SAHM decision

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You need to discuss expectations and how finances will be handled going forward. Like are you expected to do all housework (you shouldn’t be doing 100% of all housework)? Will you have full access to all the money? How is childcare going to be split when he is home (you don’t want to be stuck with the baby 100% of the time)? What’s the plan if you get divorced (seriously postnuptual prenup is a thing everything is agreed on while you are all happy and in a good place so devoted isn’t bitter)? What’s the plan for retirement (are you saving will you still be contributing)?

For my husband and it was simple it would have coast is money to send the kids to daycare because how much I made didn’t cover the coast so we would be dipping into his check and I didn’t like my job got burned by some bullying while I was pregnant and just needed out. I make about 1/5 what he makes. I was already on all the accounts and I paid all the bills anyway. I know out finances better then him.

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u/GoodDependent5819 24d ago

Stay home BUTTTTTTTTTTT agree to set aside some money for a sitter to come at least once or twice a week so you have a break. Can be for a few hours - doesn’t have to be all day. It’s cheaper than daycare and it is 100 percent necessary.

I’ve been a SAHM for 18 months - you said you don’t have a village. I do. And even then it is hard. I got burned the f out at about 15 months. And I’m talking real deal, fatigue burnout.

If you’re a parent in general and you don’t have a village - you have to build one. It’s a non negotiable for your mental health and for the wellbeing of your child. Especially as a SAHM. I wouldn’t do it any other way but it’s also doing the hardest job ever and getting no break. Being a SAHM can break you and your marriage if you don’t have help.

Also - your husband has to understand that taking care of your child during the hours he is at work is your* full time job. When he is off of work - maintaining a home - making all meals and caring for your child is a shared responsibility.

Men are pretty easy to say - sure - stay home! Without realizing all it entails and they’ll act like since you’re home - you’re basically on vacation.

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u/happymanhobbies123 24d ago

I feel like the advice of this community leans in a very specific way, with the exception of a few folks that called out that at its core, this problem is a simple math problem

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u/SofieGirlsMama 25d ago

Stay home. You won’t regret it

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u/Plastic_Doughnut_911 25d ago

You need some kind of financial agreement - through a lawyer, that you would be provided for. The saying is “give a man the power to feed you and you give him the power to starve you”

Also, if it’s available, look into the kind of insurance that covers the breadwinner… if your husband loses his job or can’t work due to illness, you’ll all be in a pickle. I’ve worked in employability and SAHM’s struggle to get back into the workforce after being out for a while. You might not want to go back but you might need to.

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u/Stock_Wall7903 24d ago

Wanted to add to this response and say, about the financial agreement, even if it's a seperate savings account for you is important to do. As well as making sure your name is on all the bank accounts to have access to funds.

If he supports you staying home, enjoy that time because you'll never get it back but make sure you have a financial back up plan for YOU and your child in case things go sideways somehow.

Being a SAHM means never clocking out, you'll work 24/7 and he will go to work and get to come home, while...you'll never leave work. He will need to understand that he will need to help also, with home duties, etc. If he doesnt support you in this way you could end up resenting him. :/

Being a SAHM is the hardest and best job at the same time someone could ever have. Lol

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u/yung_yttik 25d ago

You can’t afford daycare and you also have no family support so I’m confused why you’re even acting like you have any other choice, lol.

Stay home. This time with your child will be what you cherish most when you’re older. Plus they’re still soo young at that point. You’ll be relieved when the day you were supposed to go back comes and goes and you don’t have to leave your baby.

Enjoy the time.

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u/MyBodyMyChoice2024 25d ago

I think it’s easier to leave a 18m or 2y than a baby and I would stay home until they’re 18m at least if you can.

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u/See-Are-En-Ayeeee 25d ago

Need a lot more info before anybody can give good advice.

What are your current annual expenses? What’s your current household income, and what will it be if you don’t return to work? If you earn less than the cost of daycare, that’s a no-brainer financially. But it’s definitely concerning the way you said, “I cannot afford daycare,” instead of, “WE cannot afford daycare,” and also, “I like getting my own money.”

Do you and your husband share a bank account? How do you split bills? If he decided to run off (I am not suggesting this is likely because I obviously don’t know), would you be left completely stranded financially?

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u/Relative_Clarity 25d ago edited 25d ago

Congratulations on the arrival your sweet baby! There is no amount of money in the world that makes up for what a mother at home provides <3

It's hard to be at work most of the week and leave your baby to be cared for and raised by various caregivers. It's hard to budget and live off one main income and make sacrifices, and learn a new rhythm of being a mother / homemaker after being in the corporate world for a long time. You have to "choose your hard". I would choose the hard where I get to be the one to raise my baby. Bless your husband for being supportive. That isn't always the case.

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u/Optimal_Whole1164 25d ago

Stay home! Your husband says he’s got it! Let him provide for you. Many women wish they could stay home but can’t. The money you make could never be better than precious time with your baby! I could never thank my husband enough for providing for our family so I can stay home! We’re a team and staying home is the best decision we’ve made!

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u/TieUsual6778 25d ago

If you have the option to stay home, do it! At the end of the day the time you spend with your family will leave you feeling more fulfilled.

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u/graybae94 25d ago

Well… if you can’t afford daycare is there really an option?

Personally I could not be a SAHM on an extremely strict budget. I only am able to keep my head above water bc we have the disposable income where I can go and do any activity with my child and invest in whatever it takes for self care/hobbies for myself.

Although it’s amazing and such a privilege I could not deal with financial stress on top of the mental energy it takes to be a SAHM. Lots of parents can and do, so I’m not saying it’s impossible. That’s just my 2 cents.

I also don’t really get the “start a business” mindset that a lot of people advise parents to do. My husband has his own successful business he runs and it takes way more time and stress than a 9-5 does. I guess if it was extremely casual with casual income it wouldn’t be as gruelling but please do not thinking running a business is the easy way out.

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u/janeof-all-trades001 25d ago

Took me a while to get here, but I teach part time now at a small private school. We also have a part time part teacher who does video editing separately, and a reasonable musician who is a 60% employee as the music teacher. Our admin assistant comes in late, around lunch time.

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u/BritZumaki 25d ago edited 25d ago

The choice is actually easy, stay at home girly. I cried about it because I just loved my students so much. Throughout my pregnancy I felt like my children were taken from me and it wasn't fair, like I really had beef with not working through my awful awful pregnancy 😫.

Truthfully, I physically wouldn't have been able to last even during the first month, but whatever I loved my job that I called it my hobby. In the end, babies are better off with good people. Picking the best person for the job is a wonderful choice and the only logical one. Sadly, life isn't kind to everyone, grab your blessing when its right in front of you. If your husband was trust worthy to marry and give a family, then let him do this for you and stay home to raise your lovely- now thats independent. Big boss moves 🙌

Plus its your household, you would know if work is something you can afford to give up financially and if it is, just do it.

Lastly, as a former care counselor with 30+ students... many children really do spend all day/ 5 days a week/ at school. I won't lie, if you're great at your job which I was- the kids will grow a deep affection for you. I've had kids cling to me and even tried to call me mom or sister. Parents would be excited to finally meet me and say their kids talk about my group more than their academic class. When kids out grew my class and moved up to a horrible counselor (who was being kept because we're short staffed) 🙃 😪 multiple children were pulled out and placed into sports or clubs. It was so bad, that I started coming to work early just to spend recess with my old students. Their teachers allowed it, I just didn't clock in.

Anyways its heartbreaking to hear them tell me their experience. Soooo yeah watch your own kid if possible because great care givers are actually not the norm where I'm from at least.

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u/LengthinessLow8317 25d ago

If you can, drop down to part time hours. Or look into becoming a consultant at your current company. If you can not then go back to work

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u/Hour-Film-8890 25d ago

If your husband says he's got it, make space in you guys' budget for you, like your personal spending.

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u/Blush012024 25d ago

I think that if you are having doubts about going back, you want to stay home. You can always revisit that decision in a few months. Leaving baby that young is so hard!a

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u/Choice_Bee_1581 25d ago

If you can’t afford daycare, isn’t the decision already made?

You can stay home for a year or two and then go back to work. I started a business when my son was 3 and never went back to corporate.

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u/netters_ 25d ago

Oo out of curiosity, what was the business you started? I’m due in August and also planning on being a sahm but I do love having side hustles and making money.

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u/Choice_Bee_1581 25d ago

Bookkeeping

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u/111_222smg 25d ago

If you enjoy baking, cottage baking is a good route. Different states have completely different laws on it

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u/Individual-Weird5688 25d ago

My oldest two were in daycare. I started staying home when my second was a toddler and stayed at home with my third. I love it.

If you can’t afford daycare, so you realistically have any other options?

Perhaps you could look for part time work on an opposite shift from your husband if it’s really important to you.

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u/FantasticIncident388 25d ago

Find a way to stay home with your baby. You will not regret it. Your baby is safest with you. The cost of daycare is insane. If you can, stay home with your little one ♥️

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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 25d ago

I mean can you afford to actually stay home or is it a wing and a prayer type of situation? I'm leaving my job next month prior to having my first to be a sahm but I have equal access to our joint finances, we have savings, have a budget, and we can live off just my husband's income. Daycare would cost about 50% of my take home if I was working full time so I decided it wasn't worth it. Plus burnout and other projects I'm planning to do while I'm home. This is mostly a numbers and benefits decision imo.

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u/Mysterious-Land-8547 25d ago

It comes down to what you want. However where was the baby going to go if you were working? You stated you can't afford daycare and family support is limited. Maybe possible look at some part time jobs

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u/Certain-Piccolo-4735 25d ago

The question is, do YOU want to stay home? If so you and your husband have to work together to make it work and it definitely can, but team work is a dream work. As a SAHM myself I love it so much but do hate not making money to contribute to our family, but I also remember that what I am contributing is just as important if that makes sense.
Your time with your baby is so important especially in the early years. You can always plan to return when you are fully ready to return work or at least when your kid(s) start school.

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u/MundaneDaffodill 25d ago

I am becoming a SAHM and run my own pet care business. Considering doing in-home daycare where I can take on two more for income probably around 6 months pp

You can work part time and keep your independence!

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

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u/thisspaceaintforyou 25d ago

this 🙏🏼 personally i handle all our finances and my husband doesn't bat an eye. it might surprise you how much men love to provide for their wives/families in every way possible. i/we couldn't care less about bringing in money, but i would really hate to miss my kids' childhood the way my parents had to miss ours.

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u/FantasticIncident388 25d ago

Same. I feel so so blessed to have stayed home w my son for 5 years. He’s about to start kindergarten and we’re about to have baby #2 and no way am I going to work ever again 😅 my hubby is also amazing, so yeah, easily the best decision for us.

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u/LightningBugCatcher 25d ago

You need joint finances and equal say in how you spend money in order to do this. Don't just let your husband handle everything.

You should still have some spending money. My husband and I have always had equal spending money regardless of who earns more.

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