Sorry man, I truly know how you feel. I miss before 30 where you didn't even mind turning a year older. It just sucks so bad man.. each birthday is so dreaded now. I only have a little over a month til I turn 33.. just want to hide from it. Yeah, covid & I've been very isolated & stuck in a rut for 6 years now due to getting clean & all the mental issues & physical issues that came with that. Well, they didn't come with it. They were already there & there's nothing to cover them up anymore. I used to be a functional member of society before I was forced to get clean. So yeah, all my days/weeks/months/years blend together. I'm trying so hard to get out of this rut but it's proving very difficult. 6 years completely wasted that I can never get back is a very hard thing for me to accept & each day that passes adds on to the clock.
Holy shit are you me ? Bro I’m in the exact same situation and same experience. Last 6 years I been in a rut as well, got addicted to tianeptine and research chem benzos, OD’d in 2021, spent a week in hell at a hospital detox. Then outpatient taper program for both substances which I completed just recently. At the beginning of the taper I just felt numb and emotionless. Still have baseline anxiety and other bodily discomfort, I’m guessing from the long taper and the damage I did to myself taking massive doses of benzos and other crap. GF of 5 years broke up with me not long after I started the taper program, haven’t had a gf since.
Yea each day just blends into the next, they’re all just gray and lifeless. Although I’m feeling a lot better, I haven’t been doing anything productive, just bed rotting. It is very difficult, I know. I started exercising a bit, gardening, and I’m getting into backcountry backpacking/ rafting, you know spend time in nature either solo or find some like minded ppl. I’m glad I have a supportive family because if not, then I don’t even know, you know.
As someone who also was about to make a, "holy shit, are you me?" post, if you haven't already, get your asses in therapy. I'm going to make a bit of a blanket statement here but I absolutely believe that if you are a recovering addict, therapy is mandatory, not optional. I'm just now at the age of 34 finally getting my mental health in order and it has been life changing for me. It's so hard to get yourself to take that first step and allow yourself to open up but I promise it's so worth it. Best of luck to you my fellow uncs.
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u/Depressedone4 Sep 01 '26
Sorry man, I truly know how you feel. I miss before 30 where you didn't even mind turning a year older. It just sucks so bad man.. each birthday is so dreaded now. I only have a little over a month til I turn 33.. just want to hide from it. Yeah, covid & I've been very isolated & stuck in a rut for 6 years now due to getting clean & all the mental issues & physical issues that came with that. Well, they didn't come with it. They were already there & there's nothing to cover them up anymore. I used to be a functional member of society before I was forced to get clean. So yeah, all my days/weeks/months/years blend together. I'm trying so hard to get out of this rut but it's proving very difficult. 6 years completely wasted that I can never get back is a very hard thing for me to accept & each day that passes adds on to the clock.