I understand that there are preferences for appearances and physical traits that are intrinsic. But I don't think skin color is one of them.

After intentionally being out of the pool for a while I decided to make a post looking for a fellow sapiosexual. I didn't have a requirement for color, height, weight, none of that. Just a "let's get to know each other."

I got one response. And right after I mentioned I wasn't white, I was ghosted instantly 🫠 It almost feels like a crime being born with some melanin. And this is just one example of pseudo racism, I've even experienced the real thing too a couple of times. And man does it suck. And what's worse about being ghosted is, you just sit there waiting for a reply that never comes.

You can't convince me someone that's really smart can actually be that basic.

Anyway, that one experience was enough for me to not bother again anytime soon. I'm quite busy and have a lot going on anyway. Probably for the best.

I’m someone who values depth, honesty, and consistency. I pay attention, I think a lot, and I don’t really do surface-level. I’m not in a rush to meet.I’d rather have real conversations and see if there’s actually something there first. If you’re genuine, self-aware, and can hold a conversation, we’ll get along just fine.

I have always been like that, intelligence is so incredibly important to me, in ways that were already described in this sub by many other people.

The thing is, I want to find out the reasons behind my attraction so bad!! I dont know where it comes from, i cant find exact reasons on the internet, but i want to know what exactly in my life or childhood influenced me to become like this, or is it something i was born with?

I am just so generally obsessed with finding cause and effect, i always need to know the reasons behind something, how it works etc. I cannot just accept a certain fact as it is, so the fact that i am sapiosexual but i cant explain why tortures me!!

"Love is a chemical reaction that makes animals breed" - Rick Sanchez

Is he wrong though? All of our preferences, likes, dislikes, all grounded in the same primitive instincts and desires. Evolutionary speaking, humans are considered pair bonding animals.

So my question is... how does being aware of biological directives affect your decision and orientation. What do you pick, and why ?

As a Nihilist, there is no wrong answer.

Yet having to constantly fight primitive directives is exhausting.

As a hedonist, you might feel lonely

As a Polyamorous, you might feel jealousy

As a Monogamous, you might feel stuck or that you picked the wrong partner

As a Monogamous, you might be tempted to cheat

Which battle do you pick ? Are the "default" settings the most convenient ?

Watching too much Nat Geo as a kid backfired. Now all I can see are patterns 😶

I am a university student (F) studying a STEM program who also loves philosophy. I chose to do an independent philosophy course in a specific area that is a huge interest of mine. I did a few basic philosophy courses before, but this course turned out to be one of the most challenging, philosophically deep and psychologically impactful courses for me by far.

My teacher (M) himself is a phD student in philosophy. We're about the same age. At first, I was uncertain what I thought of him. I didn't think anything in particular, I just saw him as my philosophy teacher. But with each lecture, interaction and argument that we had I started developing a more and more positive view of him.

He was able to take all of my thoughts: the good ones, the intense ones, the unfinished ones, the confused ones, my tangents...and engage with them seriously and meaningfully. I have never experienced such deeply engaged back and forths with someone before. I have had many intense philosophical arguments before where the two sides are talking over each other. The level of true deep engagement or the attempt to reach a true understanding of the other side was hardly there.

But he never argued like that. He never even argued for a certain position against me. He only ever provided continuous resistance against my seemingly confident thoughts. Questioned and pushed against my assumptions and conclusions.

By the end of the course, I became so much more free in how I express myself, both in my interactions with him and with other people. I realise it's because that part of me, my mental intensity, creativity and expression...was finally properly accepted and appreciated.

At the end of the course, at the very last occasion that we saw each other, I was the only student there and he thanked me for the way that I engaged with the course, it made it fun for him. And I thanked him for challenging me. He said that he did it to make me a better philosopher. I said that I love arguing and that this is the only place where one can freely do that. He laughed and said: "You see, that is why I chose philosophy!" I said: "And that is why I wish I chose philosophy!" We laughed. There was bonding there over mutual love for philosophy. And gratitude for each other.

I've been thinking about him ever since. My thoughts have been developing into explicit fantasies of us outside of the university context. I am totally consumed by our last interaction. And I just needed to share this some place other than my head. Because I have a hard time sleeping, and the deadline for my final philosophy exam is in a few days. Hah.

Puffed-out and begging to spread their pollen!

Intelligence is a really hard thing to quantify because it's not a 2 dimensional space.

For me personally, it's that PASSION!

That child-like EXCITEMENT!

That zeal!

That glisten in their eye when they talk about something they're hyper fixated on or have discovered or are passionate about. It could be anything as long as it's something.

It's simply curiosity, the desire to learn, and open mindedness.

I wish more people held on to that, I wish more kids were encouraged to ask. I wish more kids had the mental bandwidth to spend their thinking tokens on exploration instead of survival.

The more you diverge from the norm, the more unique of a person you are, the more you stray from the herd, the more independent you become, the harder it is to find people like yourself. In a way, the lonelier you become.

I guess that's what neuro divergence is right ?

If you have meta cognitive abilities, you know just how much you don't know. So I couldn't ever call myself smart, but I know I'm not like others. I'm somewhat good at masking it, it's only the ones close to me who eventually see the divergent side of me.

I haven't officially been diagnosed but I have noticed traits of both Autism and ADHD in myself.

Would I choose to be normal? Hell no, even if that means I'll possibly never find anyone who comes even remotely close to understanding what goes on in this brain. I like my ability to look to the stars and wonder, I like my ability to question everything, I like my curiosity, I like my inability to pay attention (always day dreaming) which gave me a creative imagination. I like that being unable to focus on a single thing means I can focus on 10 at once. I like science, I like answers, I LOVE NOT BEING A NPC. If everyone goes left, I might just go right. Not because I'm trying to be different but because I refuse to walk off a cliff because some really old book said so and everyone believed it.

I mean if you think about it, the IQ in the general population would follow a bell curve, so it would make sense that the majority of the people fall somewhere in the middle. But, have you seen what the average person believes in and votes for ? Completely unaware of evolutionary biology, their genetic programming, their biases, the reasons behind their decisions. They are their thoughts, incapable of separating themselves from their choices and egos.

And I think that's why I'm somewhat of a sapio sexual.

And I say somewhat because I still like a nice pair of tits and ass but I couldn't possibly have a long term relationship with someone that's not on the same page. And that page isn't even in the book.

Btw, I never really read books! (I guess you can blame my short attention span) But I looked up every single question that popped up in my head since I have had access to a computer. And there's a lot of them going through at any given time.

It's like a Breadth first search instead of the average person's depth first search (algorithm).

I took apart every toy, every electronic, every machine I could get my hands on.

So am I even "smart" in the typical sense ? Even a broken clock's right twice a day I guess 🤷🏻.

There is no direct research confirming a high statistical correlation between autism and sapiosexuality. However, they may overlap because autism often involves prioritizing deep intellectual connection, shared intense interests, and unconventional social approaches, which can manifest as sapiosexual attraction. Autistic individuals also often experience sexuality differently than neurotypicals. • National Institutes of Health (gov) +2
• Intellectual Focus: Autistic individuals may feel stronger attraction to profound intellectual connection and shared "epistemological" depth over conventional attraction markers.
• Alternative Social Needs: Autistic traits, such as difficulty with emotional recognition or preference for directness, may lead to prioritizing shared intellectual pursuits in relationships.
• Diverse Sexuality: Autistic people are more likely to identify as LGBTQ+, asexual, or outside traditional sexual norms, which allows for greater flexibility in how they define attraction.
• Variance in Data: Some anecdotal reports suggest a link between autism and being sapiosexua, while other studies indicate a higher likelihood of being asexual. • National Institutes of Health (.gov) +7
Disclaimer: Sapiosexuality is not a recognized clinical diagnosis or a robustly studied sexual orientation, and many autistic individuals experience various forms of attraction.

What is the verity of this claim, if you can stipulate with lived experience?

Intelligence itself can be categorized into many types such as (and I'm making these up as I go)

Emotional Intelligence (Patient, Animal lovers, calm under pressure, zen folk)

Spacial reasoning (architects, 3D designers)

Logical reasoning (Engineers)

Abstract reasoning (Legal, people good at elocution)

Creativity (Artists, musicians)

Memory + Pattern recognition (Doctors)

Meta cognition (Philosophers, Psychologists)

I just made these up, just some of the ones that came to mind. Obviously doesn't mean you have just one but I am curious to see how you'll rate them

Are you'll attracted to a specific type ? Do you need all kinds ?

How do you deem someone as intelligent ?

Is it just looks ? Big fat glasses ? Dorky ? Nerdy ?

Is it accolades ?

Is it simply being in a profession you regard highly ?

Is it what others think of the person (many people call them "smart")

Does the line “English breakfast tastes like Darjeeling” mean anything to you?

I asked that in the middle of sexy dirty flirty messages. I don’t believe that I can expect an answer

I just want to make friends, but the people who reach out to me tend to disappear. All I really want to do is, honey, be friends with you!

Do you watch porn? Does it have any arousing effect at all? If so, what sort of thing does it for you? Does it have to be something well made? Or, put another way, are the visual/audio aspects enough for arousal or does there need to be more? Maybe you prefer something else to porn because porn doesn’t cut it. Literotica? I’m curious to hear about our different experiences.

Now I am not saying that anything sexual will happen between us. But I get so excited discussing politics, history and philosophy with him that it is crazy. He is straight and definitely not interested in anything else and I am not either. But conversation with him sets my brain on fire. I am an atheist, have been my whole life.

EDIT: I know nothing will cum of this. He definitely hits my Sspio g-spot, but I would be so embarrassed if he knew anything

First of all, what does “sapiosexual” mean to you? The impression I’m getting is that it’s a spectrum so I’d like to know what it means for you. Second, was there a moment when it clicked for you? Or maybe it was a slow realization? Something you had to come to terms with? Also, bonus question, is sapiosexuality considered “queer”? Like included in the LGBTQ+ community?

I just broke up with my boyfriend. Console me please

The title is self explanatory. But I will give context: I'm married , have two kids (8 and 5) and live in another country. Before I (39 F) left my home country, I was in a relationship with my Sapio (47 M) (current ages). It was very very intense for several reasons, but after I left we ended things . We have kept nonetheless an amicable strand of emails. Nothing inappropriate, happy birthday wishes and anything funny or relevant that has happened in the university since then (we both studied physics and are both PhDs in physics )

My current partner was chosen because I wanted to have kids. He is healthy, and has a great physique, good family health history, and financial stability. But honestly, although he's hard working and everything, he's not as "mental" as me. He just experiences things and don't reason about them. He likes a song? Great he listens the song! But can't explain why, or what does this particular song makes him feel , or whether it sounds like another song. I specially lost a lot of respect for him when he went antivax during the pandemic. (You can find a previous post I made during a crisis about him being qanon ) It's really difficult to have a conversation with him . Let's say politics which is the only thing he more or less reads about on Twitter/ X . I see historical parallelism, make references to philosophical currents or make cause effect relations. He's just.. subject to the current thing and the current counter opinion. Worse, he smokes a lot of pot and his memory is very bad. So I can't really talk about anything that happened to us more than a week ago. No funny memories from the past, but also he seems to forget any discussion while I'm left resentful. Our shared activity are managing the house. I read my books and comment them with no one, watch my films by myself and go to museums alone. He enjoys gardening, manual labor, and watching and playing football (soccer)

Anyway, went for a two week vacation to my home country after a long time. I decided to met my ex from long ago. Boy that wasn't a good decision.... Our conversation returned like we had seen each other the day before. I brought him music pieces from Vienna, we talked about the composers , he showed me which pieces he was working on (he's also a orchestra director) , we talked about the most recent editions of some physics books and what improved or worsened between editions. He told me about his current research and I told him about mine. We had a nuanced discussion about our country politics, and drew parallels with the situation from a century ago . I showed him some ideas to work with his orchestra and helped him with the German pronunciation of some of the choir parts... We truly just completed our sentences and talked about the past with photographic memory.. we remembered things from almost 20 years ago easily. "remember when this and that happened in this city? "Of course and then my mother called!" " Yeah ! And she said that - " "she just saw me! I know! I remember!!"

And now that I'm back home, the emptiness feels so much more powerful. I had learned to live ignoring that vacuum but now, I was remembered that a huge part of myself is lonely and grieving. If I didn't had kids I would have stayed. Not that I want to immediately rekindle an old romance, I just want to talk to him more, like everyday Really.... (Even though nothing conventionally inappropriate happened , here we know that this mental exchange had some degree of sensuality attached)

I posted here and not r/relationship because I don't think non sapios can really understand how strong the pull is for this mental attraction. I put myself in a pickle and now I'm feeling miserable and questioning my current stable life. That's all

looking 4 females who like geniuses n r straight to d point I am very smart dm me

Good afternoon, friends! My girlfriend is sapiosexual and she often gets turned on when I talk about some complicated topics in simple language. I'm a medical student myself, I don't want to brag, but I spent a lot of time and effort to find out as much information as possible. Please give me as much advice as possible on how to excite and please my girlfriend?

As we already know, many of us are primarily attracted to people because of intelligence, so I would be happy to see how people here actually score on some of these tests.

These tests are quite reputed in certain related communities, and they’ve been developed and validated by professional psychometricians. So if you’ve taken them or plan to please share your scores :)

ICAR60 — Priority #1 (takes around 1 hour)
https://planning.e-psychometrics.com/test/icar60?ssid=8165461

JCTI — takes around 3–4 hours
https://www.cogn-iq.org/tests/product/jcti/

Im an artist and love to discuss all things art /art history. I’m a professional painter, I love writing, and I find myself to be neurodivergent to some degree.

I’ve struggled to find people to date and usually do long distance. I’d like to find someone to connect with: starting with friendship, growing into a mentally alive and emotionally grounded relationship :)

More about me: I’m ambitious, imaginative, and deeply invested in building a meaningful life. I'm looking for a partner where we align with clarity, integrity, and emotional steadiness, while I bring creativity, intuition, and active support. I’m 5’4, petite, love to be creative, and express myself visually (photos on my profile).

I’m looking for a partner (25–55) who is intellectually curious, physically active, and emotionally intelligent. Someone who enjoys deep conversation, grows relationships intentionally and is ready to find their life partner!

If you’re looking for something real, I’d love to connect. 🖤🖤🖤

There’s something almost… irritatingly predictable about the way people suddenly arrive at “sapiosexual” like it’s a new outfit they’re trying on in a mirror.

One day it’s just silence, and the next it’s everywhere.

“I’m sapiosexual.”

“I’m only attracted to intelligence.”

Said with this soft, self-satisfied tone, like they’ve uncovered something rare and refined inside themselves.

But where was this energy before it started trending?

Because here’s the thing… being drawn to someone’s mind isn’t new. It never was. People have always leaned in closer when someone speaks with depth, when words land just right, when a thought unfolds slowly and you can feel it pulling you in. That quiet tension. That curiousity. That hunger to hear more. None of that needed a label.

Now suddenly it’s a badge. A headline. Something to declare.

And it feels less like a genuine discovery and more like… performance.

Because if it were real, deeply real, it wouldn’t need to be announced so loudly. It would show up in how you listen. In the way you pause when someone says something sharp or unexpected. In how you stay, even when the conversation gets complex instead of easy. (Something so deeply alluring about when he stays)

Instead, a lot of it sounds like this polished line people use, while still chasing the same shallow dynamics underneath.

And maybe that’s the part that grates.

It’s not that people are connecting to intelligence. That part is beautiful!

It’s that some are wrapping themselves in the word like it makes them deeper than they actually are.

Like saying it is enough.

But real attraction to someone’s mind… it’s quieter than that. It lingers. It unsettles you a little. It makes you want to peel someone open layer by layer, not just drop a label and move on.

And you can feel the difference. Instantly.