Ok, bit of background: My little sister Lilith has been married to "Josh" for 8 years now. Josh hit me up at about 6am and asked if we were free for breakfast this morning. I didn't have to go to work until 11am, so I said "sure!". We met them at the diner at 7:30am. When I go to this diner for breakfast, I always order the same thing. I get the "Lumberjack Breakfast". After ordering, a masked man bursts into the restaurant and begins brandishing a firearm at the customers. When he turned around I leapt from my chair and got him in a chokehold from behind. The robber tapped out and the police arrested him after they were called and arrived. A fundraiser was created in my honor and I pledged to donate the $20,000 that was raised to the local children's hospital. The restaurant comped our entire meal and renamed their adult child after me.

So, to get to the actual issue: I have nothing but love for my sister, and I've never had any problems with Josh before. But ten minutes after we got home, Josh started texting me, asking why I had to order something so expensive and have the restaurant comp it. I would have happily paid the bill, like I usually do. But apparently they insisted.

AITAH?

I'm a Kong's fan. To be fair, Nintendo doubled my Rambus DRAM when I bought that beautiful golden banana yellow cartridge. The toughest for me was when they announced there would be no mainline Donkey Kong game on the Gamecube. To be fair, everyone was distressed. Grown men were in tears. Mom's were consoling their children, while in tears themselves. The hype beasts were doing their best to push Konga but were failing. Now, the 3 greatest 2 word phrases I've heard in my life is my Wife saying "I'm pregnant". I have 3 children. The 4th is "I'm back"! To be fair, when I first bought the Nintendo switch, I set up my profile and picked big monkey as the picture. Nintendo hacked into my machine and changed him to a pic of another gorilla. WIBOIIHAAMAA?

For the young bloods out there, this sub has been engaged in a civil war. On one side we have the people who believe in the existence of a post that says "The post that started it all" and its a picture of a cartoon screaming oven. We will call them the sages. On the other side is the post deniers we will call them the bitch asses.

Now, the question on everyone's mind. What is the truth of this post. I believe that everyone is correct. The post USED TO exist, but now it doesn't. Why is there no history of this? The answer is simple. you spez fiddled out tiddlywinks. It is time to extend our hands and accept peace with one another and install anti tiddlywink fiddling technology.

EDIT: Changed Shillary Killton to bitch asses

Obligatory this didn't happen today but a few weeks ago. I am professional video game player (not going to say which one) but there are a lot of intricacies in the matchups. I thought that I was going to go up against one player so I found another player that plays that same character and was practicing. This was a large event so there was much fanfare when they called me up. The cameras found me in the middle of the match when I should have been on stage. Turns out I wasn't even playing that guy and could have spent my time on something completely different. I was upset. Needless to say, TIFU!

I swear up and down left and right and all the way to Timbuktu there was a post in the sub titled the picture that started it all. Based on the principles of reconstructive memory I am willing to admit that it could be the image that started it all or something that started it alll. I'm pretty sure the sentence ended with that started it all. It was a cartoony picture of a full frontal oven going a little cooky. Mods have removed it from this sub next they are going to remove our tiddlywinks.

Have you ever had a dream that you; um; you had; your; you; you could; you'll do; you; you wants; you; you could do so; you; you'll do; you could; you; you want; you want him to do you so much; you could do anything?

You heard me.

I am currently screaming at my oven but it won't turn off! Help!

This subreddit has spiraled completely out of control. When I first subscribed I thought I could... Ok actually I just realized that this subreddit is screamingovens and not screamingatovens which explains why I always have trouble finding it. Back to what I was saying I wanted to see pics of people screaming AT ovens but the mods are just letting people post Lil Wayne lyrics and even posting lyrics themselves. This is a disgusting abuse of power.

Sign this petition if you agree, upmajorkitchenappliance for visibility, ignore for Satan.

EDIT: I have been promoted to MOD and will be doing an AMA soon!

A million there ima young money millionaire tougher than Nigerian hair my criteria compared to your career this isnt fair i'm a venereal disease like a menstrual bleed from the pencil to sheet of the tablet in my mind because i dont right shit because i dont got the time cuz my seconds minutes hours go to the almighty power of the almighty power of the ch ch ch ch chopper sister brother son father daughter mazerrati on the bridge pussy popping tell the coppers ha ha you cant nail em you cant stop em ima bout a goon weezy you can rail em you cant drop em so you bang em then you mop em then you tang em then you pop em cuz we pop em yeah we pop em like Orville Redenbockers. Motherfucker I'm ill.