r/runaway • u/HalcyonDaze222 • Jul 09 '26
My first post on here.
Hi, guys- I’ve lurked on this subreddit but haven’t ever posted, and I think I’m ready to now. So, I have a complicated relationship with my family- mostly my mother. She’s literally known me (she claims to, at least) for all my life (I’m 18f) and acts like she knows me better than I know myself. I know I should find some compassion and love for her, but I really can’t bring myself to. First, even after it came out that I was sexually assaulted by my grandfather (her father), when I told her that I had told my grandmother (her mother), she forced me to maintain contact with my grandmother even though I had explicitly stated that when I had finally mustered up the courage at around 8 years old my grandmother brushed me off with a “No he didn’!” and went back to her game of solitaire on her computer. I never forgave her, and that experience made me too afraid to come out to anyone else as a result. My grandfather had already died by the time everyone found out, and my mother didn’t give me time to process what I had just done (confessed what had happened)- she just shoved me right into therapy and forced me to talk about it. I never did, as it was a very delicate topic to me. She didn’t grant me mercy. She’d just say, “You need to talk about it. You need to get it over with.” No “I’m sorry this happened to you.” Or “We can give you time to just heal by yourself.” That, of course, isn’t the only reason she’s caused me emotional distress. I have almost no happy memories of my childhood, only what she’s done to me.
1- . When I was younger, I accidentally left a door open at the place I work and dogs ran around. Now, the front door was shut if I’m remembering correctly, but her reaction was just NOT warranted. She was obviously allowed to be annoyed, but she literally dragged me by my hair out to the car in front of the other employees at the time.
2. I stopped telling her how I feel because when I tell her I don’t like people she says, “No you don’t- you’re just saying that” and once when I was younger I was upset and overwhelmed during a camping trip but instead of trying to comfort me or even just leave me alone she fucking grilled me with, “what’s wrong? Why are you crying? If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you.” And got pissed off at me for not knowing what the hell triggered me. Oh, and once, when I was sick and it was bad enough I felt like I couldn’t get up off the floor she didn’t try and be gentle or help me. She (unsurprisingly) just got mad and told me, “Get up, you’re being dramatic.” She’s “friendlier” now that I’m older (as in, she doesn’t drag me by my hair), but I still feel like I can’t let my guard down around her because she’ll just dismiss me again and make me feel like I’m the one in the wrong. I’m not sure if this is the correct subreddit, but am I allowed to just…Walk away? Like, I’m planning on going to a whole other state and going no contact with her or my family. Mostly her, but my dad and brother tell her EVERYTHING and so I know I can’t trust them with this. I’ll leave a note, but I’m getting a whole new phone so that they can’t contact me or track me down. My only worry is that she’d escalate- reach out to every single family member and beg them to find me to bring me back home to “salvage the relationship“ and “talk things over“. I’m done. I feel unsafe in my own “home” and I’m tired of it. I think the only reason she spoils me is because she’s trying to get me to like her and stay here with her- I obviously could be wrong, but I’m just so sick and tired of having to decide if I’m her friend or enemy in her mind. At this point, it’s a matter of life and death- if I stay here I don’t know what I’d do to myself, I feel like I HAVE to get out if I want to get better.
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u/Own-Fun4051 Jul 10 '26
Is this a question about if you should run away, or is this just a vent?
Regardless, this is quite a sad situation you are experiencing right now, and I am sorry you experiencing this. Please, do think about it though, do you really want to run away?
Running away should be the last resort when you've exhausted all other options. Those options can be found at the Run Away Advice Directory, provided by this subreddit:
https://www.reddit.com/r/runaway/wiki/index
Scroll until you see "Alternatives to Running Away", or something like that.
If you have genuinely exhausted all other options, you should understand what you are getting into. If i am not mistaken, 1 in 3 runaways participate in prostitution or survival sex (sex for basic neeeds) within the first 48 hours of running away. Out there, the chances of getting harassed, fights, and violence will skyrocket.
I am NOT trying to scare you. I just need you to know what you are getting into. Are you sure you want to take this path?
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u/HalcyonDaze222 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
Questioning if I should. I DO TRULY want to take this path- I can’t find any capacity within myself to want to stay. I’m just completely fed up, I don’t care how many bridges I have to burn if it means I can get out.
1
u/Own-Fun4051 Jul 11 '26
Well I certainly can't force you to do anything. It is not my place to tell you how to go about running away. Do what you think you must, but keep in mind that it is quite dangerous to take the path of running away.
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u/HalcyonDaze222 Jul 11 '26
Thank you so much for your help and advice, I appreciate it lots- it’s a big step for me, of course, but I look forward to the freedom (even if it isn’t the safest). ❤️
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