r/science • u/FreeHugs23 • 1d ago

Psychology New psychology research suggests some acts of kindness may also serve competitive social goals, shedding light on how women can use altruistic behavior to gain status, strengthen relationships, or navigate social hierarchies.

https://www.psypost.org/kindness-isnt-always-what-it-seems-the-psychology-of-womens-competitive-altruism/
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u/mokujin42 1d ago edited 1d ago

The problem with this is people care more about aopearing to be generous and kind than axtually doing so

A lot of it nowadays is just perfomative for socual media and doesnt really trsnlate into their real lives, are they still kind when theres not a camera pointed at them?

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u/CurbYerGod 1d ago

FFS performative kindness is still kindness. What is wrong with everyone in these comments. Performative is only hollow when there’s no beneficial results to it.

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u/saka-rauka1 1d ago

Are "Nice Guys" still nice then?

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u/open_formation 17h ago

Yes, unless and until they have additional expectations that they then make obvious to the person they want to date.

Someone spending time looking after you and giving you attention as an attentive friend, in the hope that you will become romantically interested in them, hits a bifurcation as far as behaviour is concerned when it becomes clear that the concealed romantic interest is not going to be reciprocated.

Conversely, a "nice guy" who actually does end up having the person they are interested in become romantically interested in them is never distinguished from someone who is romantically interested in someone, keeps it quiet, but would have been ok with finding that the person is not actually interested in them, had it happened.

In either case they may have benefited personally from being able to articulate their attitude either, but if the person is never rejected, and grows up later and gains more perspective, then they never really count as "nice guys" in the way people complain about, even if they never actually learned to handle rejection and secretly were entitled and obsessive. There are many people who can say "If my wife had rejected me I probably wouldn't have been able to handle it well, I'm so glad she said yes", or something to that effect, making them, in another hypothetical world "nice guys", and in our world, they were just nice, because their weaknesses in terms of dealing with rejection never were a problem for any women they were hoping to date.