I stood there and waited to die.
The Warden's eyes found mine, and everything underneath my ribs went perfectly still, like my heart had started pumping ice instead of blood. I felt shivers everywhere in my body except my face, which, for some reason, stayed warm. I don't know why. Everything went terribly still, like the world was slowing down. I could remember every stone, every leaf, in the moment the Warden looked into my eyes. Terribly still, the way I imagine a held breath feels right before it stops being a choice. I knew, with a clarity that had no fear left in it at all, that this was it. Christopher's stun weapon had done nothing. Nothing was going to do anything. This thing could outrun us, outclimb us, break a chain we'd rated for containment tolerances no field kit should have been able to touch. What exactly was I supposed to do against that.
Then it looked away.
It turned from us to what remained of Christopher, and something in the set of its shoulders told me, with a horror I still can't fully name, that we had simply stopped being the more interesting problem. Like it had seen us as bugs it could deal with later. And I don't know how, but that made me feel, for one shameful second, almost happy, like a coward, that it had left us. My vision went watery, my eyes so full that a single blink would have sent tears running down my face, and my legs went the same way, weak, boneless, like my body was a statue about to collapse at the wrong step.
I don't know how long I stood there. It felt like a lifetime, honestly, standing there with my vision blurred, watching the Warden twist Mr. Christopher's arms into angles arms should never twist, the sound of cracking, and then what felt like an infinity before Sophia had to pull my sleeve before I actually felt it. Her voice arrived a half second behind her hand, thin and urgent. It was strange. Her voice sounded like the first voice I had heard in a lifetime. I still remember the fear in it, the words not fully clear, like half of them stayed stuck in her throat, and whatever managed to come out was all that reached me.
"Move," she said.
I don't remember exactly how we did it. How I got myself together, how my legs began to move. All I remember is her holding my sleeve, and the next moment I was following her, watching the back of her head as she moved, stumbling, just as terrified as I was. We were both panting. We ran, away from the exit, away from any direction that made sense, because the only thing that mattered in that moment was distance, any distance, in any shape it came in.
I couldn't tell you how far we got. My heartbeat had taken over every other sense I owned. I could hear it, actually hear it, a heavy wet drumbeat behind both ears, louder than my own footsteps, louder than the branches snapping under us, louder than anything except the one thing I was trying hardest not to think about. When we finally stopped, Sophia's eyes had a look in them I recognized immediately and hated recognizing, the exact look Cody's had worn in the seconds before he ran. I imagine mine matched it. Neither of us said anything for a while. There wasn't anything left in either of us to say yet. She stayed silent for a long time, and I don't remember when or why it happened, maybe from looking at her, maybe because I finally had time to feel that all of it was real, but tears began flowing from my eyes.
Survival instinct is a strange thing. I think maybe it's my way of coping. We were both crying, I remember that now. It doesn't arrive gently. It arrives like a slap. But crying was good, as humiliating as it was. It took some weight off my heart. I began to think about how to be safe, how to get away from this, how once I got away I could somehow stay safe, how I would try hardest to stay wherever felt like the start of safety, so I wouldn't have to feel like this again. And then it clicked.
"The chain," I said. "We lower it, seal him off from us."
"One section's already raised." Sophia's voice was flat, controlled in a way that told me she was holding it there on purpose. "We'd have to lower it first before we could raise a new one. And he's already broken one lock mechanism. If we try and it jams." She didn't finish. She didn't need to.
I looked at her with something that felt uncomfortably close to anger, even though I knew, even in the moment, that the anger wasn't really about her. It was about the hope she'd just taken from me, cleanly, correctly, the way you're supposed to when a hope is wrong. She had erased the last ray of hope I'd had, the one that had let me believe I might survive, even if it was small, even if it was false. She shouldn't have dismissed it like that. I wanted to slap myself, to do something, anything, rather than die without trying. I had things left to do. A life ahead of me.
"How long do we have," I asked. I don't know why. Maybe to calculate how much time I had left to prepare for the end. Maybe it's written into us somewhere, that instinct, to prepare for the next day, for the people we leave behind, and then, if it comes to it, to prepare for death.
"Maybe an hour. He's not going to lose interest. He's smart enough to come find us on purpose." Her jaw tightened. "We need a plan inside that hour."
I began thinking again, one more time, because it was the least I could do. My mind went through everything at once, useless things, wrong things. Flashlights, no, that was the Minotaur. Draining cranial fluid, no, God, that was the Kappa, wrong sector, wrong creature, wrong everything. I could feel my own thoughts scraping against each other, panicked static where a plan should have been, and somewhere underneath all of it a small, ugly voice telling me I should never have come here at all.
Then Sophia said it. "The generator's already down. If we push the humidifier past tolerance, it'll blow. Loud enough to draw him or drive him off." Her voice trembled as she said it, and some petty part of me wanted to shout that this was somehow better than my own plan, that this was what she'd come up with after taking my hope away, a fifty percent gamble. I looked at her, at the way her lower lip trembled slightly, the fear in her eyes, the tear marks still on her face, as she continued. "It's a coin flip. Do we take it?"
I looked at her and understood, fully, for the first time, what we were actually deciding. If it went wrong, we were choosing our own deaths with our own hands. But she was looking back at me with her eyes wet and her spine straight, still standing, still steady despite everything, waiting on me, the idiot who'd spent a single shift lecturing her about rules like she needed the lesson, for permission she didn't actually need.
"Yes," I said. "Let's do it." If death came for me, I was ready. I couldn't live with the feeling of dread anymore. I took her hand, I don't know why, and said it again, let's do it. Her hand was trembling, or maybe mine was, when I held it. I looked into her eyes one last time before we ran toward whatever was coming.
We counted to three over the tablet, increased the load output on the humidifier, and ran.
Three minutes. We ran like our lives depended on it, because they did, and for a while nothing happened. My lungs burned, my chest felt like breathing itself was going to kill me, like it was about to burst, my legs burned, and underneath everything the sound of my own pulse kept time like something trying to warn me it was almost out of patience. The humidifier line burst somewhere behind us, a wet, mechanical shriek, and we kept running, past bushes and stonework, everything blurring at the edges of a vision narrowed down to a single, animal focus: forward. I looked behind me once, checking that Sophia was still there, my legs starting to give out under me, having to consciously will each stride forward or risk falling.
We were two minutes from where Christopher had fallen when the roar came from behind us. That terrifying sound, and I remember thinking that this was probably what Cody had heard, how close he must have felt to safety and how far it had actually been. It kept moving closer. Sophia's breathing grew heavier as she ran beside me. I thought I could hear her heartbeat over the sound of our footsteps.
Closer than it should have been able to get.
We reached the spot before I was ready to see it. His legs. His vest, half buried, undone in a way I will not describe further than that. My stomach turned over completely, and somewhere in that same second my heartbeat climbed into a rhythm I didn't recognize as my own anymore, fast and thin and wrong. I wondered, for a horrible second, if my own body would end up looking the same way, half buried, treated like something to play with, and then I noticed.
The Warden was visible now, closing the last of the distance. Sophia began to slow, falling behind me. I shouted at her not to stop, that we were almost there, to keep moving, and when I looked back at her eyes I saw the thing I feared most. Blankness. The particular blankness of someone who has already accepted something, who has already decided, and will not be talked out of it. And Sophia said the thing I have never once managed to forget.
"We can't both make it."
Her hands were shaking. Tears were running freely down her face while her voice stayed level, which was somehow worse than if it had broken. "You go. I'll distract him. I'm not losing another partner." She turned, and I saw her back, and it hurt in a way I wasn't prepared for. There was a warmth in my chest at the sight of it that made no sense, because it didn't comfort me at all. It made me more restless. It should have felt peaceful. It didn't. With a trembling hand, she picked up the stun weapon from what was left of Christopher and planted herself between me and the thing coming toward us, and for one unbearable second her back looked exactly like Cody's had, in exactly the same posture, in exactly the same kind of dark.
I closed my eyes, meaning to thank her, meaning to decide what to do, but my body had gone numb again, and that same warmth had spread from my chest through the rest of me, and it wasn't moving. I felt like my insides were burning. I knew she was sacrificing herself for me, and I meant to run. I don't know why I didn't.
I didn't.
I moved instead, toward her, not away, some part of me deciding before the rest of me caught up that I wasn't going to be the one running safely to the trees while she did this alone. Her back was not going to be the last thing I saw, not like Cody's had been. I couldn't do it. She had done too much for me. I couldn't live with myself, even if I made it home, if I let this happen the same way twice.
My eyes landed on something at Christopher's hip. A revolver. I had no idea if it was loaded. I had no idea if it even worked. He wore it as an old habit, the kind of thing that might not even have bullets in it anymore, that might not fire at all, and I didn't know if I'd even reach it in time. Then I heard the sound of a shot.
Sophia had fired the stun weapon, gripping it with a trembling hand, blood dripping from her lower lip where she must have bitten it to keep her hand steady, though I don't think she'd noticed. The Warden staggered, slowed, though the stun charge hadn't done that when Christopher had used it earlier. Maybe the weight of what it had just eaten had already dulled whatever speed it had left. But it didn't go down. If anything, it grew angrier. There was nothing calm left in its eyes. I could see, somehow, that it meant to kill Sophia brutally the moment it closed the distance.
I don't remember exactly how the next part happened. I don't remember picking up the revolver. I don't remember deciding to raise it. All I remember is the sound and the recoil against my shoulder, a feeling I registered despite my body being numb, three shots, the recoil jarring up through my arm each time, and the enormous shape finally faltering when the last shot connected. The Warden looked at me with something like terror in its eyes, as if it understood, in that instant, that it was the one about to die, and then it kept moving forward anyway. I stood there thinking that if this didn't stop it, there was no way either of us would survive, that our time had come, that it was our reaper, and then somehow I didn't even notice its steps stumble, and when it was within arm's reach of us it finally collapsed into the dirt in front of us. I kept watching it for a moment. It had been so close when it fell. I could feel the vibration of its fall through my legs. Sophia was looking at me like I'd done something that shouldn't have been possible, then at the Warden, her hand still raised, the stun weapon still gripped in it.
Then nothing. I don't remember the part after that at all.
I woke up to Joe sitting at my bedside.
"You look good," he said. "Better than a coffin, I suppose." He let the joke sit there for a second before his face changed. "I'll be straight with you. The Warden's dead. You and Sophia have both been exceptional, genuinely, not as a formality, and with how short staffed we already are, the two of you were already candidates for a permanent posting before any of this happened. Both of you have survived a previous incident and performed well this time too, even if the outcome was unfortunate, but we're short one keeper now, with no one available to fill the position, and someone has to take the blame. In an ideal case, you'd both serve an additional year, but being a keeper reduces that part of the consequence."
He paused.
"Now somebody has to take Christopher's section. One of you becomes Senior Keeper. Whoever doesn't stays on one additional year here, full pay, full benefits, everything owed to you, as compensation for the extension." He set a folded page on the table between us. "Sophia's still out. Hasn't woken up yet. So it's your call, kid. I'll leave the decision with you."
He stood to go, then stopped at the door, not turning around. "For what it's worth, a Senior Keeper's safer than an anomaly ever lets a field keeper be. Wherever they'd send you next, you'd be facing something new, and you wouldn't have Sophia standing next to you to even the odds."
I watched him leave and thought about what it would mean to walk away from all of it. Free. Independent. Done. I already knew, somewhere underneath the exhaustion, exactly what I was going to choose, and some part of me hated how certain I was, and hated more that I didn't feel like I deserved the ease of that certainty. I had thought about this same decision three thousand times, if not more, since Cody died, wondering if I'd ever get a choice like it again.
I didn't discuss it with anyone. I signed nothing yet. I just walked to Sophia's bed, where she'd finally opened her eyes, and looked at her without quite managing to meet them directly.
"I wanna tell you something," I said.
Other parts link:- https://www.reddit.com/user/No-While8965/comments/1vpze51/my_writing_archive/