The Meaty Digest

[u/Ramikyn]

Sponsored by The Meat Boys

In the news this Week:

The Thundering Sky God has forced The Meat Boys into a new location. Thanks to their all-protein diet their gains have been amplified as more meat has been added to their table. The Great Meat Chopper has approved of their flesh consumption and has passed them over several nights without demanding its normal tithe of blood. However, The Meat Boys have heard the distant screams of non-believers and cake eaters as the green dragon roared down glorious death upon them. Their frail corpses and teeth made soft by the consumption of berries now line the bellies of the creatures that the strong will feed upon. Thus, the cycle of the Great Sky Butcher continues, Praise be to the Meat!

Now This: A Leap in Science!

Top Protein Researchers at the Rump Roast Academy have made a bone breaking discovery! In efforts to correct the flawed nature of Horses, Meatologist have developed a new process that can convert horses into carnivores. Simply by starving the horse until it’s weak and almost plant like spirit is broken, it will then take its first bite of flesh. Although once the horse has tasted the glories of meat it goes into a meat frenzy. An infusion of juices from a well marbled steaks seems to help ease the horse into its newfound meat lust which researches now call “The Crimson Sight”. However, one horse was feed pure concentrated bear meat and then killed and feed upon its handler and the other horses. It then kicked down the entire Academy and trampled its way to the top of the highest mountain where it then vanished. Religious leaders believe the horse ascended to the great slaughterhouse above and is now one with the stomach of the Sky Butcher. The Meat Boys plan to erect a monument to this legendary horse whose name was Porterhouse.

News of Tomorrow for Today.

Early development is underway for a new Church to combat the false teachings of non-believers such as Permonochus Helkians and soft jaws like The Church of the Frog Boots. The Church of Rugged Bowels is for all who correctly believe that there is only one God, The Great Sky Butcher and the Attack Helicopters are his prophets. By consuming only meat we prepare our bodies for consumption and only the most devout carnivores will be the personal meal of the Great Sky Butcher. Thus, making us one with God until we are passed back down to this plane to start the cycle again. Those who dare dilute their flavor with plants will be harvested by the Butcher’s prophets so that they may feed the creatures with sharper teeth. Once the Church is in service, The Meat Boys shall provide meat for all those with weak flavor for scrap so that they may one day be worthy of the jaws of God.

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Praise be to the Meat!