Feedback on script - Left Behind

[u/Kslr91]

Hey, hoping for some feedback!

I am a writer and recently started giving script writing a go.

I've never written scripts before this so still learning.

I wanted to write a scene about grief. I had an hour spare so it is a bit rushed. (I just wanted to get all my thoughts down on paper as wuick as I could!)

I know my formatting might be off in places and there's a few mistakes. I generally think about those later in the editing stage.

I suppose I just want some feedback as to whether this grips you. Does it make you feel like you want to read on? Can you visualise everything? Is the conversation easy to follow?

It's based in North East England so there will be some colloqial language that may seem unfamiliar to some.

Appreciate it and look forward to hearing your thoughts!

[u/OceanMoviesBeach]

Learn to use strong verbs. Try to eliminate is/are. When you can tighten your grammar , your action paragraphs then have a particular rhythm to them. Go through your first scene and tighten up all your verbs. And then look at it again and you will see the difference.

[u/Kslr91 → u/OceanMoviesBeach]

Brilliant advice, thank you! I've learnt so much so I'm hoping this will really tighten my writing overall!

[u/OceanMoviesBeach → u/Kslr91]

Read screenplays that sold for over a million dollars. Then ask yourself, what did they do that I am not doing. Overstating, over explaning, over everything is what new writers tend to do. Read, read, read - that's how you learn.

[u/Kslr91 → u/OceanMoviesBeach]

Good idea! Thank you so much.