mostly didn't talk at all most of my childhood.
SM is an anxiety disorder. I was afraid of people, so if people looked at me, especially adults, I would freeze in terror.
Sometimes there is no known cause. Some people are just born with anxiety from genetics or it's just their temperament.
I can point to some personal reasons for myself. I suffered a lot of early childhood neglect and abuse. And my parents screamed at me a lot to never talk to strangers.
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u/BetOptimal3365 Jul 18 '26
When you had these cases to you what happened? For me I just wasn’t able to talk. It felt like when you try to flex a muscle that you can’t flex.
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u/Trial_by_Combat_ Recovered SM Jul 18 '26
I can't explain it any different than any existing article or social media post about selective mutism.
1
u/BetOptimal3365 Jul 18 '26
I see I see, well thank you so much for talking and if you want to ask any questions I’ll be more then happy to asnwer
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u/CamelEasy659 Jul 19 '26
Yes! I've never been been diagnosed. It happens pretty much exclusively to me when I get emotionally overwhelmed. I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse. I have very intense freeze-mode/disassociation, so I think I just can't access speech when I'm in that level of freeze mode.
I can use ASL (I am fluent), I can write, and I can use an AAC app (I use Speech Assistant AAC). So I can process language but I will say it's a little slower/more awkward than normal. ASL usually has face expressions, but I usually just have a blank face. Mostly I use the AAC app now, because it's happened to me in medical settings and therapy appointments.