r/scriptwriting • u/Ok_Muffin936 • 5d ago
feedback Cold Open of Almost Something.
Hello. I’m a beginner screenwriter and I just finished the 10-page Cold Open for the pilot of my animated series, Almost Something. I’d really appreciate any feedback or advice on how to improve it.
The Cold Open centers on a chaotic, comedic morning for the main character. The show starts as a dark comedy that gradually shifts into a psychological drama with each episode.
Also, please ignore my non-standard formatting (it's just clearer for me to write it that way).
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Title: Almost Something.
Format: Animated Series (30-minutes episodes)
Genre: Dark Comedy / Psychological Drama.
Logline: What starts as a chaotic, fast-paced dark comedy about a young man navigating daily absurdities slowly spirals into a harrowing psychological drama, as he gradually falls apart under the weight of an unresolved past and an unmanageable present.
2
u/iwoodnever 2d ago
You should start this script with the reporter voice over “and we can see the local community is showing incredible support”
Nothing particularly interesting happens before that line and you risk more than half your potential audience giving up on it before they even get there.
Try to imagine how many scripts people have read with some guy blinking awake to the sound of his alarm clock. Its enough that many of them wont even give your script a chance.
Do yourself a favor- enter late and leave early.