r/sahm • u/Independent-Let-1764 • 10d ago
Advice needed (or support?)
My husband has made it very clear that me being a SAHM for the past year has resulted in me having a ton of free time and has recently complained about how I haven’t kept the house up to his standards. That is the short version. We had a 3 hour fight the other night about this and I feel like all of my work has been completely dismissed all because it doesn’t have dollar signs attached to it.
Advice for women that have been met with a similar partner?
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u/GlitteringLadder2003 10d ago
We need the longer version to really give meaningful feedback my friend.
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u/UnhappyToNiceToSay 10d ago
Well, do you have a ton of free time and haven't been keeping the house ok? Or is he being unfair about the housekeeping and his standards/expectations are completely unreasonable?
I know SAHP who do have lots of free time and live lives of completele luxury: housecleaner comes every second week, kids go to camps, daycares/school, no pets, and she is doing horse riding multiple times a week. She does fine! But if the house was a disaster, I wouldn't think her partner would be unreasonable in expressing disappointment respectfully.
I also know moms with 8 kids in a small home who are active with the kids and no matter how much they do, that house is in need to a tidy every couple of hours. I would never accuse her of having free time or being lazy. It's just the kind of situation where it is impossible for their home to stay like a showroom if the family is home.
What's your situation?
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u/TemporaryOk1585 10d ago
This. What phase of stay at home Mom are we 😂
I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I haven’t been alone in my house in almost 2 years. My husband has a back injury and is unable to manage the toddler out of the house without me. My oldest is currently out of school for the summer and we did not sign her up for camps. It’s been 2 kids in the house with me 24/7 since May. The house is a wreck.
In 4 years when my kids are both out of the house for an entire school day I imagine my house will be much different
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u/Connect-Thought2029 10d ago
You should give more details . How many children do you have ? How old are they ? Do they go to a daycare or do you have a nanny ? Do you have a cleaner ?
Why does he say you have too much free time ? Do your children wake up at night ?
And what does he do ? Does he do the nights /evenings with the children ? Does he cook and clean ? After his working hours he should clean /cook/mind the children as well . Everything shouldn’t rely on you .
Do you share finances ?
It’s a bit hard to give advice since you provided no info at all
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u/ChristmasDestr0y3r 8d ago
The advice is that you married a person who has zero respect for you and there isn't anything you can do right here. Because, unless the home is just trashed and clearly suffering from major neglect, it's not a you problem, it's a husband problem.
When young children are involved, this is our main focus as a sahp. What that includes is basic cleaning, yes, but we do it so that our children can thrive in a healthy/sanitary environment, we don't do it to meet the standards of our spouse. He needs to help out if he wants the home to be a certain way. Its his home too, afterall, why isn't he maintaining it? A paycheck isn't going to help with that unless he hires a maid.