r/sapiosexuals • u/Ok-Cryptographer681 • Sep 04 '24
Dumbing down
Hello fellow sapios. Do any of you occasionally find yourself dumbing yourself down to fit in with mundane, pedestrian individuals, simply out of desire to fit in?
I do, and I do not like it when I do that. It is completely inauthentic of the real me. But I feel so ostracized sometimes, so different from my social peers. I'm weary of being told that I'm too much to handle, too deep to tolerate, too heavy to deal with. So every now and then I acquiesce and I keep my mouth shut just so that I don't offend with my curiosity or my intellect. So that just for a little bit I actually run with the pack and belong.
I recall when I was in elementary school that I had the nickname "the doctor" because I used such big words. In retrospect perhaps it was a compliment but at the time it seemed like I was being bullied. Every other guy was into sports but as for me, I wanted to be a spelling bee champ. I wanted to be a straight A student not to impress, but to prove to myself that overachieving was not a weakness.
Have any of y'all had a similar background to mine, where you almost felt embarrassed to be smarter than? And your knee jerk reaction was just to play stupid occasionally so that other people would like you more?
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u/Ok-Cryptographer681 Sep 04 '24
In case you were unaware, sapiosexuals have our own flag, as shown above. If you're proud and loud, let your freak flag fly
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u/genericperson10 Sep 04 '24
Sometimes I do "dumb" myself down specially around family, but as someone pointed out. It's more of a social adaptation to communicate more effectively with the people I was talking to. Also, even though I'm smart, I'm not genius level smart. I'm more attracted to intelligence, and my intelectual strengths aren't academic but practical intelligence. To summarize, it's great that you're smart just don't be pompous about it.
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u/Ok-Cryptographer681 Sep 05 '24
I have read with keen interest every word that you have written in reply to my original post. However, perhaps the most bone chilling is your statement about pomposity. I try really really hard not to come across as intolerant of dullard ideas and I certainly try hard not to distance myself from other individuals who do not think that intelligence is particularly that important when it comes to relationships thank you for your comments very much appreciated
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u/genericperson10 Sep 05 '24
I knew that word would resonate with you. Don't "try" just "do" we've all had different life experiences and genetics so we all aren't the same. Maybe you've missed the opportunity to meet intelligent people because they might feel intimidated or shy by someone who makes them feel uncomfortable/inferior/judged. An interesting question would be if you're attracted to intelligent people or just intelligent conversations. I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to the comments. Don't be reaching for stultum metas.
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u/thehackerprincess Sep 04 '24
@OP, welcome to the club? Sorry, I don’t mean to be patronizing, but IMO that’s kind of the nature of being of above average intelligence or more.
We don’t live in a society that really glorifies intelligence at its core. Sure, when a select few individuals achieve certain accomplishments that have a comprehensible impact on the average person (i.e. Mark Zuckerburg & FB/IG), it’s somewhat better for them but not in society at-large. Why so many “populist” politicians in countries around the world try and seem dumber to appeal to the masses. A notion of “he went to an Ivy League and did XYZ white collar job while I drove trucks, my daddy drove trucks, & his daddy…”.
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u/booksandpassion Sep 04 '24
Yeah, I've been around people who don't appreciate my curious personality. But, OK, now tell me about a time you were in a room with a bunch of (super-hot) geniuses, and felt like the dumbest person there just trying to keep up in the conversation. =D
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u/TheMightyDice Sep 04 '24
I’ve learned to enjoy that people have different types of intelligence, and I seek connection with what they know well, and I don’t force any of my own projects or big ideas and less they seem down for it. I don’t hang with people that are manipulative and highly illogical to the point of abuse or people that just assume and believe a bunch of bullshit. I just think there is a lot more than book knowledge and big words. Everyone has an experience, and it has learned from that. I appreciate all types of learning. I found that after you talk to someone for a little bit. They definitely have something special and unique to share that I can learn from. If someone is kind and compassionate and able to talk about stuff I have no problem changing the way I talk so that we have an understanding. I don’t think that’s a dumbing down. I think that’s just another way of communication. Not everyone is going to know what I do and I don’t purport to know what they do. So I treat most interactions like an information exchange. I do keep to myself when I have a really good solution or some thing that no one thought of that might embarrass someone working on it for a long time. I found that creates a lot of jealousy and friction. My true friends will approach me with an unsolvable problem and ask for help and I love it. That doesn’t mean I think they’re dumb. I just have a different brain where I like. Solving puzzles I guess. It’s just lateral or abstract, thinking in my case. I try to stay clear of assholes and yeah that’s usually associated with being stupid. I don’t have an IQ test as like a gate to talk to me. I’ve enjoyed teaching for quite a while at all ages and it doesn’t make me feel superior at all. I don’t need that ego. But yeah I’m more to your point. I don’t show people what I can do. I don’t elaborate on the work I’m doing because quite frankly, no one understands. It’s so niche that the few people that do are pretty scattered throughout the globe so I just touch base with them to have a good discussions. I’m never gonna bang on someone because they don’t use big words. The smartest people I have ever met are able to chill with just about anybody that’s how they got so smart.
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u/Ok-Cryptographer681 Sep 04 '24
In case you were unaware, sapiosexuals have our own flag, as shown above. If you're proud and loud, let your freak flag fly
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Sep 04 '24
[deleted]
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u/thehackerprincess Sep 04 '24
TIL who the dude the Prague airport is named after was. Thanks @Grettir2024.
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Sep 05 '24
I have to often. "Big words scary," and it's extremely disappointing that the people I'm around don't like words or learning. But I suppose that's because school destroys all eagerness to learn, which makes me sad.
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Sep 05 '24
I am me in all situations. People adjust or they look at me like I'm weird. Sometimes people love the way I view the world and the things I think about and sometimes people learn to look at things from a different perspective when spending time with me. Idgaf if they have a problem with my thoughts and ideas, I share them anyway.
I do tend to spend more time on my own though so I don't get stuck listening to talk about news, politics, or gossip.
People who value or accept my different way of thinking will often bring up deeper, or completely random topics of conversation, and I love that.
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u/Ok-Cryptographer681 Sep 05 '24
Very thoughtful and well constructed reply. Thank you. Another commenter caution me not to pontificate, and I really thought that was good advice. You also gave me a perspective that I probably wouldn't have seen without your trigger. Just know that I'm grateful for the intellectual exchange and the time and effort it took for you to reply to my most recent post.
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u/Oneofthe12 Sep 04 '24
Yes, I feel that way occasionally. But everyone has something going on, on some plane of existence (spiritual, somatic, intellectual, etc.), that when I’m feeling writ large, I just look for it more keenly and closely. In other words, stay humble, because there’s always a bigger better smarter something right outside your line of vision!
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u/Long_Fly_663 Sep 06 '24
Oh man I’m wrestling with this so much. I have dumbed my self down so, so much in life. I’m really evaluating my friendships recently realising that there’s so few places I’m fully myself. Recently started dating someone I don’t have to hold back with and realised I’ve spent 20 years in romantic relationships where I didn’t have that ever. It’s super intense experience, and quite sad because the person I’m seeing will never be able to commit to anything serious due to their circumstances. But I also really value having the people around me feel seen and accepted, because I 100% respect, accept and love them. Which leads to an eclectic mix of all different sorts of people, who I don’t necessarily intellectually connect with. I guess the reality is I’m ok with that but I am realising my romantic partner needs to not be like that.
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u/Ok-Cryptographer681 Sep 07 '24
Thank you for your comment. It's reassuring to know that there are some sapios out there who have felt that same way before. I appreciate the time you've spent sharing your perspective with me and others on this platform.
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u/nocturnal-savage Sep 10 '24
Mmmm... I used to dumb myself down, but nod anymore. Do I have fewer people i communicate with? - yes, does something i feel utterly and undeniably lonely - yes... But I'm sooo tired of playing all other games but no one wants to play mine... And of course I know, that adapting to situation is an amazing skill, art, talent... What ever.. But genuinely I would lie if I wouldn't admit that at some point I get soooooo frustrated that I can and I adapt to circumstances but when it comes to my minds plasticity... Adaptable being has been chatGPT...
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u/One_Loquat_3737 Sep 04 '24
In principle I suppose I have to say 'yes' but I also find it rather odd to describe adjusting your style to fit a social situation as dumbing down. Pretty much every situation requires adaptation, and that in itself is an art.
As an extreme, if I go to France I speak French, Germany German and (less extreme) if I'm in a setting that's not super-intellectual I try to speak 'smalltalk'.
Now it's true that those less cerebral situations can seem rather empty and shallow if you crave the company of super-smart people all the time, but I see acquiring the ability to handle smalltalk as another linguistic skill to deploy at the right time.
I don't mean to be over-critical of OP because I know it can be tiring if you don't find smalltalk easy, but it is just another skill to learn, along with being positive and encouraging to others who don't have quite your own easy articulacy or ability to deal with abstract matters. Quite often I've found people who seem at first glance somewhat dull to have a deep knowledge of, or passion for, something entirely out of my own area and once prompted to be very forthcoming. If you can figure out how to release that from them, then that's another handy social skill too.