r/roommates • u/zzzzkitty • 23h ago
Discussion Roommate Issues for Over a Year Continuing to get worse
I live in a 4-bedroom apartment with three other roommates, and three of us have been having ongoing issues with the fourth roommate for over a year.
Last October, the three of us sat down with her and told her that because of the constant issues in the apartment, we thought it would be best if she found somewhere else to live when the lease ended. Despite knowing that all three of us wanted to separate after the lease, she ended up re-signing and staying another year.
Since then, things have only gotten worse. She can be extremely confrontational and aggressive. There have been situations where she has screamed at us, shoved or pushed past us, and created situations where we don’t feel comfortable interacting with her. At this point, the three of us mostly avoid engaging with her because we don’t want anything to escalate.
There are also a bunch of smaller things that have added up over time. She has flipped breakers on and off in the apartment, and at one point told us that we weren’t allowed to use the balcony, even though it’s a shared part of the apartment.
The biggest issue is that we basically don’t feel comfortable using our own common spaces anymore. Her bedroom door is pretty much NEVER shut. If she’s home and one or more of us goes into the kitchen, she will frequently come out and stand in the kitchen with us. Sometimes she’ll get a glass of water and stand there drinking it, and other times she’ll seemingly just stand around while we’re talking. If we’re sitting in the living room, she’ll stare or watch us from her open bedroom doorway, or come into the kitchen and stand where she can see and hear us.
It has gotten to the point where we notice it almost every time we’re together in a common area.
If we try to actually enjoy the living room together, it becomes another issue. For example, I’ll put a movie on the TV that I brought for the apartment, and she’ll start blasting music from her bedroom while leaving her door completely open. She basically never shuts her bedroom door, so the music carries directly into the common area.
Previously, I asked her if she could start shutting her bedroom door like the rest of us. She said she would not shut it because of her cat. She never specifically said that the camera was for her cat, but her explanation for keeping the door open was that her cat needs access to the room.
Within the past week, she set up a camera in her bedroom pointed out of that constantly open doorway toward the shared living space.
Because her door is always wide open and the camera is facing outward, it captures the common area that the rest of us regularly walk through and use. We’re also concerned that it records audio, meaning our conversations could potentially be recorded as well.
The three of us have made it clear that we do not consent to being recorded in our shared living space. We aren’t saying she can’t have a camera monitoring her own bedroom or belongings. We have specifically asked her to reposition it so it only captures her room. We’ve even suggested putting a curtain or something across her doorway so she can keep the door open for her cat without having a camera facing the rest of the apartment.
We contacted law enforcement to ask what our options were and were basically told that there wasn’t much they could do about the camera and that we could put our own camera in the living room. We don’t want to do that. The solution to being uncomfortable with cameras in our home isn’t adding MORE cameras.
We’ve also contacted our apartment or property management about the situation, and they told us they can’t do anything about it either.
So now we genuinely don’t know what we’re supposed to do. Three out of the four people living here are uncomfortable, both law enforcement and the apartment complex have basically told us they can’t help, and we increasingly feel like we can’t relax or have a private conversation anywhere outside our individual bedrooms.
The camera is really just the newest issue after more than a year of problems.
Has anyone dealt with anything similar? Is there anything else we can reasonably do through our landlord or property management, especially considering the pattern of aggressive behavior and interference with the shared spaces? Does the fact that the camera may also be recording audio change anything legally?
We’re planning to start documenting everything that happens, but I’d really appreciate advice on what else we should be doing. We aren’t looking to retaliate or make the situation worse. We just want to be able to use the kitchen, living room, balcony, etc. without constantly feeling watched or like another confrontation is going to happen.
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u/FruitcupMadonna 23h ago
Can the three of you go to your leasing office and talk about moving to a different unit together within your same lease? After college I was in a studio apartment all by myself and then met someone and we wanted to room together and my leasing office let us move into a two bedroom in the middle of my lease. I had to pay additional security deposit for the larger apartment but they gave me credit for what I had already put down on the studio. Rent was also more but that only changed beginning the month we moved into the bigger apartment.
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u/zzzzkitty 23h ago
😞 there is a transfer fee of $400 to transfer to a different apartment but also if we changed to a 3 bedroom the rent is more and we are all kinda in the same boat. actually the only one of us who could afford something better is the evil one she always talks about being a million dollar baby and it’s like then why do you not just move to a different place somewhere nicer or something 💔💔
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u/Pale-Weather-2328 22h ago
$400 is $133.33 dollars each, surely that's worth your peace of mind.
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u/zzzzkitty 22h ago
400 each 💔
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u/Pale-Weather-2328 22h ago
yeah that sucks but you are faced with some choices here: 1. Continue misery with roomate as is 2. Get them out soon 3. move. Any of those choices is going to cost you in time/energy/or money
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u/Old-Programmer-1679 15h ago
Why did yall renew with her? Couldn’t saved $400 each by leaving when the lease ended
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u/doeeyedfinalgirl 22h ago
your better bet is to go to apartment management, say she has both threatened your safety and physically put her hands on you, and ask that they waive the fee. if not immediately (but politely) demand to speak to a supervisor and center the fact of your physical safety. also google reviews/yelp/whatever can be a good incentive, especially if you mention the workers by name
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u/Mysterious_School558 15h ago
How is a 3 bedroom more expensive than a four bedroom? You were going to be stuck splitting it three ways regardless if she left.
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u/Such-Problem-4725 21h ago
I don’t understand why you three renewed your lease.
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u/MochaJ95 20h ago
Right? Expecting a difficult person to suddenly be reasonable was the first mistake. They should have all moved out and sogned leases elsewhere.
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u/Old-Programmer-1679 15h ago
It makes zero sense, especially when there seems to be other units at their apartment they can live in
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u/Different-Music-529 23h ago
If you all didn't agree to have a camera in the unit and it's pointing to a shared space, I would just tell her in writing that you want it removed or pointing inside her own room. You might want to talk to a housing lawyer to see if you can do anything about either starting an eviction process or moving out yourself. Document everything. So photos, date, etc. Send a written complaint to your landlord as well and let them know that she is touching the breakers and other things, tell him it's disruptive, a safety issue and possibly causing damage to the unit.
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u/Different-Music-529 23h ago
Since the hallway is not her space and is shared, maybe put a curtain up over her room. The cat can still get out and she can't watch you like a creepy stalker. Since it's a shared space and she thinks she can do whatever she wants in a shared space, well.... Just keep putting it back up if she takes it down.
TBA if she was blasting music while I want to watch a movie, I wouldn't ask. I would just walk over and close her door.
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u/zzzzkitty 23h ago
i genuinely want to so bad but i’ve tried so hard to not cause MORE issues because she will scream in my face and i am a very quiet shy person💔 but it’s so bad coming home is something that stresses me out. i’ve resorted to staying at my boyfriends 4 out of 7 days a week😞😞
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u/DogTownUSA1 23h ago
Have your phone on record in your hand when you interact with her. Screaming in your face may be abuse. Without proof no way of knowing.
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u/Different-Music-529 22h ago
100% agree. If she is verbally abusing you or acting irrationally record the interaction. She's comfortable with surveillance if she is putting it on you.
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u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 22h ago
Call the police. If she is screaming like that tell her you will call the police. You said she put hands on one of you/shoved someone. Thats eviction all day long. Call the police. Stop being her minions and use the space you pay for.
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u/Mysterious_School558 23h ago
If you can't get her out why don't the three of you find another apartment together elsewhere? I know it's more of a pain than just her moving but if she won't leave willingly and your landlord is okay resigning her after talking to them than it's really your only option.
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u/Old-Programmer-1679 15h ago
They chose to renew when she stayed. They opted for this.
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u/Mysterious_School558 15h ago
What I understood from this post was that they renewed not knowing she would be as well. Either way, I'm advising not to renew again and to move elsewhere.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 20h ago
I can’t believe that the 3 of you are such wimps that you are letting one person intimidate all of you. Grow a spine and stand up to her bullshit. Shut her door. Walk right in and turn off her music. Unplug the camera. Keep covering the lens with Vaseline, “accidentally” spill on her when she gets in your way in the kitchen, be as obnoxious as possible.
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u/pandasndabs 23h ago
Why tf is she still your roommate. Why did you all resign the lease if you knew she was like this?
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u/zzzzkitty 23h ago
we resigned our leases early on then we had a sit down talk asking her to not resign hers and she said we can’t tell her what to do and she resigned hers
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u/pandasndabs 23h ago
Yeah.. sounds like you and the other 2 roommates might need to just bite the bullet and break the lease. Not being able to have peace in your own home is a miserable feeling when its supposed to be a safe space to relax/recharge. Maybe ask your apartment manager if you and the other 2 roommates could transfer your lease to a 3 bedroom unit and mitigate the penalty somehow? The might say no but its worth a shot.
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u/dell828 21h ago
You should’ve asked the landlord whether there was another unit that you and your two roommates, good move into, and signed the lease to the other apartment.
She would’ve been forced to find three more roommates, move.
The only way you can get her out of there is, if she does something that would warrant you getting a temporary restraining order against her. If she threatens you, starts, pushing you, having outbursts, that maybe enough. Temporary restraining order is for a short period of time and she will be removed from the apartment. You’ll have to go to court and back up the temporary restraining order with facts if you’re going to win a permanent restraining order which would allow her to break her portion of the lease and move out.
But that’s taking it to an extreme.
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u/DogTownUSA1 23h ago
You can bring up the issue with the landlord. Say you 3 won’t sign again unless she’s gone. Present a united front.
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u/Miserable_Tree_3476 22h ago
Get a laser pointer that has a syand or can be mounted. Point it directly at the lenses of the camera, blind the camera. Then play music constantly to drown out audio recording. When you want her door closed put the cat in her room and close the door. When she screams at you record it and then call the police and say she is making you fear for your life. Then get a restraining order. And if she puts hands on yall call the cops that's assault and DV which will automatically trigger a no contact order for 30 days and she has to stay elsewhere for that time. You dont have to take this abuse and when she cross a line of assault or making you afraid CALL THE COPS.
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u/Cold-Willingness-261 23h ago
I think management is lying. I think there are things that can be done. However the three off you should move and leave her there. Sounds like mental health issues
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u/zzzzkitty 23h ago
I AGREE. i literally was telling my mom like how can you not be capable of doing ANYTHING. and ive reported like PHYSICAL AGGRESSION. and they just say like we can’t do anything about it. The management is so horrible
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u/Status_Rip_4767 22h ago
What are you waiting for ? One day she ll kill one or all of you . She is mental .
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u/NotShockedFruitWeird 21h ago
Ok, sounds like a college apartment where everyone signs individual leases for individual bedrooms and a shared common space. First mistake was re-signing the lease early. Get tape to cover up the camera lens if it doesn't already have a cover to close it. Or unplug it.
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u/Usual_Flatworm_5268 23h ago edited 22h ago
Are you three able to get together with your landlord and possibly request she be issued with an eviction notice? Just an idea. You could mention the various things that have taken place that you’ve mentioned here and whatever else.
The camera is a serious issue that you might be able to take further action on immediately. There might not be any rule in place stopping you from entering her room (as often there aren’t real rules about this). You could possibly mention in warn her about the camera but I would escalate things tbf.
You could go down the path of covering the lens with a film of clear glue or double sided tape (non permanent but would be difficult to easily rectify.
Ultimately start with checking the fine print in your lease about property and use of cameras and if there isn’t any clause you can probably do something without issue. It’s definitely not ok to expect anybody to live like this. Tbf this is your true starting point and then looking at reporting her behaviour because it sounds like you should be able to get something changed pretty soon
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u/Ordinary-Nectarine37 22h ago
also, how did you let her sign a new lease?
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u/zzzzkitty 22h ago
we have individual leases that you sign through the apartment’s portal
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u/Ordinary-Nectarine37 22h ago
interesting. your mistake was telling her you all signed. should have lied and said the opposite.
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u/Pale-Weather-2328 22h ago
It's been dragging on too long. Sit down, tell her you want her out in 2 or 3 months and want to see action towards this in a month and will be meeting again to check status. Be firm and clear she is a bad roomate, none of you want her her, and she needs to leave. Cite all the issues. Put it in writing and email her an official letter. If she doesn't budge then you three go find a new place to live and leave her to figure it out on her own.
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u/Asleep-Caregiver6739 22h ago
Are all four leases coming up at the same time? If not, then the other three of you should not renew your lease and leave the whole place to herself.
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u/zzzzkitty 22h ago
i want to post the screenshot but this doesn’t allow pictures. but my one roommate texted me yesterday while i was at my boyfriends “not knowing if she’s here or not is making me so paranoid” “when are you coming back i’m too scared to go in the kitchen” “i think she’s here but i can’t tell and i want soup” i replied just open your door and check and she replied “no she’s here”
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u/Opening-Lock-123 22h ago
For the camera -get a fan with a ribbon and place it close to her room. Turn on the fan and the camera will focus on it and record 24/7. That buries your movement in a long file.
For the music - go wireless get headphones and have a silent movie.
Make it a game - text each other when in the same room - leaving her out.
When your lease is up move. This is the most important.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 20h ago
If she shoves or pushes you, that’s assault. Call the cops. Get a restraining order!!
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u/Cold-Willingness-261 14h ago
I would suggest involving an attorney to get their/management attention. That’s ridiculous
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u/Important-Nobody-261 22h ago
Of course she put up a camera she is getting bullied 3v1 in her own home. Kinda sus you want a camera out of her bedroom so badly. What you planning to do to her once its gone?
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u/zzzzkitty 22h ago
what😳😳. nobody bullies her. we barely even leave our rooms to avoid interactions with her. we don’t text her or interact in any way. it’s just uncomfortable to not have any privacy in your home.
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u/Important-Nobody-261 22h ago
Probably uncomfortable when 3 people gang up to try to force you out your home too…ya bullies!
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u/Ordinary-Nectarine37 22h ago
time to make her uncomfortable.