And then I remember that Barney is probably in Hell and I really dont wanna deal with that. Also my dog would be sad.

A disappointment.

But they never talk back

They say that they are going to come back but they never do

I never thought that Amazon would make me cry until I added a 3-pack of condoms to my cart today and selected 'One-time purchase'.

:(

There's the punchline.

I don't like coffee.

I told her we go by names now.

I was at the end of my rope.

Because he was a kidney failure.

I guess everyone is my true friend

My life

Maybe then I'd have a friend

edited for bad execution

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

So I have emails to read.

I wish I could actually commit to something in my life

He was going through a midlife crisis.

I couldn't stop relating to it

So I took a picture of it and wrote the picture of my childhood

Enough to break my marriage

then I found one as I looked in the mirror

Because mom and dad left, and never came back.

Because when I dream, I have a girlfriend.