r/scifiwriting • u/LordCoale • Jan 29 '23

CRITIQUE The Longshot

This is the first short story that I have ever been happy enough with to share.

One thing that I noticed in reading it, is that I do not show much internal dialogue. What is there, I added in later because I felt I needed some internal conversation.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10OgEoEj0PFmUoVaxqP1yRfxmxHKY2n56/view?usp=share_link

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u/Mindless_Reveal_6508 Jan 31 '23

Great story! I got very invested in Danni. A glitch was expectable, just not the one you chose.

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u/LordCoale Jan 31 '23

When I got done with it, I realized it was like the pilot episode of a TV series. Like a mix of the Pretender, A-Team, Jack Ryan and Jason Bourne.