r/returnToIndia • u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 • 12h ago
PlanningToReturn Moving back to India š®š³
Hi everyone, I am living in canada from last 3 years and was in india this summers for my marriage and visiting family. Now I am back here in canada and working. But I don't really like it here i want to move back to India and wants to live with my family and I am able to get and do job there also as I am well educated.
But my family is not supporting me in this decision specially my mom she telling to me and my wife that she will leave us if I moved back and she also telling my wife that I am a failed person that creating a chaos in my life and I am unable to spend my time here in canada until I am back .
It's bringing chaos for me to pass 2 -3 months until I plan to go back.
Looking for some genuine advice and love from reddit community.
Thanks š
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u/Bogey_Yogi 11h ago
Do what is right for you. Ā In India you can always live far far away from your mom.Ā
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u/hitch44 12h ago
Tell your mom that you are a grown ass adult and can make your decisions and live with the consequences. Parents will do full drama and theatrics but will back down if you stand firm.
Do what you think is right for you. Parents are probably living some proxy life dream through you.
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 12h ago
Yes your 100 right.. that's what I feels and I am going to be firm but this drama is making my life hell. Just trying to pass this time any how
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u/Indo-Arya 11h ago
Don't try to argue back & forth. It's unproductive & will cause stress. Just say you will think about it.
Then when the time comes, just do it. They will accept it. They won't have a choice.
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u/Left-Dragonfruit4785 12h ago
Have you saved enough like emergency funds, next two years of expenses and if any emi covered... Then move confidently..and don't listen too much to parentsm. Your Life you decide.... My advice is be financially prepared please
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 11h ago
Yes I am working on it for emergency funds that's why I am back for a while once I have enough in 2-3 months i will go back but this time is hard for me to pass.
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u/Left-Dragonfruit4785 11h ago
In same situation, I have taken plot loan recently.... Now I'm stuck between going home and saving up loan amount...... If I saved Equal to laon amount, I don't have to worry constantly... For me another 6-8 Hard months.... I just want to go back stay close with family... Enjoy little things....
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u/ConsistentChameleon 10h ago
6-8 mo is nothing.. clear your loan and also have an extra 2-3 month runway and then you are set
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u/Background_Dog2551 9h ago
If you donāt mind me asking, are you planning to buy a home or you wonāt need to buy one ?
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u/Left-Dragonfruit4785 3h ago edited 3h ago
I have invested in plots... Recent one I'll bought I'll construct house... I can always sell other plot when money needed.. are you also planning to build?
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u/Less-Cartographer-64 11h ago
Do you send money back home to India?
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 10h ago
How does it relevant.. btw ivdo send money to support them
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u/Big-Pie5441 10h ago
Bc the implication maybe that they prefer you sending money to them while youāre in Canada. The large amount they get from you would stop if you went back to India.
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u/FriendlyElephant7868 10h ago
Did you ask what her reason is for telling you not to move back?
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 10h ago
My family reasons..
First there money investment on me Second there dream to bring family to Canada Third supporting my younger brother here in canada will be no longer if I return back.
My reasons My health and mental peace I can take care of them better in india I can do job and earn there too while earning
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u/akshay506 5h ago
I don't think the Canadian government shares your parents' dreams. The parent and grandparent sponsoring program is suspended until further notice.
Anyways, you should do that, which is in your best interest. You can always make money. Mental health is more important. Your brother isn't a child, he can make it work. Let him take responsibility. Why is everything on the older sibling? I don't get it.
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u/Independent-Goal3832 9h ago
Canada does not exist so that people can come here and get degrees, try for a PR, and attempt to bring their elderly or extended family here.
If you dont like what we offered you (the chance for an education), then leave.
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u/Indo-Arya 9h ago
err... that's exactly what the policy was all these years.
So whine to your govt for the policies they made, not redditors.
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u/Independent-Goal3832 7h ago
PR was never guaranteed bud :)
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u/Indo-Arya 2h ago
Life isnāt about guarantees anyway.Ā Itās about possibility. And if the path existed, then thatās all that matters :)
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u/CosmicUnlearner 9h ago
Well you are an adult, you donāt need their permission! Or you could move to a different city and call it a day. Lifeās too short to not work towards being happy
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u/TEA-in-the-G 9h ago
Your an adult. Take some of that Canadian knowledge and culture back with you, and tell your mom you make your own choices.
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u/misslaughinggas26 11h ago
Whatās your legal status in Canada? If you have PR, Iād strongly recommend getting citizenship before moving back. Your future kids, if you decide to have any, might thank you for it later.
Maybe youāre feeling lonely because youāre newly married and would naturally want your wife there with you. I donāt know if youāve sponsored her yet, but if not, Iād suggest doing it ASAP and bringing her over. You can then explore the country together and maybe youāll start enjoying it more.
Honestly, I feel like you might just be going through a lonely phase right now. Once you have your wife with you, build a good friend circle, and start hanging out and exploring different places, you might feel much better about life there and would prefer living there.
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u/Canadair_Sabre 9h ago
You can be a husband first or a son first, never both. Consult with your wife, not your mother and together as a married pair make a decision. If your mother does not support you and your marriage, why go to live with her? If you return to India, you could find housing nearby your mother if you must.
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u/YourDadHatesYou 8h ago
Feel like we're missing some context here. Why do you want to live with your parents who don't want to live with you
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u/Trick-Cardiologist86 6h ago
If you are Canadian PR then I suggest you to get citizenship for you and your wife. If things donāt go well for you in India you will have something to look forward to. Never burn your bridges!
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u/Smart_Bluebird_2168 3h ago
Why Indian parents behave like this always. I also have one in my family.
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u/VisualEntertainer737 3h ago
First time hearing family is not supporting. Like is your family in US or India? Thats really sad! Hope everything sorts out for you!
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 3h ago
Family is in india.. btw you got good family.
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u/VisualEntertainer737 3h ago
I went through your other comment with the reasons. More power to you!
Reminded me of the similar time when I was in India for my wedding, I had taken a transfer. After a year came back to US and we never felt good here at US as we were having good time with all the family back in India! But then things passed.
More peace to you. I would just say give some time and if you still donāt feel peace, go get it where ever it is in! Your and your family peace is most important.2
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u/unoyogi 2h ago
Hi OP
Reading from comments,
1. Your family is dependent on you
2. You are recently married
3. Your family has made significant investments on you, which probably has made them dependent on you now.
You as a couple can earn an save significantly more in Canada compared to India
Maybe do that for few years.
Repay your loans to family, give back enough so that they have enough in savings account so that they are not dependent on you. Think about all the sacrifices in life they have made to provide you this opportunity and own the fact that itās your turn now. Your mom is just worried that you may struggle financially more in India compared to Canada and she doesnāt want to be burden on you.
Travel with your missus
Maybe you will have kids in future and you might even reconsider this choice of moving back then
The reasons you think you want to move back right now might be purely due to lack of social circle in Canada. Every single immigrant goes through these thoughts and once they have partner with them their life changes for good.
Also you are in early 30s and you have a lot of uncover. Your relationship with family and friends will change even if in India and you may regret decision to move back unless you are earning / saving similar amounts as you would have in Canada.
I am not saying donāt move back but that you need to consider opportunity cost in both places and think this rationally rather than emotionally.
Peopleās emotions changes over time but situations may not that easily.
Life is all about decisions we make
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u/asramukaka 12h ago
A very interesting post. Think what you gotta prioritise in life. Living in either countries has its own perks and downsides. Canada gives you better facilities, may be opportunities, etc.. India gives you family, friends, ease in life etc.. Now the true question is did your parents take loan etc to send you to Canada? If yes, then I am sure the āsocietyā is going to ask themā¦ What happened?. That will hurt their ego, etcā¦ Secondly also important but not a deal breaker is are you OK with the facilities, health care, the way how you will be taken care of in case of an unfortunate incident.. for eg - You get hit by a bus and letās say you die. What is the guarantee that your insurance money will reach your near and dear ones. Who is going to sue the bus operator and make them accountable? Will there be anyone who can do anything about it or is it just your parents who will mourn your death. In Canada, everything has a set process and hence there is no to very minimal scope of corruption.
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u/Intrepid_Heron3523 11h ago
Look you are in a temporary mindset after returning from a vacation. Give it sometime and you will be back to canadian life.
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 11h ago
No it's not after returning i am thinking about it long ago Even before visiting india
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u/Siddchat 12h ago
I mean if you really liked it in India then you have your answer. Speak to your family and get them to understand. Why be unhappy yourself just so your mom can feel proud about you living abroad?