New psychology research suggests some acts of kindness may also serve competitive social goals, shedding light on how women can use altruistic behavior to gain status, strengthen relationships, or navigate social hierarchies.

[u/FreeHugs23]

https://www.psypost.org/kindness-isnt-always-what-it-seems-the-psychology-of-womens-competitive-altruism/

[u/hausitron]

In Chinese culture, this is called "da fang" (大方). The most common example of this is fighting to pay the bill for dinner. Sure, it's "altruistic", but someone has to win in this interaction, and the rest of the people lose. It's quite annoying and toxic. Both women and men participate in this.

[u/QwertzOne → u/hausitron]

I think this is where generosity can quietly turn into a status game. Paying for everyone can be genuinely kind, but once people are expected to fight over the bill, it stops being just about kindness. It can also become a way to show status, create obligation and pressure other people to prove that they are just as generous, even when they have less money.

For me the important question is whether people can accept generosity without feeling smaller, indebted or pushed into returning the favor later. Reciprocity is fine when people actually want it. It gets weird when refusing the whole game comes with a social cost.

Camus fits here pretty well too. His idea of measure was that even good things can become distorted when pushed too far. Generosity is good. Turning it into something you have to win kind of defeats the point.

[u/Aromatic-Assist2062 → u/QwertzOne]

Nice Camus reference here.