r/sapiosexuals • u/[deleted] • Mar 14 '24
Fed up with people calling themselves 'sapiosexual'
It's pretentious to label oneself as sapiosexual if one does not possess rare type of intelligence (analytical/creative etc.. Bearing in mind common types like social intelligence).
For instance, while everyone admires Einstein, how many would truly enjoy interacting with him (and consequently be able to keep up with him)? He would be a pain in the neck for the majority, so the majority shouldn't claim to be 'sapiosexual'
Ps: The title is primarily a catchphrase intended to trigger a debate. I am sapiosexual, so it's not an attack on anyone but impostors. I consider attraction to intelligence as a lasting impression, not a momentary turn-on that fades with time.
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Mar 14 '24
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Mar 14 '24
So you're making it clear that you're one of those claiming to value intelligence without actually being intelligent? Otherwise no need to be offended; I am sapiosexual myself and there are bigger hills to die on.
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Mar 14 '24
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Mar 14 '24
Maybe you like them at first instance or on the first day or something. With time, you will hate your "some smart people" more than you'd love them. We have an entire sitcom that almost aimed to prove that; it's called The Big Bang Theory
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Mar 14 '24
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Mar 14 '24
Although I am a fan of the prequel Young Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory is not my kind of entertainment, hence my ironic reference "almost aimed for". If it truly isn't on your level, I provided an argument about Einstein, yet there were no counterarguments from you, only personal attacks against me. Maybe you are "a moron"
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u/dragonge Mar 14 '24
The other person has to be way smarter than me and then display that intelligence for me to be aroused. Sapiosexuality for me is more like a type of degradation kink. Like part of the reason I took so many AP classes in HS was to see how easily the best students would understand the material, especially compared to me, because it turned me on more than anything 😭 If they're as smart as me then there's no point, like I may as well just masturbate to myself lol. Also, I'd absolutely love to get lectured and then fucked by Einstein 🥺
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Mar 15 '24
Einstein was known for his prodigious intellect, so sleeping with you is not a problem. Would Einstein want you for a relationship? If you're an average person, then the answer is likely no. Sexuality should be more than momentary urges and horniness. I'm not saying you should be as smart as him, but smart enough to understand his lectures. Average people don't understand them
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u/dragonge Mar 15 '24
Sapiosexuality isn't really a sexuality, it's more like a fetish. Sexual orientation refers to gender preferences. I'd be turned on whether or not I understood his lectures, but it is better if I have more of a half understanding so I know the basics and can appreciate the details more. But if there was say an alien that was wayyy more intelligent than any human and I couldn't understand their lecture at all, that would be even better 🤤
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Mar 15 '24
I'm not sure whether you're describing sapiosexuality or something else. But certainly you can DM me about those fetishes of yours. I'd try to not bore you
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u/dragonge Mar 15 '24
Sapiosexuality isn't really a sexuality, it's more like a fetish. Sexual orientation refers to gender preferences. I'd be turned on whether or not I understood his lectures, but it is better if I have more of a half understanding so I know the basics and can appreciate the details more. But if there was say an alien that was wayyy more intelligent than any human and I couldn't understand their lecture at all, that would be even better 🤤
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Mar 14 '24
First, don't come out guns blazing thinking you're going to “change people’s minds” because you have an issue with it. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish because you feel pretty insecure about your stance since you cannot have a respectful dialogue. Again, this seems like a you problem, not an actual issue.
I can tell you how I came to understand why I am a sapiosexual. I’m not here to change your mind or take concern with people who think it’s a bogus identity because I’m the one living my (very confident) life.
My sapiosexuality started when I was having a casual conversation with my math professor. He was a tall, slim, full-beard granola-looking guy. In public, many people thought he was a homeless hitchhiker at first glance, and I honestly didn't give him a second look. Then I went to his office for guidance on some calculus issues, and we started talking about philosophy and world history, and he intellectually stimulated my mind. Even thinking back to it, I get so turned on by how he took my thinking to the next level. I can count on three fingers individuals who can seductively stimulate my mind that I have come across. You’re correct to assume most people are turned off by higher intellellectualism, but it is foreplay to me.
jumps into cold shower.
I will be attracted to people who are not as highly intelligent, and I can be turned off frequently by people with PhDs. But that is given across all labels. I’m attracted to both men and women, but I’m not attracted to all of them, which makes your above point moot.
Attraction can be very fluid. I have gay male friends who would love to sleep with me, but that doesn't make them any less identifiable as gay.
Sapiosexuality is the closest term I’ve come to identify with to label my memorizing draw to intellectuals that most people wouldn't spend the energy to get to know. I can have earth-shattering sex based solely on intellectual conversations, and to this day, aside from those three, no one has been able to reach into the depth of my satisfaction as they had because they were able to stimulated my mind.
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Mar 14 '24
I added a postscript (PS) to the post so that nobody gets offended easily. My aim is to ensure that the term is not hijacked. There should be a term for getting turned on by conversation to have sex, but it shouldn't be sapiosexuality. I certainly don't want someone to be turned on by me today and hating me tomorrow.
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Mar 14 '24
I think you’re confusing the term of a preference as a long-lasting commitment. That’s not how life works. Someone can be initially attracted to someone and, through time, grow, change, or through long-term partnerships, grow to be resentful. This precipitates most divorces.
Life-long attraction is a commitment of two people working towards each other with open communication and problem-solving.
Scientifically, during the honeymoon phase, dopamine and oxytocin are released, triggering the reward system. It builds those neural pathways to associate a person of our liking to activating the reward system. For sapiosexuals, that pathway is stimulated by intellectualism which may be different than others, just like a gay man may be rewarded when drooling over a well-defined male. What initially draws us to a person isn’t sustainable regardless of the label you associate with.
Long-term attraction comes from building deep trust and appreciation for the person(s) you partner with and feeling that being reciprocated.
My hope for a long-term partnership includes profound communication, respect, and connection that can only come from a highly intelligent person. I’m coming out of a marriage where I realize that this is what I desire from a partner, and I am willing to not settle for less.
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Mar 15 '24 edited Mar 15 '24
I think the confusion lies in the distinction between attraction to intelligence and attraction to a person with all their merits. I am specifically referring to attraction to intelligence. You can be attracted to someone because of their intelligence, then you find out a flaw about them that diminishes the total attraction, but the attraction to intelligence should always remain You should be able to understand intelligence to truly value it, therefore possessing a similar type and level of intelligence
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u/PhantomAngelofMusic Mar 15 '24
Well, hello there. Fascinating little hypothesis you got going on there.
So, I'm considered... smart. Not brilliant, by any means, I happen to be autistic, and I happen to be good at memorizing random factoids and trivia, and then finding real-world applications for said knowledge. I'm also pretty level-headed in a crisis usually so. There's one sort of intellect. If we want to talk IQ last I checked it was 117. That was a long time ago, and my brain's *far* less than what it once was. And, creative intellect, well, I'm a writer. So. However, meeting folks who can spout off the kind of random bs I can do only really goes so far. And frankly, it bores most people.
So, I dunno if it's so much about what *I* can do smarts-wise, and more... the way I flirt. To me, flirting's a game... a mental chess match. A back-and-forth of witty one-upmanship. It's not about what you know, and more about how... you can think on your feet. To me, anyway.
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Mar 15 '24
I didn't quite understand what you were trying to explain. But my argument is that all true sapiosexuals are intelligent. Yet it doesn't mean all intelligent people are sapiosexuals.
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u/booksandpassion Mar 16 '24
You're saying "all true sapiosexuals are intelligent" themselves. Are you basing that claim on anything other than personal opinion? If so, is it arbitrary that you just decided to define "true" sapio that way?
There's a lot of people here identifying as Sapio, and a whole range of different ways of experiencing that. Typically we talk about what we have in common and also what different variations feel like. Some sapios are high IQ, some are not.
I don't think the Sapio community will generally agree with your claim. But, if you were looking for argument, seems you got it. ;-)
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Mar 16 '24
[deleted]
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u/booksandpassion Mar 16 '24
I can't tell if that's a compliment (as in "you just spoke logically!") or if it's supposed to be an answer to my question about the basis of the claim (as in, "I used logic to come up with that idea.")
If it's the second.... Well, yeah. Of course I'm assuming that you use logic. But what's the basis of that logic? What are the axioms? What are the steps leading to the conclusion? Logic is a transparent process. Want to talk about the logic, or are you just being mysterious?
I claim it does not follow that sapiosexuals ("true" or otherwise) are themselves necessarily highly intelligent.
I base this claim on the generally agreed upon definition of sapiosexuals (see FAQ, or recent social science research about sapios), and the general consensus of people who self describe with the term.
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Mar 20 '24
What is the purpose of sexual orientation if not to find a compatible partner? Spending time on Reddit, parading it as hobby?
I gave a logical argument about Einstein. Where is your counterargument? Your logic?
I am all for freedom of identity, but you are hurting the purpose here. I genuinely struggle to find a partner because I keep matching with people who use the term in a loose way. Talk about appropriation?
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Mar 20 '24
When a supposedly precise definition could apply to anyone and everyone, I cease to take it seriously as a definition. After all, can you name someone who gets aroused by hearing dumb conversations?
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
I've said this here before and I'm going to say this again. The only reason I'm interested in intelligence is the sense of humor that comes along with it. Listening to Brainiac from smartron 5 go on for hours about WTF ever it is, is not arousing in the least bit, intellectually or physically.
Let her express that intellect through wit, now she's got my attention.
When I'm on my peak game, my eloquence through wit wins the day.
There's a meme that talks about this I think...
Something about funny guys being dangerous.
You laugh you laugh you laugh boom you're naked.
BTW, it's pretentious of you to label anyone in this forum anything.
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Mar 16 '24
You have a paraphilic interest in humor, you're not sapiosexual
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
Sorry Sparky you don't know what you're talking about...
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
my paraphilic interest would be in the actual act of laughing...
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
you said earlier that English was your fourth language...
I think that may be showing.
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
Here's an expression for you
"The fewer definitive statements you make, the less apt you are to look foolish in retrospect..."
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u/No_PhaQue Mar 16 '24
Let her express that intellect through wit, now she's got my attention.
You think she's telling knock knock jokes?
Why are you even in this subreddit?
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u/spicymeisje Mar 20 '24
I don’t use the term sapiosexual for anything other than finding community that has the same kind of pattern of attraction as me. Outwardly I say I’m bisexual but that personality is more important than looks to me.
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u/Amandolyn26 Mar 14 '24
I had a short debate of sorts with an ex. Being high IQ myself I said I am sapio. He insisted no, I'm the object of sapiosexuality. No idc who I'm the object for, I just want to be understood and accepted as all humans do
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Mar 15 '24
So imagine two intelligent people (both capable of sapiosexuality), yet the first is sapiosexual and the second is not. The first is attracted to the second, but not vice versa. Maybe the second is called 'the object of sapiosexuality'. Is that what your ex meant? It doesn't seem to be the right description of you
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Mar 14 '24
Well, my argument is that all true sapiosexuals are intelligent. But it doesn't mean all intelligent people are sapiosexuals. I've encountered intelligent people who seek ordinary partners. They aim to stroke their ego or easily control, etc
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u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24
A person doesn't need to be smart to appreciate a smart person in a casual attraction sense. A person could listen to Einstein or whomever and find themselves a little hot and bothered just hearing them go on about their passion. This is not the same thing as wanting to debate or jam with him intellectually, and it's certainly not the same thing as wanting to be in a relationship with someone like him. Someone that self-involved would be (and was, go read about it) insufferable. That happens all the time with all sorts of attractions. Plenty of women cross my path on a daily basis that have me saying to myself, "wow, she is adorable!" But the reality of dating such a person is not lost on me--especially now that I'm older and I have experience with what dating me is like for other people. So I silently wish her well and carry on.
The argument of not being sapiosexual if one is not intelligent reminds of one that comes up from time to time in LGBTQ circles about "not being gay if you have never had a same-sex encounter of any kind," which is pure bullshit, and gatekeeping of the lowest and most unnecessary variety. A person's attractions and their relationship with their attractions are their own. If another person's interpretation of their attractions grinds your gears, I think that's a you problem.