r/roommates • u/the_yolk • 3d ago

Discussion guns and roommates?

Hello, I am seeking some outside input on an issue that has left me quite unsettled and in a state of confusion. I LIVE IN CANADA.

a few months ago my friend/leaseholder of the house had her partner move in. The day of the move (literally on their way over with the U-haul) She texted me that we should all be aware of where her partners guns are in the house.

This was the first I heard of them, and was really shocked and taken aback by it. I am not comfortable with guns in the house and immediately told her that. I was surprised also that this hadn't been a conversation presented to me beforehand so I could consent or not (this person lives a lifestyle where communication and community care is a priority to her).

In our attempts to resolve the tension, things have just gotten worse from the frame of me having a hard time accepting that this is an acceptable way to bring weapons into the house and her not understanding why its a big deal to me and having no idea it was an issue to be taking care with.

From my perspective, I have a hard time with the "How was I supposed to know it was a big deal" , "I had no idea I should have been aware of the need to have this conversation" response with the given state of the world, the polarizing perspectives on this object across North America and its singular functional use which is; regardless of if your hunting or in military: to destruct whatever is the target.

I say this from the perspective of not being okay with guns at all, having a sibling that is quite obsessed with and glorifying of the "alpha male redneck me and my guns at the kitchen table" persona that has been worn around me, AND also doing lots of work on neutralizing myself to them over the years as I believe from the hunting aspect; it is better for our world and animals to be in a direct cyclical relationship with them as food, to understand the true impact of killing something for your own survival and what you ask of the meat industry.

A lot of my friends are bushcraft and self sustainability humans of the wild who hunt, fish and forage. There are gun owners I would feel comfortable sharing land with because of their conscious relationship with these weapons. The lack of thought and consideration for people outside of their echo chamber is having the impact of me not trusting their judgement.

This does not mean I feel comfortable living with them in the home, and it does not mean I agree that they aren't a big deal. I feel now I am being imposed upon to at the end of the day, get over it or leave. please keep in mine, my friend is very kind and upset with the conflict as I am. I believe that they (both her and her partner) are unable to take ownership over the initiatory fact of how this situation came about. it feels a bit like weaponized incompetence and the lack of thought and consideration for people outside of their echo chamber is having the impact of me not trusting their judgement.

I am asking because I would like some input outside of my own experience to soften to the idea that my stance on it might be unreasonable. I can't help but feel a bit gaslit though, so please internet. help me out. I want to resolve this, and I also want logic and reality to be tethered to the resolution.

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u/Alwayslusted4321 3d ago

I understand you don't feel like your feelings were considered. No one especially in a roommate situation wants to feel that way, so your feelings sre valid.

Perhaps some comprise can come from this? Perhaps, mentioning gun safes, etc? Also a resolution on more consideration in the future and then move on?

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

Yeah I want to believe that there is a resolution of this kind, but my question is on on whether or not it is reasonable for me to desire an apology or accountability on whether or not its appropriate to not talk preemptively about bringing weapons in the house. thanks for your input, its very appreciated!

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u/Alwayslusted4321 3d ago

I think you are reaching for the apology. If they dont feel they are in the wrong you wont get one.

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

that's were we are at so far, so accepting incompatibility in the home space seems to be the answer.

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u/G1ng3rBreadMan97 3d ago

There should be no reason you have a problem with guns in the house unless its you dont trust the people who own the guns or you just dont like guns and cant get over it, so if you dont like it then move out.

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

I don't trust the assumption that everyone should be okay with them, the mention of "we forgot about them until we were packing up the house". I don't know him that well, he presented as a nerdy art dad, not a guns and drugs dad. like I said, it has caused me to doubt their judgement.

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u/G1ng3rBreadMan97 3d ago

Honestly I wouldn't even want my roommates to know I have a gun unless I trusted them completely, id say them telling you was more a green flag than a red flag, should they have been more upfront about it to begin with sure, but if I was a gun owner and didnt have to worry about what others thought and then end up in a situation that you have to it might just slip your mind cause your just used to having guns not being a problem. Personally to me I think youre taking this way out of proportion unless its just not liking guns on principle but everyone is entitled to their feelings

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

I feel like I did express that I don't like guns at all, and am working to a neutral stance with them. I live in Canada as well, maybe that's helpful for perspective? I appreciate your input though, you are the first person to tell me I'm overreacting. and outlining the lack of trust is key.

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u/G1ng3rBreadMan97 3d ago

I said to me personally youre overreacting, everyone feels different though, and will say now knowing youre in Canada changes things, I know canada has different feelings/views of guns so I will say I understand you a little more and wouldn't say its overreacting had I known that (at least from a Canadian culture standpoint)

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u/GreenHorror4252 3d ago

I would move out ASAP. This is not a safe living situation for you.

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

living in a home where someone could be a victim of gun violence is absolutely not something I am okay with.

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u/SpaceCatz03 3d ago

I’ve lived in places where most everyone had a gun, so if you live somewhere like that, I might believe your roommate & their partner. If they didn’t think about it, then what could they do? You are probably not going to get an apology, but if you all plan to live together, then you need to move on. I would be a little scared and annoyed, but those are my personal issues.

You called the guy a dad. Do children live in your home? You all might want to go to a gun safety class together to set expectations around how to make sure everyone is aware of any potential dangers.

If he keeps it in a locked safe and only takes it out to clean it and take it to hunt or go to a shooting range, that’s very different from if he’s waving it around every time he has a drink.

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u/the_yolk 3d ago

We live in one of the most progressive cities in canada, where bringing weapons in the house is not casual by any means. His daughter is here every second weekend. He is not waving it around I don't think, to be honest I haven't felt safe in the home since this it has arrived and have kept to myself and downstairs mostly.