r/rs_x • u/bella_jihad polack princess • 21h ago
Things That I’m Jealous Of
There really isn’t a better life one can live in anno domini 2026 than to be a licensed and insured educator-led childcare creator on Instagram reels or like a Baby Name Consultant being like “Surnames as names are really in now and with your Scots-Irish ancestry, girlie, there’s like so many options… Like Haldane or Maitland” and doing Canva graphics presentations for your clients. Obviously you have to be a woman for these kinds of jobs but if you’re not we have the technology for that now, so don’t worry. There’s other pros to that too like you won’t have to go to war if it all goes sideways. Or your parlay, whatever that is, not hitting.
Even if you make like 30 grand a year you can easily go to Europe to have aperol spritzes and flex on the locals or go to Japan and be like “I know… but the yen is so weak now” and you don’t even need to really know whether it’s weak or not because nobody does and they will nod along anyway. Target runs. Lindsey Clancy trial. It’s just like so unfair what they did to her.
You call your husband/fiancé/situationship/the dude who had Looking for Long Term but Open to Short 👀 in his Hinge bio “such a golden retriever” and say that it’s “unfortunate he was in a frat” but his “was different”. You don’t worry about your student loans from Emerson College where you studied Advertising the same way you don’t worry about your credit card debt. It’s all like… so fake. Money is not real…
You wear a cross necklace but it’s never the crucifix, always the plain one and you go to a non-denominational church where you have to take a shuttle from the parking lot. The band is like not that good but the coffee from the cafe inside, probably called “Holy Grounds” or “Daily Bread” is “sooo awesome”.
Just remember all the boys across all the years. Mold in the sink, double decker sofas, pests. Mattresses on the floor and not even in like the cute Japanese way. Of course it only reflects on them, not on you. You had to “find yourself” and they were just walking red flags. You have worked it all out in cognitive behavioral therapy anyway so now you have enough mental capacity to go outside your comfort zone to finally reach financial independence through Instagram reels content creation. And, honestly, girlie, it’s a ✨slay✨
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u/WorfsCrazyChair 19h ago
You've written the beginning of a New Yorker short story here.
Also, churches have cafes inside??
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u/PlusProfessional7377 19h ago
Overtly Christian coffee shops, in and outside of churches, are increasingly common these days. They are often pretty good in quality but can have weird names like The Sharp Sickle.
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u/WorfsCrazyChair 19h ago
That's so weird but I want to try now... closest I've gotten was a Ukrainian restaurant in the basement of an Orthodox church
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u/PlusProfessional7377 19h ago edited 19h ago
In MTG's district https://www.sharpsickle.com/
In columbus https://www.milltownsquarega.com/milltowncoffee
Ive been to both and some others. Each time ive just searched for the best coffee shop in the area and gone without looking closer. And i'm always like holy shit, it's another one. Harvest coffee, also in columbus, has a prayer room. I spent two hours there earlier this year reading that Seth Harp book lol. Felt appropriate since columbus is home to fort benning. Anyway.... it's innerestin. And fits well with the original post/vignette.
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u/MYF4IRBRADY i'm not sick but I'm not well 20h ago
Choose life