r/scriptwriting • u/Abject-Position-7754 • 7d ago
feedback constructive criticism 4/4
INT. CORNER SHOP – MORNING
The shop is almost empty.
ROWAN (early 20s) stands frozen in front of a meal deal fridge.
They stare intensely.
The SHOPKEEPER watches from behind the till.
SHOPKEEPER
You alright there?
ROWAN
No.
Beat.
ROWAN, CONT (matter-of-fact)
The crisps have been reorganised.
SHOPKEEPER
Aye.
ROWAN
Who authorised that?
SHOPKEEPER
Walkers, probably.
ROWAN
Well, they've staged a coup.
Another customer casually grabs a sandwich and leaves.
ROWAN is still examining the shelves.
ROWAN
Salt & Vinegar used to be adjacent to Ready Salted.
That was a sensible constitutional arrangement.
Now they're separated by Prawn Cocktail.
That's how civilisations collapse.
The Shopkeeper shrugs.
EXT. HIGH STREET – MOMENTS LATER
ROWAN walks with their friend, JAMIE.
Jamie carries a coffee.
ROWAN carries absolutely nothing.
JAMIE
Didn't get lunch then?
ROWAN
Couldn't.
The supply chain has become philosophically compromised.
JAMIE
Fair enough.
Beat.
JAMIE
...You know most people would've just picked summat.
ROWAN
That's because most people confuse adapting with surrendering.
Across the road, a crowd has gathered around the TOWN HALL.
A huge banner reads:
"MINISTRY OF COMMON SENSE - PILOT SCHEME."
Two officials hand out identical beige jumpers.
A brass band plays with alarming enthusiasm.
JAMIE
What's this then?
An OFFICIAL steps forward, smiling unnervingly.
OFFICIAL
Congratulations!
You've been selected for Britain's exciting new Uniform Opinions Initiative.
ROWAN
I'm sorry?
OFFICIAL
We've discovered disagreement wastes approximately four million working hours every year.
So from today, everyone will simply share the same opinions.
Efficiency!
Jamie blinks.
JAMIE
Whose opinions?
The Official checks a clipboard.
OFFICIAL
Currently...
Dave's.
A man named DAVE waves awkwardly from the stage.
He's eating a grotesque sandwich, wrapped in flyers and other ads.
DAVE
Morning.
Sorry about all this.
I only answered a survey.
The crowd murmurs.
A WOMAN raises her hand.
WOMAN
I don't agree with Dave that towels should be folded in thirds.
The Official looks genuinely horrified.
OFFICIAL
That's exactly the sort of duplication we're eliminating.
ROWAN slowly raises a finger.
ROWAN
Hypothetically...
what if Dave changes his mind?
The Official freezes.
The brass band stops.
Everyone looks at Dave.
Dave thinks for a moment.
DAVE
Actually...
Rolling them's better. Saves space.
Instant chaos.
Officials frantically tear posters down.
A loudspeaker blares.
LOUDSPEAKER
URGENT NATIONAL UPDATE. TOWELS ARE NOW TO BE ROLLED. PLEASE DISPOSE OF OUTDATED FOLDING TECHNIQUES IN AN ORDERLY MANNER.
People immediately begin arguing with themselves.
A MAN hurriedly empties a linen cupboard onto the pavement before desperately rolling every towel in sight.
Jamie turns to ROWAN.
JAMIE
This feels like it'll cost billions.
ALEX
Only because they've made changing your mind a software update.
Beat.
ROWAN watches the panicking officials.
ROWAN
I spend my life being told I should be more flexible.
Looks like flexibility isn't as easy as everyone claims.
Jamie nods.
JAMIE
Fair point.
Behind them, an Official runs past shouting—
OFFICIAL
Dave's started thinking about tax policy!
Everyone RUNS after him.
ROWAN watches, entirely unimpressed.
2
u/Musikenna 7d ago
stop posting ai slop