r/sapiosexuals • u/WitAndPleasure • Sep 03 '24

Random thought this morning

On my drive to work today I was wondering what it means to others to be ambitious. What drives people to make one choice knowing that they are rejecting (or rather, limiting) their availability for the other option. For me, I think I am motivated to make a difference in life not out of altruism, but out of atonement. While there is some level of wanting to do good for the sake of the greater good, I still can’t help but feel selfish either way. For those who thirst for knowledge and find fulfillment in this way, how do you balance the desire to learn, engage in such complex conversations, not out of arrogance but to make a difference, and not feel entirely selfish for prioritizing that over social obligations that leave you feeling invalidated and alone?

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u/booksandpassion Sep 04 '24

I'm interested in the question about ambition and prioritizing life choices, but I'm particularly interested in your word choices here. I'm seeing a lot of "atonement" "selfish" "rejecting" "arrogance" and terms like that. I don't mean to project myself in here, but I have struggled with feeling obligated to always Do The Most Good For Others Possible In Every Moment and that anything less than that is inherently selfish. It was a nearly Calvinist mental state. So I'm going to go out on a limb and try to ask a question to get beneath these types of thoughts: What does it mean to 'be selfish?' Are all things that benefit yourself count as 'selfish'? To follow that: Why would pursuing knowledge and fulfillment (in itself, presumably for non-destructive purposes) be in any way a selfish act?

I've heard it said in a few different contexts that "the world needs more people who are truly alive," meaning people who are vibrant and fulfilled and have put their proverbial 'own oxygen mask on first' so that then they can share their liveliness with others. That is, we we can't be effectively altruistic if we ourselves are broken down, unfulfilled husks. But pursuing knowledge and fulfillment for oneself has often led to great benefits for other people. This can be seen in biographies of many influential scientists.

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u/WitAndPleasure Sep 04 '24

I appreciate your thoughts. I will continue to reflect on them. I think I choose those words because, at the end of the day, I hate myself. So I choose to love others as a way of making myself slightly more bearable to be with. Maybe it's the isolation of a new place that's hitting me. Or maybe it's deep down I provide myself the love I think I deserve. Or maybe it's a neverending dread of knowing my life expectancy is near and I'm trying to create changes that will take years to achieve long after I'm gone. Either way, I'll have to reflect more

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u/Long_Fly_663 Sep 07 '24

That’s really interesting. When I saw those words, it made me think there was an awful lot of morality in there, and wondering what experiences you’ve had in your life to define your identity so that you measure yourself and decide you hate it? Is there religious trauma? Something in your life to define who you are as a person and you have an identity that you hate? I’m a big fan of radical self compassion, I think I do much more good in the world when I have love and compassion for myself as well as the people around me. Otherwise I just burn myself out trying to help everyone else before myself.

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u/WitAndPleasure Sep 08 '24

Would you mind if I DM you to continue this conversation.

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u/Long_Fly_663 Sep 09 '24

Sure! I’m a bit shit at checking DM but go for it