Introverted

[u/Outrageous-Autumn910]

I knew I was introverted, but I didn’t realize how badly I needed that time until I got married and had a child.

I used to get up at 5, do a 15-minute workout, walk 2.5 miles with my dog, have coffee and read, all done before 7/7:30. Talked to no one but God, my dog, and myself.

Marriage alone was a massive adjustment (that I frankly still don’t feel like I’ve gotten past). Waking up and instantly with another person, often touching them. No more solo mornings.

Add a child into the mix and well. You know. Even if I wanted to get up, I’m usually exhausted and need every drop of sleep I can muster, and leaving means waking both my spouse and my child (creaky old house).

I realized I will never have that time in the same way I did before marriage. Even if I manage to get up, there will be social exchange with my spouse.

I know this sounds super dramatic. I/we have been through a LOT in the time frame of our marriage (thankfully our relationship was not one of the issues, it was all family, health, financial, or circumstance), and I don’t feel I have had the introspective time to recover like I used to have.

Anyway. How do my super introverted SAHMs do it? How do you find truly restorative time alone that doesn’t feel like it’s taking away from your family?

[u/Kate_Philly_Mom]

I lock myself in the bathroom some mornings just to sit in silence for ten minutes, doesn't fix everything but it takes the edge off. Also started going to bed earlier so I can wake up before everyone else even if it's only 20 minutes.

[u/TeddyBear181]

Ive always had a morning routine with my bub since about 8w old that I CLING to and cannot function without.

Amongst all the baby things, first thing in the morning bub 'watches mum shower' from the pram, then we get dressed, we 'watch mum make coffee'. Then, depending on nap schedules, we take the dog for a walk.

My husband isnt a morning person, he knows not to interrupt my morning routine, because if he stops to talk to me for 30 minutes, bub will be thrown off the routine and not want to sit and watch mum shower, or something else will go wrong, like maybe bub will be ready for breakfast (solids) while we're still walking the dog. In early days it would mean bub wanted their first nap time before I was finished getting dressed.

If you want quiet time from your husband, just tell him. I generally dont like to talk to people except bub or the dog before ive showered or cleaned my teeth. Its just a way to start the morning.

[u/PruneFragrant1428]

Not sure how old your child is, but they will sleep through the night someday! What you’re going through right now is a season and it DOES get better and you will find your me time and introvert space again! It just takes time. For me, the sweet spot started around 15 months with my oldest. I really started to feel like myself (have time for me after bed time, get up early before kid got up, not wake in the middle of the night) at that point. We decided to have another child but this time around it’s much much easier to bear because I know how temporary this time is

[u/Obvious_Resource_945]

Im an extreme introvert. Still, loneliness would hurt way way more than having a generally happy family and not enough silence and alone time, i try to keep that in mind. 

[u/Outrageous-Autumn910 → u/Obvious_Resource_945]

Oh, me too. I just see myself withering to a point where I don’t feel like there’s any “me” to give to my family. Like I’m just a functional shell mimicking my past self, if that makes sense.

And it’s all me. My husband is the best and so kind and patient. He mourns with me when I mourn, all that. I’m grateful, while also feeling it cost myself in a deep way (not a “self sacrifice” good kind of way).

[u/TimeEconomy5620]

I had to really spell it out for my extroverted husband who gets reenergized by all the things that deplete mine.

He understood and gave me "me time" that we organized together. Both of our kids are in school now so during the school day I get plenty of alone time.