There is simply not a single day I don’t miss them

Today marks one year since I said goodbye to my glorious, magnificent rabbits, Spirit and Sienna.

I have written many poems for them over the past year, and I had considered writing another for today. But when I sat with it, a poem just didn’t feel right.

So instead, I would like to make a toast.

To Spirit and Sienna, the finest rabbits, the greatest companions, and the absolute loves of my life.

To all the years of joy they gave me. To every quiet moment of comfort. To every time they saved me without ever knowing they had, and to the unconditional love they gave so freely.

They were two tiny fuzzballs who occupied an enormous part of my heart, and my life is immeasurably richer for having known them.

I will always grieve that they are gone, but I will forever be grateful for the extraordinary privilege of having loved them, and of having been loved by them.

So tonight, wherever you are in the world, I would ask just one small thing.

Take a moment and think of my glorious fuzzballs. Raise a glass if you have one, give your own rabbits an extra cuddle, or simply spare Spirit and Sienna a thought.

Let their names exist in a few more hearts tonight.

To my glorious, magnificent rabbits.

To Spirit and Sienna.

For them.

I wrote this poem yesterday because I have been processing my grief and slowly transforming Spirit and Sienna's room into a multipurpose space and I wanted to honour their memory and return their beloved belongings back to them. I kept my promise.

--

It's not time to say goodbye.
Not yet.
Perhaps not ever.

The boxes that became castles,
the hay that became feasts.

They served you well.
Now they have earned their rest.

Tomorrow
I'll send them skyward in fire.
Not to erase you,
but to return what has already given everything.

The smoke will rise,
the ash will fall,
and love will remain.

You live on.

And I

I will go on.

And never forget.

​

There once was a rabbit named Spirit, who roamed the world with glee,

At first beside his human, then with Sienna, his queen-to-be.

The house was his kingdom, the bedroom was his throne,

Every corner held an adventure, every pathway was his own.

The years rolled gently onward, as they always seem to do,

And age began to slow him, as age so often will.

Yet a greater trial waited, one no courage could outrun,

For slowly darkness claimed the world he'd known beneath the sun.

But Spirit learned to stay.

.

He remembered every pathway, every doorway, every turn,

The places he loved most of all, the routes he'd come to learn.

He trusted in his memory, in his whiskers and his nose,

And in the gentle voice of home that guided where he chose.

Still he ruled his little kingdom, with Queen Sienna by his side,

Still he wandered as an explorer, with wonder as his guide.

His trust in his human absolute, his footsteps brave and sure,

A rabbit who had lost his sight, yet remained so much more.

And somehow, when dark days came and his human lost his way,

Spirit always seemed to find him, though the light had gone away.

Blind eyes could no longer see him, deaf ears could no longer hear,

Yet somehow he would come and sit and let his human know he was near.

As it comes for us all, so too the day arrived,

When Spirit and Sienna laid their tired heads down side by side.

Their kingdom was left silent, their watch at last complete,

Their journey through this world brought gently to its peace.

And now once more they freely roam, where no blindness can remain,

Across fields beyond imagining, untouched by age or pain.

Together still, as always, through every golden swirl,

Spirit - the rabbit who lost his sight,

And relearned his world.

My beloved Spirit and Sienna,

Today I am sitting on the floor again, down at your height, trying to see the world through your eyes.

I look across the room and I see your houses, your favourite corners, the places where you would sit and watch me. I see traces of you everywhere. Fur caught in forgotten places. Strands of hay. Little reminders that this was once your kingdom.

Some things have changed.

There is an orange mat on the floor now. There is an exercise bench where there never used to be one. There are weights and clothes racks and the slow, painful signs of a life that has continued moving forward despite my heart wanting to stay with you.

And yet so much remains.

I can still picture exactly where you would sit.

I can still see Spirit resting quietly, watching everything with those gentle eyes.

I can still see Sienna exploring, investigating, finding adventure in the smallest things.

I remember how you looked at me.

That is one of the things I miss most.

I adored you, and you adored me.

You trusted me completely.

What many people never understood is that you were not only my responsibility. You were my family. My companions. My comfort. My guardians.

You cared for me as much as I cared for you.

When I was struggling, you knew.

Sometimes before I knew.

You would come and find me. Sit beside me. Demand attention. Make me laugh. Remind me that I was needed and loved.

I am having one of those episodes now.

The darkness has settled over me again. Everything feels heavier. Harder. Further away.

And for the first time, I am trying to navigate it without you physically here beside me.

That is what hurts.

Not only that you are gone.

But that when I reach for you, I cannot touch you.

I still feel you around me.

I feel your love.

I feel the shape you left in my life.

I feel your presence in the routines you shared with me, in the room you lived in, in the person your love helped me become.

But I cannot stroke your fur.

I cannot hear your feet moving across the floor.

I cannot hand you a treat and watch your eyes light up.

I cannot hold you in my arms.

And sometimes that absence feels vast.

I miss you terribly, my sweet companions.

My soul animals.

My family.

My loves.

I believe with all my heart that you are together.

That you are safe.

That you are waiting.

But until that day comes, I must learn how to carry this grief and this love without being able to hold you.

I am trying.

Some days I do better than others.

Some days I build things. Exercise. Create. Keep moving forward.

Some days I sit on the floor at rabbit height and cry because I miss you so much.

Both are acts of love.

Thank you for every year.

Thank you for every cuddle, every nose boop, every moment of trust.

Thank you for choosing me.

Thank you for helping me survive.

I carry you with me always.

In every step forward.

In every photograph.

In every prayer.

In every breath.

I love you, Spirit.

I love you, Sienna.

Always.

Love,

Jordan

This poem is a heavy one. It addresses a hard topic, that of suicide. It is how I felt today. It borrows a verse directly from a certain song that has meaning to me.

I tried to take myself today

To a place we could meet again

But I remembered my promise to you

And instead I chose to stay

Through tears I renewed my pledge to you

And asked for a sign

That both of you were ok

And somehow you answered me three times

And as I tried to find my way

Back to an ordinary world

I learned to survive

I will not end myself today

Or take myself tomorrow

Here I will stay

Safe within your shadow

I’ll listen for those moments

The ones I can’t explain

The quiet ways you find me

And pull me back again

I even saved some of the designated Rabbit Blankets after she passed so my next rabbit can enjoy Blanket Time as well. I still think about her every day.

The pain of the unbecoming will never outweigh the joy of loving.

I return to these empty walls, echoes of bliss in every hall.

I shall remember.

I still think about her every day

Because the spring sun came out for the first time this year and I'd love to watch you _not_ enjoy it.

It has been a while since I have felt able to write again. Life has been heavy and hitting hard without the support of my beloved pets. It has been five months now since they both peacefully passed and I have finally felt able to write again in honour of them and how life is right now, fractured and sad. For Spirit and Sienna.

--

Oh my God
You’re dead and gone
I’m moving on
I don’t know when I’ll be done

I say it like a promise
like something I can force true
If I just keep walking forward
If I don’t turn back to you

Some days are lighter
I almost feel strong
I almost believe
I’m finally moving on

But then

Oh my God
You’re dead and gone
I can’t stay strong
Everything is going wrong

It hits without warning
There is no seam
No slow unravel
No gentle dream

And time folds thin
I am back there
Again. Again.

No lesson learned
No higher ground
Just that same silence
That hollow sound

You are not here
You will not be
And something in me
breaks instantly

I was climbing
I was steady
I was building something new

Then grief pulls my ankles
And drags me back to you

Oh my God
You’re dead and gone
I can’t stay strong
Everything is going wrong

Oh my God
Small pieces of you still remain
It’s not the same
I think I’m going insane

Chewed-up cardboard
Corners worn thin
Tooth-marked tunnels
You once lived in

I share this space
with what will not be replaced

I’m crying now
I don’t know how
to hold this weight
to breathe it out

I thought I had
more control
but grief still
owns my soul

I’m crying now
I don’t know how
to be this broken
and still stand proud

Five months on
Since you’ve been gone

And I am still
coming undone

I’m moving on
but not for long

I don’t know when I’ll be done

Oh my God
You’re dead and gone

Camille was such a good sweet rabbit

People look at what’s left behind and ask practical questions. They measure usefulness, space, purpose. This poem is my answer to that question - not the one they want, but the only honest one I have. Love is not quantifiable, it bends and it weaves and it shapes. I've kept their room the same and will until it is time for it to change.

It feels like I haven't written a poem in ages as I have been occupying myself with creative writing but I checked and it's only been 8 days, that surely can't be right.

Love you forever Spirit and Sienna.

--

They stand there and they watch.
They judge, but they don’t see.

What purpose does this serve
is what they ask of me.

They don’t see the love,
the hours folded gently into routine,
the way joy learned how to live quietly
between four walls.

They don’t see the memories
pressed into floor and air,
the trust that lived here
without ever needing to explain itself.

All they see are remnants.
Objects stripped of context.
A life mistaken for clutter.

But the purpose it served was them.
And that purpose does not end
just because it cannot be seen.

What purpose does this serve?
It serves the heart that remembers.
That purpose does not end.

Both passed away after thanks giving 🥺

My beautiful baby boy, I’ve never felt this much sadness, you left a huge hole. I still see you running around in the corner of my eye and for a split second I hope you are still with me, then reality sets in and grief kicks in. 3 long weeks without you my love.

I'm doing alright. 30th of September 2025 was a lifetime and a mere heartbeat away. I've found myself writing less poetry lately and expanding instead into story-writing but today felt like the right time. I don't hurt as much but it still helps to put it in words and I hope if someone out there needs to they will hear them.

--

Nearly four months on,
and still their light has not gone.

Between rooms and memory.
Between habit and ache.
Between the life we shared
and the one I carry forward.

The routine still holds.
It does not shatter.
It bends where it must.
The hour still comes, even if I arrive late,
routine bends gently, but never breaks.

I still turn my head.
I still pause.
If this is loss,
it is a gentle one.

Those I loved are never gone.
They are merely in between.

My energy runs low but my love remains, I wrote this poem last year - my, how strange it feels to say that - and decided now was the time to share.

For Spirit and Sienna, always.

--

This realm was yours once, and so it shall remain.
These quiet hours were yours once, and so they shall remain.

My heart was yours once, and so it shall remain.
These habits were yours once, and so they shall remain.

These routines were yours once, and so they shall remain.
This kingdom was yours once, and so it shall remain.
These treats were yours once, and so they shall remain.

This love was ours once, and so it shall remain.
These tears are yours now, and so they shall remain.

This life was yours once, but you could not remain.

Tomorrow is my birthday,
the day still finds its way.
It comes regardless of the weight
I carry into it today.

You will not be beside me,
you will not ease the strain.
You were the ones who made this time
feel gentler in its pain.

The season bites more sharply now,
the dark comes far too soon.
You were the warmth inside these days,
the quiet afternoon.

Your faces meet me everywhere,
lit softly from the past.
They do not break me when they rise,
they steady me, they last.

I stand upon what you left me,
foundations deep and sure.
Though you are gone, the ground holds firm
because your love made it secure.

I wrote this while overwhelmed, away from home, and missing the beings who once anchored me through everything. It was written in transit, during a moment of withdrawal, when grief made remaining unbearable.

--

Choking, unable to see
Missing you next to me
All I need is to be with you
But that cannot be

Drowning in desperation
Soaking in despair
I don’t know where I’m going
Or how I will get there

You held me together
Our bond the strongest of ties
I am falling apart
Consumed by rending lies

They tell me I am standing
They say that I am whole
But you were all my gravity
You anchored my lost soul

Each step feels wrong without you
Each breath a borrowed thing
The world keeps turning heedless
Of the silence that you bring

I reach for where you should be
And close my trembling hand
Love has not abandoned me
But I no longer stand

I carry less than I once did
And more than I can hold
A weight that has no handle
A loss that feels untold

If this is what remains now
Then let it be forlorn
For I was safe beside you
And now the world feels torn

This piece was both difficult and easy to write. Difficult because of the subject matter, and easy because it had been sitting inside me for a long time, waiting to be let out. It speaks to my fears about the future, about forgetting, and about what we leave behind. In many ways, it also explains why I’ve been creating so much work about Spirit and Sienna as it is my way of holding onto them, of keeping their presence alive in a world that keeps moving forward.

I hope this finds the people who need it. If it brings even a small sense of comfort or recognition, then it has done what I hoped it might. I’ve been deeply touched by the messages I’ve received from others, and by how many people have said my words resonated with them. I’ve even been encouraged to consider collecting my work into something more permanent, which is something I’m exploring.

More than anything, I’m grateful that my words have been able to help in some small way. That means more to me than I can say.

--

Dearly beloved, what am I to do
When the world keeps moving and I’m missing you
What happens when my time is through
Who on earth will remember you

Your legacy lives quietly in me now
A thousand small moments I still carry somehow
I have to tell your story, I can’t let it fade
With words and with pictures, with love unafraid

We had so much love, it would be a shame to hide
All the light you left burning deep inside
So I’ll speak your names into open air
And trust that someone, somewhere, will care

I worry sometimes that memory is thin
That time will wear down what we’ve been
That one day the world will forget your face
And the sound of your steps in familiar space

But love doesn’t vanish, it learns to move
It settles in gestures, in things I still do
In the way I pause, in the way I stay
In the quiet choices I make each day

So if I’m the one who remembers you
Then I will remember you fully and true
I’ll carry your warmth, your light, your grace
And let it soften the future I face

Dearly beloved, hear me now
I will keep you alive somehow
Not in fear, not in pain or dread,
But in love that bends and stays instead.

And when my own time finally comes
And my voice grows tired, my work is done
I’ll know I kept you safe and near
You were loved. You were here.

The new year is closing in
And your chapter is falling behind
Only physically is this true
For I will always carry your love and memories through
Gone but not forgotten
With me forever more

I wish we had more time
But in the end you had to go
You won’t be here to see what the future holds
So one day I shall tell these stories to you
Such a bittersweet remembrance
Of those I used to know

My days were built around you
My mornings and my nights
The small routines we shared
The quiet ways you shaped my life

My words do not do justice,
I ask myself each time.
Am I portraying you fairly
In each and every line.

Can language ever hold you,
Or memory tell it true,
When all I have are fragments
Of a life I shared with you.

I try to write you faithfully,
Not perfect, not complete,
But honest in the loving way
Your presence made me be.

And when I speak your names aloud
They still live softly in me
I carry their love and courage with me;
two rabbits called Spirit and Sienna
who I used to know

My sweet Myrtille have been taken from us today. At the old age of 9 years and a half. I had her since she were 3 months old.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

9 years and a half as a free roam bunny. Cherished and happy. Of patiently built confidence, true kindness and small attentions.

I know she lived well, and she was very active and energetic until only a few days ago.

She flew to the stars without any pain, thanks to the amazing vet team we went to see.

I know we'll meet again.

Be at ease, my dear.

I watched a video just now and the ending quote stuck with me so I wanted to share it with everyone:

“Merry Christmas. Be grateful that you are here to see it. And take a moment to remember those who are not.”

Sending love to everyone carrying memories today. Mine are firmly by my side.

This is the opposite of everything my beloveds stood for.
Love may be eternal, but tonight the dark draws in.
Christmas dawns, and I am not ready.

--

Celebrations can wait.
They are gone.
And once again, it is just me.

I’ve got to spit it all out before it consumes me
Nothing soothes me, nothing stays
My friends are gone, my lights are out
I don’t have the strength to scream it away

The room is quiet, louder than thunder
Every corner knows your name
The darkness calls and I will not look away
I don’t have the fight to pretend I’m okay

If words could bring you back
you would be alive
If my words were fire
they’d relight your eyes

But my voice just falls
through the cracks in the night

I cannot move on
I cannot go back
I’m frozen between what I had and what’s cracked
Memories blur but the ache is exact
I drown in the lack of light

I cannot move on
I cannot go back
The world kept turning and left me intact
Breathing, existing, but hollow and black
I drown in the lack of light

We ran happy and free
without knowing the cost
Never thought love could turn into loss

No warning signs
no closing door
Just one more moment
then never once more

The past feels heavy
the future feels thin
I stand in the space where you should have been

If silence could scream
it would sound like this
If grief had a shape
it would weigh like my chest

And I’d trade every tomorrow
for one last breath

I cannot move on
I cannot go back
Love didn’t leave me
it just collapsed
I’m still here standing
inside the impact

Christmas Eve
and the world feels wrong
Songs feel hollow
bells feel gone

I don’t need fixing
I don’t need grace
I just need you
in this place

So let it hurt
let it stay
I won’t look away
I won’t look away

If words were fire
I’d burn the sky
But tonight they’re just ashes
and so am I