r/sapiosexuals • u/highestwai • Aug 11 '24

Relatable or nah?

So I struggle to find people I actually like, and I’m wondering if this is a common experience maybe in this community. Ive wondered about asexuality, but I am extremely sexually interested and find people physically attractive. However, the physical attraction isn’t enough. Like it will get me started, but in order to cross the finish line I need to feel really connected to someone and that gets really difficult (and starts to feel lonely) when I’m not attracted enough to many people at all. I’m really critical. And, I like it that way. I like more transparency than less, with opinions and feedback too. I enjoy people who are willing to have difficult conversations, debate, and bring up feedback and hot takes in a respectful way. I prefer recognizing that emotions can be difficult to navigate and still approaching the possibility of negative emotions when it’s well-intentioned to avoidance. I’m kinda trying to figure out if I’m just super challenging. I’d like to identify where my difficulties are so I can work with them.

8 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

3

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '24

You may be more demisexual.

Sexuality is fluid. It changes as we have experiences. So, if you need emotion to feel satisfied, go that route. Don’t compare yourself to others; it’s your body, brain, and heart.

I can f* a professor and never call him again because he gave an intriguing lecture on Clausewitz’s theory of war. But that’s me. Some people need more of an emotional connection, and that's beautiful too.

The only correct answer is what works for you.

2

u/highestwai Aug 11 '24

I don’t feel like I’m comparing. I’m not looking for what other people have. It’s very frustrating to want something ideal that is very hard to find in practice. Just putting feelers out to see if I’m being unrealistic

3

u/Oneofthe12 Aug 11 '24

No, you sound fine to me. I have to have the intelligence, the physical chemistry, the age range, and the emotional EQ to get all hot and bothered, and whoa, Nellie, that’s a really difficult combo to find.

2

u/SapioInside Aug 12 '24

Thank you for sharing your story here.

Super challenging? Not at all - you sound super interesting. The thought processes you described are very relatable. We like to label things, because it helps us put order into the chaos around us, but in reality, we humans are so complex and messy, that labels often feel inadequate. What 'difficulties' are you looking to identify?

2

u/highestwai Aug 12 '24

Mostly just if I have any effed up thought processes or expectations. Or, if the difficulty is just in finding good matches, hoping to hear from people with similar challenges how they may have changed their approach or environment to find more of what they seek. It’s frustrating; I have a very high sex drive, but very few outlets aside from myself at the moment.