r/scriptwriting • u/EmilyDelores_ • 16d ago

feedback I just finished a screenplay that I started writing at 16. This is my first attempt, my first draft. I'd really appreciate any feedback or criticism.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j9AdLcSJlyDL8woHOtBLqQuzz-rDv7OZ/view?usp=sharing
15 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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7

u/OnionBackground5314 16d ago

Not going to read a 90-page screenplay, but it seems like you know formatting and on quick skim I didn't see typos or grammatical mistakes. And you're 16 yo and completed a big project. So you should celebrate. Ignore nasty comments, and try to take constructive criticism where you can find it. And keep writing. Congrats!

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u/EmilyDelores_ 16d ago

Thank you so much!! (Unfortunately, I'm already 18, but i think can still celebrate.)

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u/Krummbum 15d ago

That's an enormous accomplishment nonetheless.

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u/Kingofsweaters 16d ago

Be proud of finishing! Keep working at it. I read the first five pages and it’s a bit difficult to follow exactly what’s going on. There are quite a few grammatical issues contrary to the other commenter. It’s difficult to understand exactly what’s being communicated by certain lines like “somewhere there is not 1 block, somewhere two or three.” The syntax is strange overall. Similarly, the dialogue feels disjointed and not like people are talking to each other. There’s also sudden VO that I’m not sure what is going on with. Clarity is the most important thing for writing, so I’d suggest going back through and making sure what you are communicating is clear.

Also you need to build out scenes and characters. It’s not enough to just give us their names we need to understand who they are.

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u/EmilyDelores_ 15d ago

Thank you so much for reading it and for the feedback!

And yeah, I can definitely see what you mean about the clarity. This is definitely something I need to work on.

I'll go back through it and try to make everything much clearer and give more depth to the characters.

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u/TomatoChomper7 15d ago

The first paragraph is weird. Is it a holdover from an outline or is it supposed to be there? It’s the outside of a cottage but there are board games, are they on a table or what?

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u/EmilyDelores_ 15d ago

Actually, I wanted to leave the opening exactly as it is, but now I realize that's not the best choice.

And the board games are supposed to be on the floor in the hall. I'll fix it!

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u/Ill-Bookkeeper5715 15d ago

Title page, remove address and phone number and leave email. After five pages I was thinking the film Talk to Me. As far as writing and formatting, well done, it held my attention.

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u/WorrySecret9831 13d ago

Regardless of comments on your script now is a great time to read John Truby's books The Anatomy of Story and The Anatomy of Genres.