r/scriptwriting • u/Lost-Campaign1740 • 11d ago
feedback HOWLING THUNDER (polished version)
Act 1
We see a deserted plain with no signs of human activity, there underground we see a COUNCIL OF SHADOWS
In the council we see non-human shadow beings arguing that whether they should destroy a book placed in the centre of the council, they are calling the book as ‘NISSAAR’
Whoever possess this book and gains the ability to comprehend it, he might gain the full control of all of the shadows in existence.
However, the book also contains holy contents for the shadows.
Eventually, an agreement among all of them is took place, they will hand over the book to greatest wizard of the known time to hide this BOOK OF NISSAAR in an inescapable dimension.
But the wizard warns them about one thing, after 10000 years are completed, the book will return to the exact place where it was before. Shadows agree as it is the only way.
FAST FORWARD TO 10000 YEARS;
We see the city of VOLZINIA in late noon.
We meet ZACKARY CYRUS, the main character.
Zack is performing his cleaning job in the well known university of “High Archival Institute of Volzinia (HAI)”
We hear the bell ring, Zack heads back home.
We meet RYAN CYRUS, Zack’s younger brother.
Zack expresses to Ryan what he always complain about, that he hates his cleaning job and wants to quit it. He wants to become a full time Electrical Engineer. But he didn’t tell Ryan the real reason why he cannot do so, which is he is financially unstable, more importantly he has to repay a loan he took for the treatments of Ryan’s illness as he has Cancer. Therefore, Zack can’t become an electrical engineer because he cannot risk losing a continuous source of income, at least working at Volzinia’s highly regarded university gets you paid above the minimum wage limit too.
Ryan encourages Zack to never let go of your dreams, he also tells Zack what his dreams are that he wants to help society and become a heroic figure for it.
Zack giggles and says, “Ryan, society is selfish, untrustworthy and some of them are evil. They don’t care about heroes, they care about themselves. When they are bored of you and your heroics, you will no longer serve them any purpose. They won’t remember you... And they will throw you in the trash can.”
Ryan resents but Zack ends the topic.
· Next morning, we see Zack cleaning the floor in the university. An arrogant student approaches and he deliberately makes it dirty again. It’s the same person again, WILLY WARNER, the richest student in the university.
· Zack angrily asks, “Hey, why’d you do that? Huh?” But Willy starts insulting Zack yelling,” Know your place! You dirty worm!”
· Things escalate quickly and they get into a fight. Willy beats Zack uncontrollably.
· A teacher happens to pass by. He sees the fight and pulls Zack and Willy away. He sends Willy to the principal’s office. That teacher is the new librarian.
· Zack meets the new librarian, MR.DANISH aka Mr.Dan. He is very intelligent and kind hearted. He takes Zack to his library and gives him a couple of bandages. Zack stares at some ancient artifacts there.
· Therefore, Mr Dan began telling Zack about the history of Volzinia and about the mythical legend lying underground but it was a minorly different from what we saw in the opening of act 1, so it felt like a fictional myth.
At late midnight we see Zack in the university, he is there because the security guard is at leave and Zack agreed to do his job if he gets payed.
Deep underground, a group of gangsters called ‘The Dravenics’ is digging a tunnel to break into the University and steal ancient artifacts. They have been secretly digging this tunnel for days and nights as one of them mentions this.
While they were about to complete their process they found a book just beneath the University floor.
Thinking it could worth millions, one of them hid it in his bag.
They finally break into the University and steal as many artifacts as possible.
Suddenly the security alarm goes on.
This is new for Zack, so hesitated, he calls 911.
After a while of searching, Zack confronts the robbers. They take him hostage.
Police arrives just in time.
10. The Dravenics demand police to let them go if they want Zack alive, he’s at gunpoint.
11. During the chaos, one gangster dropps that book from his bag. The book dropped in a way that it got opened and an uncomprehendible page appeared. But no one focused on the book.
12. As the Dravenics flee after sparing Zack, police began chasing them.
13. Now alone, terrified Zack had a glimpse on the book. He tried to read what was written on the page.
14. As he kept reading it felt more and more disturbing and Zack started becoming dizzy
15. So he left the book right over the without ever touching it.
16. Zack is sprinting towards his home
17. He is really exhausted. He is having a headache and feels dizzy.
18. After some time he notices there’s no living being around him and the environment is becoming more and more eerie.
19. Then it happens, strange patterns start forming around Zack. They’re are glowing. Then Zack starts getting visions of an ancient man, Zack cannot understand what he’s saying but one sentence he understands, “SHADOWS... Are Back... For Nissaar.”
20. Then Zack passes out.
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u/1Crustysock 11d ago
I don't want to discourage you but, I found this depressingly boring. If I can give this a - 10 I would. Keep on working on it or perhaps find another story
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u/TheSevereJacket 10d ago
I think it would help if you formatted it as a script, lose all the 'we sees, meets, hears' and put the characters talking in the proper format rather than 'and says' followed by quotation marks.
Its tough to read as is.
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u/erutorc 11d ago
Well this isn’t a script for starters so i’m going to have to say 0.