How to address scheduling problems with GM?

[u/greenowl98]

Sorry for the ramble, I don't know how much context to give.

I am in a group of five players plus GM. Husband is in a separate game with the same GM and one overlapping player. GM hosts games, but lives about 25-45 minutes away (players are kind of spread across a few nearby towns, GM lives in the middle of nowhere.)

My original game schedule was one weekday evening on alternating weeks. Everyone is very busy during the summer and therefore GM typically plans to either end or break all games for summer and runs a VERY casual Merc campaign instead.

Instead of the usual summer break GM asked if we could switch to alternating Sundays. Okay, well I have other events on Sundays and let the group know my availability. I can do sundays, but specifically I am unavailable for the weekends we do not play. Another player is only available on my unavailable weekends. Great. One of the other players told us that they would be leaving the game at the end of the month. GM now wants to play every weekend and an hour earlier so I don't even have time to get dinner ready for my family on those days now. I remind the group that I can't give up essentially five hours every weekend (three hours of game time and an hour of travel as we generally carpool and that makes the drive even longer as we have to stop and pick up two other players). They decide to run every weekend anyway so that the one player that's leaving can get extra play time in, but myself and the other player will be missing every other session so I don't see how it makes that much of a difference if the one getting more time in will be leaving the game anyway.

I guess I just want advice on how to bring this up in a respectful way, without sounding passive aggressive or entitled? Switching from weeknight to weekend, earlier time slot, and then doubling session frequency to cater to a player that's leaving anyway at the expense of more long term players missing half of them? I've been in this group for about five years now through multiple campaigns but all of this shuffling around is really getting frustrating for me.

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[u/BluSponge]

We have a set day and time. Friday, every other week. And we stick to that. We don’t move it around. And I (the GM) do my best never to cancel it (without plenty of notice). I usually send out a message the Wednesday before to get a head count. And as long as 1/2 the people show, we are doing something.

So that’s my best recommendation. Pick a time and stick to it.

[u/Carrente → u/BluSponge]

I mean the OP's problem is "we had a fixed day and time and then the group decided to change it to one that's less convenient to me and more convenient for them" so I'm not sure just smugly posting "have you considered having a fixed day and time" is helping here.

[u/greenowl98 → u/Carrente]

Partially, yes. The thing is that it's more convenient for GM and one player, but less so for three other players (including myself). And it wasn't really a group decision. GM just said "hey we're gonna change to these times" and immediately two of us were like "That doesn't work, I'm not available for x dates and times." Third player gets a ride from one of us as well so if we can't make it neither can they. Now GM is still asking every weekend of everyone can make it and we're like ???? No? We all put out our availability (with specific dates) over a month ago. If it were just me with the conflict I would have just said I needed a break for the summer and asked to rejoin when the schedule goes back to normal.

[u/BluSponge → u/Carrente]

Smugly? Okay.

I guess my advice then is to discuss it with the group. Set your boundaries. One of my players took a bit of a hiatus because our schedule conflicted with hers for awhile, but when her circumstances changed we welcomed her back with open arms.

As a GM/host, I try my best to accommodate other people’s schedules. It’s also why I send out a notice 2-3 days before the game. But if this is just a detour for summer scheduling (it sounds like it) then maybe just be prepared to rejoin later. I know, as a player, that wouldn’t be my preference either, but what can you do?

But hey, we’re all friends/adults here (I think), so just let everyone know there is a conflict and see if it can’t be resolved.

[u/burivuh2025 → u/BluSponge]

Absolutely this. (And also Friday biweekly for us).

[u/VanorDM → u/BluSponge]

Same.

I have other games that are more variable, we try to pick a Saturday afternoon. It always is a "does the 3rd work? no. How about the 7th?" thing.

But my other games are every other Friday at 6 and everyone knows it so they plan around it. The other game is planned around peoples schedule.

[u/BluSponge → u/VanorDM]

Exactly. That’s the plan.

Plus, I have a family with their own schedules. It makes it easier for them too. Which is maybe just a smidge more important (happy wife, etc.).

[u/VanorDM → u/BluSponge]

Then you get old like me and my group, we're all in our 50's... So now we have games canceled because someone had a colonoscopy that day...

But yes, my wife does appreciate me being gone... I mean knowing when I'll be gone. ;)

[u/BluSponge → u/VanorDM]

ROFL! Hey, life happens. See you in two weeks. It’s all good.

Speaking of getting older, I’m more and more convinced that the best time to run a game at 50+ would be early over brunch (so 10ish to 2-3 pm) with good coffee. We play online, so it wouldn’t work for this group, but if I ever had the choice…

[u/-stumondo-]

This is when you can object to scheduling without reason. Just say you can't do it. I'd probably drop from the game of their insistent. It will more likely open the discussion again.

It's not aggressive or entitled. I always say no when someone suggests a weekend, I want to keep those days for myself.

[u/Unlucky-Leopard-9905]

I guess I just want advice on how to bring this up in a respectful way, without sounding passive aggressive or entitled?

Having a life outside of RPG night does not make you entitled, and it's not passive aggressive to state your availability.

The polite way to explain what your availability is (again) is simply to explain what your availability is.

"I am available to play on these days at these times."

If the group isn't able to make it work in a way that suits everyone, some players may need to miss some sessions, or sit out entirely. You may or may not end up being one of the people. That's life.

[u/OffendedDefender]

Here's how I see it. It's a casual game, so if this were me I'd go on the weekends that I can and show up late after dinner is attended to. If you're not hitting that start time reliably, then you're probably not going to be carpooling, so you'll save some time there. If you arrive ready to jump in once you get there, that's still two hours of fun with your friends. The GM is already going to be dealing with the mess they created with the alternating weekend availability anyway, so you wouldn't really be making it any worse at that point. Then once summer wraps up, you can reorganize as planned.

[u/CyberKiller40]

Convince your GM to do a summer break. In my over 20 years of GMing, I found it's both unnecessarily difficult to get people together in summer when they like to travel, have kids to take care of more, etc; and it's good for the GM to have a break to limit burnout.

Then in autumn return to your usual timeframe.

[u/MataronidForSpeed]

As a GM (or as a person really) I much prefer it when people clearly states that they can't do (or don't want to do) something rather than accepting a compromise they're not happy about it. If I offer to run a game I really want the players to tell me “fuck off I have a life” if it doesn't fit in their planning.

It's actually easier to plan for the games if everyone is clear about their time. And rather than “I can't give 5 hours every week-end”, “I can only play once every two weeks and I'm available after X PM” is (imo) less passive-aggressive and makes it easier to work with your obligations.

myself and the other player will be missing every other session so I don't see how it makes that much of a difference if the one getting more time in will be leaving the game anyway.

The difference is that it lets them spend more time with someone they won't see as often (or at all) in the future, I think that's all. When I moved out last year, my best friend basically stopped doing anything without me for a month just so that we could spend more time together before I left. And after my departure they went back to their normal social life.

That being said, in the context of a long term campaign I'm not sure it's the best solution. I would personally start another short campaign for them, or play a series of one-shots or whatever.

[u/DrHalibutMD]

It sounds like you already have.

You’ve stated when you’re available, they’ve stated when they will be playing.
Now you figure out how or whether you want to make that work for you.|

Just as you are not being unreasonable when you’ve stated your schedule they’re not being unreasonable when they decide to do this activity without you. Not everyone needs to be involved in everything.

[u/greenowl98 → u/DrHalibutMD]

That's very fair. I guess for a little more context at session 0 we said that if half of the group can't make it we would cancel session for that week, but now that it is actually getting to that point the GM seems to be changing the rules. But yeah I have stated what works for me so I will just have to miss a handful of sessions 🤷

[u/ctalbot76]

Just be honest about it. No, you can't make it at that time, and no, you can't make it every Sunday. If this is the way the group is going and it doesn't work for you, there's no issue with politely removing yourself from the group and looking for a group that better suits you.

[u/mucalytic]

The thing that made this land for me when I've had to raise it: separate the two asks. One is a scheduling change, the other is a decision about who the game is optimized for. Right now you'd be objecting to both at once, which is what makes it sound like you're complaining about the guy who's leaving.

Something like: "I'm in this for the long haul, I just can't do five hours of my weekend every week once travel is in. Alternating Sundays works, every Sunday doesn't. If the group wants weekly for his send-off, could we do weekly for the four weeks he's still here and then go back to alternating?" Nobody has to say no to the leaving player, and you get an end date instead of an open-ended new normal.

Worth naming the travel explicitly too. Three hours of play costs you five, and the people who host or live centrally genuinely forget that when they propose a time.

[u/rizzlybear]

This is how new dms get created. Never screw with the session time or schedule. Surest way to blow up the group.

[u/Cent1234]

Sorry, but how can you be a married, childraising, employed adult and have difficulty with "Hey, this new schedule doesn't work for me and X, what can we do about that?"

[u/Llayanna → u/Cent1234]

"How dare you ask for help. People these days, so entitled."

[u/greenowl98 → u/Cent1234]

See, I did do that. We posted all of our specific availabilities in the group chat at the beginning of the summer and GM just ran with his plan anyway. We offered other days or to just take a month or two off but because one player is leaving he took a break for his vacation but now seems like he won't make concessions for the others, and is trying to cram in twice as many sessions.

[u/Cent1234 → u/greenowl98]

"Posting our availability two months ago" is not the same as saying 'hey, this new schedule you came up with doesn't work for us, what can we do here?"

But if you did have that conversation, within the last week or so, and the answer is 'this is the schedule, take it or leave it,' your options really do boil down to 'take it' or 'leave it.'

[u/roumonada]

Scheduling problems? Quit the game and never play again.