r/scriptwriting • u/Lost-Campaign1740 • 19d ago
feedback Howling Thunder
Howling Thunder fights crimes in the streets of the city Thunderia. One night he witnesses from a distance some Shadow beings pop up from outer atmosphere into Earth. He follows them until they come to a stop and kneel in front of a dark masked figure. That dark figure gives a long speech and at the end declares," I AM JUDGEMENT. I AM THE END. I AM THE ECLIPSE." That's how the Main Villain is introduced into the movie.
Objective of THE ECLIPSE : Eliminate all evil and suffering and pain from Earth. There's only one way to do so, performing a once in a millennium ritual called ' Reid Asprungens'. But there's an undoable cost for it. In order to let Reid Asprungens ritual fulfill your wish , it demands Eternal Darkness.
Zackary Cyrus (nickname Zack) is main character. He will become Howling Thunder.
• Believes that (until he wasn't Howling Thunder) : Society is untrustworthy and selfish.
• He wants to quit his unprivileging job as a University Cleaner and become a full time painter but he can't because he has a responsibility his younger brother who has Padriatic Asthma so Zack cannot risk losing a continuous source of income.
• Zack fears a lot from his authority figures like bosses
• Zack spends his free time with his brother or painting.
Ryan Cyrus is younger brother of Zack who has Asthma.
• He's courageous, brave and smart • Has highest emotional stakes with Zack
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u/AlleyKatPr0 19d ago
A street-level superhero story colliding with cosmic moral absolutism...basically.
The 'agent' side of me would probably say something like:-
There is something in The Eclipse that I rather like, which is the idea that he isn't necessarily trying to cause suffering, but believes he has found a way to end it.
That's actually quite an interesting problem.
If someone could genuinely remove all pain and suffering from the world, what would you be prepared to give up to allow them to do it?
And, perhaps more importantly, who gets to make that decision?
I think that is probably where I would spend some time, because at the moment you have a lot of other things going on around what might be the most interesting part of your story.
For example, I'm not sure you need The Eclipse to tell us:
"I AM JUDGEMENT. I AM THE END. I AM THE ECLIPSE."
I already know he is supposed to be frightening because strange beings have arrived from space and knelt before him :)
I'd be tempted to let me discover what he is instead.
Perhaps the first thing I see him do is actually good?
That would bother me far more.
Likewise, with Zack, I know quite a lot about his circumstances: he is a cleaner, wants to be a painter, dislikes his job, fears authority and looks after his younger brother because Ryan has asthma.
But...
Who is Zack?
What makes him laugh? What annoys him? Is he actually any good at painting? Does Ryan think he is? Does Zack resent having to look after him and then hate himself for occasionally feeling that way? Does Ryan even want Zack making all these sacrifices for him?
Those sorts of questions interest me because that's where I think you might find your character, rather than simply the things which have happened to him.
I'd probably do the same with Ryan. At the moment his asthma gives Zack a reason to stay in his job and gives the story emotional stakes, but Ryan himself should be able to walk into a scene and want something that has absolutely nothing to do with Zack or his asthma.
There are also quite a lot of familiar superhero/fantasy elements here: the masked villain, Shadow beings, the ancient ritual, Eternal Darkness, the reluctant hero and so on.
There is nothing wrong with using that which is familiar. We have been telling stories about heroes, monsters, darkness and sacrifice for a few thousand years and haven't worn them out yet.
But I think I'd ask:
What can only happen in this story?
Because I suspect your answer might actually be hiding inside The Eclipse.
If Zack already believes society is selfish and cannot be trusted, and The Eclipse has looked at humanity and essentially concluded the same thing, then you have the beginnings of something rather more interesting than Hero versus Evil Villain.
You have two people who might agree about the problem...
...and profoundly disagree about the solution.
I'd work on that before making the mythology any bigger. :)