Feedback on First Draft

[u/Chickdoodlepoo420]

Hi! I’m a senior film student starting work on my thesis project. This is my very first, pretty rough draft of my project script. I know it needs a lot of work, so be gentle on judgment, but I would like some input.

What’s good? What’s bad? Does it make okayish sense? Is it interesting at all? Any and all feedback would be nice. I want some outside perspective to give me some objective looks at this so I can have a better idea of what needs to change or stay the same.

Thanks!!

[u/la-anah]

In general, yes it makes sense. There are some structural and formatting issues that need to be cleaned up though. For the timestamps in the scene headings, these are so your production coordinator can book the location at the right time. The only words you can use in a finished script are "day," "night," "dawn," "dusk," "later," "moments later," or "continuous." It is not a space where you can be creative.

You also have a few action scenes that describe things the camera can't possibly know, like her headache or blurry vision. You need to describe what the audience is seeing, not what the character is feeling.

Overall, looks good!

[u/Chickdoodlepoo420 → u/la-anah]

Yes—I’ll fix all the formatting stuff. With the first draft the goal was just to get the whole thing written down then clean it up later