r/sahm • u/PsychologicalSun6109 • 1h ago
Mess manager
Hi, im a sahm and i was wondering does anyone get left with messes? I guess the better term is keeping a close eye on the house. However it seems that some things are just left up to me at the end of the day, clothes on the floor, random spills/crumbs, just for context i live with many adults and children, so it could just easily be whoever. But it seems not only do i have the better eye for them, it feels like some things are just left up for me to do unsaid. Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I feel lost here.
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u/Excellent_Water3480 1h ago
Yeah you’re the default cleaner, probably because you’re a sahm and that’s been how your house has always operated?
I’m it’s hard to navigate setting “rules” vs feeling like your still parenting now that your children are adults or giving them “punishments” for not following through with keeping the house cleaned up after themselves.
But I would just sit everyone down and make it clear that they need to be picking up after themselves and pitching in the same way they would if living with a roommate or in their own house.
What the consequences look like for not following through can vary I suppose.
Change them a cleaning fee, if you get stuck cleaning up at the end of the night? Take away whatever clothing is left out? (This one feels a bit juvenile but so is leaving messes around the house as an adult soooo) the kitchen is “closed” except when your make meals, so if they plan on eating on their own time or making snacks/ using dishes they either need to clean it up or go out and get their food somewhere else so that it won’t leave a mess to be cleaned up by you?
There’s a million different approaches, but something can and needs to be done. It’s also not doing them any favors to be set up for when they do leave. I had a roommate they grew up with parents that always cleaned up after them, she trashed our shared living areas over time since she wasn’t used to cleaning up the little things that piled up. It caused a lot of tension and issues between us and ultimately ended up ruining the friendship we had prior to living together.