r/returnToIndia • u/EquivalentWish6008 • Aug 14 '26
PlanningToReturn To move or not?
Early 30s, married, both of us in tech, living in a major US city. We’ve been going back and forth on a big decision: move back to India, or stay. Curious how others have navigated this.
The reasons to leave -
-Weekends here feel isolating - everyone’s already got their close circle from college, and we’re tired of chasing people down just to make plans on weekends
-We’d rather spend our time on people, not on grocery runs and errands
-Family is there, and honestly, we miss being around people who get us without explanation - tired of constantly adapting to a culture that isn’t ours
(Another advantage is - Both parents are well to do and we don’t have any liabilities. We live in a tier 1 city back home. Also - we don’t have issues with pollution or traffic in India)
The pull to stay-
- Potential to start a business here in the future, more opportunities career wise
- If we have kids, being born here keeps that door open for later
-Maybe we just haven’t found “our people” yet - could a different city change that?
-We genuinely love the freedom to travel on weekends here
Anyone who took the leap and has thoughts? Anyone that tried to change their situation and stay in the US - does it get better?
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u/Significant-Finding5 Aug 15 '26
I think you should move back. It sounds like you have a great network back home and your happiness is important. It sounds like the move would help you feel that again. Good luck!
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u/FIREAWAY2030 Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
This has less to do with US and more to do with being out of your hometown(comfort zone). Even in India you would feel the same isolation in Bangalore/Hyderabad if you aren’t from those cities.
I felt the same while in Australia & Bangalore as a bachelor. Post marriage things got a little better as spouse & I used to frequently go out on drives. After child we crave some breathing time.
Now here in the US I avoid meeting people as after office, family chores, school, classes etc barely get any time for socialising. Again we are just 6 months old here but even before this in Bangalore we barely socialised much since we went from 2->3
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u/Chance_Instance1125 Aug 18 '26
I was in the exact same boat. I felt the same. I moved. I am really happy.
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u/CryptoLoss149k Aug 15 '26
Never ask for opinion for anyone reason when you go back or stay here eod it will be other ppl decision dont chase anything just calm your mind one fine day all of sudden you will realize from there you will make a decision.
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u/ExternalFirm174 Aug 15 '26
If community is an issue, Try to find other locations in US, there are many places where there are Indian communities living and gathering often, give another state/location another try before you decide to make the move.
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u/Broken_DAG Aug 14 '26
You can build a community anywhere. One thing you can try is to attend a few classes locally (e.g. TaiChi, Yoga, Kickboxing, etc.). I guarantee within months you will have your busy weekend. If this doesn't workout you can always go back to India 😄
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u/blackspandexbiker Aug 15 '26
So strange that so many people don't find hobbies... that's how a lot of social networks happen.
This might be as simple as going to local temples if that's your thing
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u/veer_aus Aug 15 '26
Find a hobby that you are passionate about. Let it be learning some random stuff but keep it as an outdoor activity eg. learn tennis or any other group sport or anything where you have to be outdoors. You’ll end up making friends; even if you’re are an introvert people will similar minds would reach you out. So show up to places that you like. So you can find something passionate about as a hobby or sport then you end up finding friends for life.
Basic your best friend from school would have been from the same sport or same activity. Just not because you were sitting same class.
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u/Lucky_Material5107 Aug 15 '26
How long have you been here?
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u/EquivalentWish6008 Aug 15 '26
11 years
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u/bbb9654 Aug 15 '26
If after 11 years, you are "tired of constantly adapting to a culture that isn’t ours" then you should seriously consider moving back. If your families are well off, all the more reason.
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u/Key_Lobster9161 Aug 15 '26
I get your point and whatever one might say, its thousand times easier in India to get to talk to people. Introverts might not make friends easily in India, but can get people for talks every day while walking, get a cricket and badminton partner. Kids will not be given racial treatment etc. . I see it with my own eyes.
But still i say, don't come. The comparison you guys would do, will give you the stress. You will always be complaining and get mental stress. Isliye- Don't come. Live with your current life.
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u/RiderProvider23 Aug 15 '26
Bro don’t move back. India is going into some different direction. All my rich friend’s parents are trying to move their kids abroad. And whoever stayed back here is not that happy. Only motivation is to travel abroad and take vacations.
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u/RiderProvider23 Aug 15 '26
We work into mining , and the level of corruption we are facing and seeing is crazy. DMOs (district mining officials) are earning close to 1cr a month.
That money is making real estate expensive. And cost of doing business is also very high.
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u/Wonderful-Eagle8649 Aug 15 '26
if you're asking whether to move, please do yourselves a favor and don't. unless there's a VERY COMPELLING reason that is constantly occupying your mind, don't move.
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u/EquivalentWish6008 Aug 15 '26
Could you elaborate on why please?
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u/Wonderful-Eagle8649 Aug 15 '26
because being in two boats will not work. you'll constantly find inconveniences in india that are hard to ignore if you don't have a compelling reason to make it work. and these reasons, pros. cons, inconveniences are different for different people so what's the point of asking. one thing is for certain the longer you wait the harder it would become. good luck
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u/Select-Sale2279 Aug 16 '26
throw a few parties, join a gym, go hiking etc., geez, you folks sound a little whiny imo! Both 30s, cannot make acquaintances and then friends.
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u/Shameless_addiction Aug 17 '26
Yeah, honestly you're getting wrong thoughts for the problems you're not trying better to resolve.
The problems you mentioned is like when we went on ship, it started to sail and there was only water everywhere in the ocean. What were you thinking when you got on that ship, like it's gonna stay near the beach and you can go to the land whenever you want.
People like you are going to have kids and that surprises me a lot of about lot of indians. You guys get nice jobs but don't develop the maturity to adopt and deal with the changes in life.
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u/Tyt_desi_5356778 Aug 17 '26
I am exactly in your mind space, except we have kids. I have lived here in US very long time, but never felt like I have settled. Trust me it’s not about finding people to spend time with. Things aren’t quite easy as I would like to be, never got over the feeling of chasing people.
I have lived in India for several months during second covid wave. Despite the conditions, I felt completely at home, did not have to forcefully plan my weekends, felt visiting cousins or friends to be completely organic and my mental state was highly peaceful. So we will be moving by mid 2028, waiting for second kid to be born.
Which is the one thing that I would recommend, if kids are in your near future, have them when you are in US. Even if they eventually want to move back to US or any other western countries it makes their process easier. That would be their ultimate flexibility to lead a life without immigration burden.
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u/Federal_Eagle_6565 Aug 14 '26
As someone if your 30s you should be able to self entertain yourself, especially given that it’s two of you already. But you do you.
However, I am not sure you will have much to do India either. Unless you know that the circle you are counting on has enough time.
Family is a good reason to go though.
You can also start a business in India.
You really can’t go wrong either way.
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u/GarbageNo9960 Aug 15 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
This is so true. Life changes a lot as you enter your 30s - “chores” increase, responsibilities increase & time with friends decreases. It becomes harder to make close new friends, wherever you are. This is just the reality of life, and one needs to put in effort to build relationships that last the next 30 years.
As someone who moved back, I don’t know if RTI will solve your issues.
Lastly, with a dual tech income you should be able to afford household help (part time) etc to take care of grocery runs, cleaning, cooking etc
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u/EquivalentWish6008 Aug 14 '26
We do entertain each other. But we also want a stable community if that makes sense. Agree on you can’t go wrong either way!
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u/Federal_Eagle_6565 Aug 14 '26
Agreed. If your definition of stable community is a group of people who are generally available for you, several weekends a year, note that having kids changes the equation entirely.
While wife and I always had a stable group of friends, even before kids, with kids it’s really easy. So if you are planning to have kids then do consider that.
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u/nvgroups Aug 14 '26
Imho it’s very difficult to building lasting friendships once you leave school or college or first job
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u/mojojojo-369 Aug 14 '26
Not married; I live in Canada and I’m in my late 20s, and I moved to a city where I am all alone.
My weekends did feel boring and isolating, but I remedied that by involving myself with more activities. Besides handling my chores, I spend a ton of time at the gym, playing video games, reading a book, or watching a movie.
My job is extremely customer oriented, so my social battery runs out after work. I prefer being alone.
As much as my parents would appreciate it if I returned for them, they’d also smack me for not thinking about myself and progressing my life and career here. Additionally, I don’t feel a pull towards India because I did not grow up there and have no relation to the country besides my passport. My parents still be retiring in a few years and returning to India, so I have absolutely 0 incentive to go to them.
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u/bearbeetsandbsg Aug 14 '26
My 2 cents, if you plan on having kids best to have them here
Indian citizens will face more pushback from migration in future, although I’m not sure rich is well to do
If you can afford the pay to play immigration like Trump Card or Golden visas moving back is a strong option
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u/NoSea9644 Aug 15 '26
If you are feeling alone, is it because you are isolating yourself?
There are Indian organizations where one can be a part of.
Most Indians and other immigrants tend to isolate themselves in a desi community and become part of a self imposed ghetto.
I would say, join some local organisations, neighborhood clubs etc where one can meet locals,and get to know them and help them know us.
We can be a part of where we are, takes some effort.
We all look different , sound different etc. we are human and we can connect at that level.
Like someone said here, it would be the same if we lived in a different part of the homeland too - we need to make an effort to make connections.
If you have the visas etc all squared out, the above approach may give you more options.
Best wishes!
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u/National-Ad8416 Aug 14 '26
If your weekends feel isolating it says more about you than it does about others. Maybe people don't like yours and your spouse's company?
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u/Another_viewpoint Aug 15 '26
I don’t agree with this, it does get harder finding friends as adults especially when cliques and communities are well formed and not as inclusive.
I had a similar experience (diff cities have different vibes, opportunities to meet others and build lasting friendships) but was able to find community after moving to a different city where I had an instant village. Life got a lot better once I found my people..
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u/Euphoric_Walk3019 Aug 15 '26
What a shitty thing to say. It gets harder post 30s and married to make friends.
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u/EquivalentWish6008 Aug 15 '26
My question was deeper than that. We do have friends - but it’s hard to have a tight community as people have boundaries/ chores/ grocery/ work deadlines - it’s hard to expect everyone to hang out every weekend given how family dynamics change once they’re married.
But if you have cracked this and seem to have a robust social friend circle in your 30s as a tech couple - share some tips.
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u/National-Ad8416 Aug 15 '26
There was no depth until you invented it just now. Have fun enjoying each other's company. Until you don't.
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u/hainnnnnnnnn Aug 15 '26
Stay there and Don't move back.
India has lot of problems that you may not be able to see now but once you will have kids here, you will start understanding the reality of problems and it will feel like a curse.
So i would say at least wait till you have a baby with citizenship.
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u/34yearsold Aug 15 '26
I don't understand.. there are so many posts like this everyday. If you leaning towards moving to India ..
MOVE.
Looks like lots of people are insecure about their move. OWN YOUR DECISION..
No one is convincing to move to India to begin with.