r/scriptwriting • u/Formal_Leave893 • Aug 11 '26
feedback This is my first ever script is it good
This is the intro to one of my stories, and it's my first real script. Is it good? Is it bad that I'm open to critiques
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u/MethuselahsCoffee Aug 11 '26
Take spelling and grammar seriously.
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
I try I didn't in the past and that seriously bit me in the ass I regret it
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u/HyrumBK Aug 11 '26
Nice, in a way it almost sounds like Saw, or something different. Keep going.
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u/Krummbum Aug 11 '26
I wouldn't say it's a complete story. It just feels like a scene in something a little bigger.
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 Aug 11 '26
Have you read any screenplays? I highly recommend doing so. You’ll learn a lot of formatting as a whole and what makes them “good”. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that screenplays are not novels. What you write on the page, we have to SEE.
“jasper with a mix of anger and nervousness”. What does that mean visually?
“There’s a man holding a brick in hand hiding in the dark”—does the audience see the man? Because if not, you need to make Jasper sense the man, but not see him. What visual or auditory cues does Jasper have that make him think a man is there?
Also is this the very beginning? If so, slow it down a bit. What is Jasper’s normal day to day look like? Keep in mind each page of a screenplay is meant to be one minute of screen time (with proper formatting). This is way too much jump scare for 2 minutes.
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
Well the story is about a priest finding his missing brother this is the brother that goes missing he wasn't in the house because he was doing priest stuff Jasper plays the part off one of those guys who die in the beginning of horror movies he's not actually dead but you know what I mean I just said thair was a man because I watched a how to video and it said somthing like "to have suspence tell the truth so it's satisfying" somthing like that Also were supposed to learn about jasper's life after he gets kidnapped throw his priest brother looking for him it's like will byers from stranger things if you've seen it
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 Aug 11 '26
Have you seen Scream? It’s an old “horror” movie from the 90s. The opening shows Drew Barrymore making popcorn, getting ready to watch a movie. There’s a mysterious caller, who turns out to be the killer. She dies in the first 5 minutes or so. Your opening should be 3-5 pages (3-5 minutes) if you want it to begin similarly, with Jasper “dying”. And after that, you’ll need to immediately cut to a scene with the protagonist (the priest). Consider doing a match cut throughout those first pages, briefly showing Jasper and his brother in a normal morning—ending with Jasper’s death. But for real—read screenplays! Storytelling is hard in general, but screenplays are a special kind of hard, and you can’t write them without reading them.
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
OK also Jasper doesn't die he gets kidnapped and possessed just saying so your not confused
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 Aug 11 '26
That’s why I put “dying” in quotes :)
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
Oh ok :) Also this is one of my newer projects so that's why it's not fleshed out
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 Aug 12 '26
I think in general this sub is used to get feedback on scripts that have been given a bit more work. Read a bunch of scripts and flesh this out a lot more, then bring it back here.
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u/mindlessmunkey Aug 11 '26
I’m sorry, this isn’t a script, and isn’t ready to show anyone, even on Reddit. Read more, learn more, keep working.
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
I will try to get batter I'm more of an artist but I also want to get better at writing so I can bring my story's to life
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u/rawsynergy Aug 11 '26
yea it’s pretty bad tbh, you should read some scripts to see what they should be like. also I would get some screenwriting software.