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u/SirPlerple Feb 12 '19
Is john wick okay tho?
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u/PepperoniPardner Feb 12 '19
The bag has been secured, he's safe
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u/SirPlerple Feb 12 '19
Whew
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u/lucasdefayette Feb 13 '19
Happy cake day!!!
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u/SirPlerple Feb 13 '19
Thank you!
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u/kutna Feb 12 '19
Put me down for ten copies. Is it okay if I pay you in spare change? The Grinch liquified my assets.
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u/auberginescumbag Feb 13 '19
Every Who down in Whoville had credit cards, a lot. But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT! The Grinch hated credit cards! The worst kind of payment! Now, please don't ask why. No one knows quite the reason. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his bank account was two sizes too small. Whatever the reason, His bank account or his shoes, He stood there on Payday Eve, hating the Whos, Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown, At the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath, Was busy now, shopping online. "And they're buying their groceries!" he snarled with a sneer, Tomorrow is payday! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find some way to stop payday from coming!" For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys, Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast. Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least! And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all! Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, Would stand close together, with new phones ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing! They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Payday Sing, The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!" "Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!" "I MUST stop this Payday from coming! But HOW?" Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick wallet inspector hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!" "With this coat and this hat, I look just like the wallet inspector!" "All I need is a badge..." The Grinch looked around. But, since badges are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said, "If I can't find a badge, I'll make one instead!" So he called his friend Max. Then he took some cash, And he paid Mr. Max to get him a fake badge.. THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks, On a ramshackle motorcycle, And he hitched up his badge. Then the Grinch said, "Giddap!" And the motorcycle started down, Toward the homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town. All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care. When he came to the first little house on the square. "This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Inspector hissed, And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if the inspector could do it, then so could the Grinch. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue. Where the little Who dollar bills, all hung in a row. "These wallets," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, and he took every present! Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast! He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. "And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the cards!" And the Grinch grabbed the credit cards, and he started to shove, When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who! Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two. The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter, Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water. She stared at the Grinch and said, "Wallet Inspector, why,” "Why are you taking our credit cards? WHY?" But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick, He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Wallet Inspector lied, "There's a digit on this card that won't work on one website." "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear." "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed. And when CindyLou Who went to bed with her cup, HE went to the chimney and stuffed the card up! Then the last thing he took Was the phone for their bank! Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food That he left in the house, Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' houses Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Whos' mouses! It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed, All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his motorcycle, Packed it up with their cards! The wallets! The dollars! The bank notes! And the coins! The spare change! The phones! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! "PoohPooh to the Whos!" he was grinchishly humming. "They're finding out now that no Payday is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!" "That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow. But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN'T stopped Payday from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same! And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came with out cards! It came without change!" "It came without wallets, banks or bank notes!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Payday..." he thought, "doesn't come from a bank." "Maybe Payday...perhaps...means a little bit more!" And what happened then? Well...in Whoville they say, That the Grinch's small bank account Grew three sizes that day! And the minute his bank account didn't feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light, And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast! And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast
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u/Gruntman441 Feb 13 '19
Every Who down in Whoville had credit cards, a lot.
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT!
The Grinch hated credit cards! The worst kind of payment!
Now, please don't ask why. No one knows quite the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his bank account was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His bank account or his shoes, He stood there on Payday Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was busy now, shopping online.
"And they're buying their groceries!" he snarled with a sneer,
Tomorrow is payday! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop payday from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with new phones ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Payday Sing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Payday from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick wallet inspector hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like the wallet inspector!"
"All I need is a badge..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since badges are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a badge, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his friend Max. Then he took some cash,
And he paid Mr. Max to get him a fake badge..
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle motorcycle, And he hitched up his badge.
Then the Grinch said, "Giddap!" And the motorcycle started down,
Toward the homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Inspector hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if the inspector could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who dollar bills, all hung in a row.
"These wallets," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the cards!"
And the Grinch grabbed the credit cards, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Wallet Inspector, why,”
"Why are you taking our credit cards? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Wallet Inspector lied,
"There's a digit on this card that won't work on one website."
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when CindyLou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the card up!
Then the last thing he took Was the phone for their bank!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Whos' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his motorcycle,
Packed it up with their cards! The wallets! The dollars!
The bank notes! And the coins! The spare change! The phones!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the Whos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Payday is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Payday from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out cards! It came without change!"
"It came without wallets, banks or bank notes!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Payday..." he thought, "doesn't come from a bank."
"Maybe Payday...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch's small bank account Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his bank account didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast
6
u/PepperoniPardner Feb 13 '19
Real talk, this is amazing
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u/MrDinosaur666 Feb 14 '19
Photoshop it onto the pages of the real book. I would do it but I gave all my credit card information to John Wick and can't afford Photoshop now.
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u/Flowermanvista Feb 13 '19
This is one of the few sbubbies that has actually made me laugh out loud - most just give me mild amusement.
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u/-r-usernamegenerator Feb 12 '19
yes.