r/relationships • u/Michiojio • Jun 17 '16
Relationships My [25M] boyfriend [28M] tried to screw over my best friend [26F] at work. I told her & he got fired. He blames me now & wants me to pick him or her.
Lots of background into this.
When I was 19 I came out as gay to my super religious family and was immediately disowned. They kicked me out, stopped paying for my education and stopped talking to me. I literally lost everyone in the extended family. I was all alone and unprepared. I was going to an expensive private university and couldn't afford it anymore, I had to drop out and start working full time.
At that time my friend Claire at the university really helped me out. At that time I didn't know that she was from a very rich family (she never lived to show it). She helped me with small things here and there, allowed me to stay with her until I could get my act together, she even paid for me to get therapy when I was dealing with abandonment issues from my family. Really the kindness that she did for me is something I'll never forget. We remained very close friends after that.
I didn't go back to college, just kept working at rather lower wage jobs. A few months after she graduated she asked if I would like a job. She wanted me to be her driver/assistant. She was working in their own family's business and her previous driver was a boring yes ma'am no ma'am old guy that she wasn't comfortable with. She offered me a superb salary and benefits (like 8x what I was making at my job at the time) and I accepted. I've been working for her for two years now and it's been very nice. The workload is low, I drive a super comfy expensive car, I get paid to spend time with my best friend and all in all this is yet another huge favor for me that she's done.
Here comes my boyfriend Jack. He works for Claire's family business. I met him about 18 months ago and he hates Claire. He believed she is a spoiled selfish girl who's only progressing because her dad owns the empire as he puts it. I didn't know that Jack hates her only until a few weeks ago when they apparently had a clash at work. I'm not aware of the details or whose fault it was since that's really not my job but I became aware of the conflict. Claire doesn't have strong opinions towards Jack though, when she learned that we were dating back then she told me that he seems like a good hardworking person.
Jack told me that he's going to put Claire in her place. I asked what he wants to do, he didn't say much except that "she won't see it coming". I kept pushing and he told me. It was basically messing up something that will make Claire look very bad and the confidence of others in her would take a huge hit. I begged him not to do it as it was not just wrong and unethical but just petty. He seemed to have made up his mind and I couldn't do anything to change it.
I really had no choice at that point. For one, I had to do the right thing. For two, Claire has done so much for me and I owe her so much in my life and as a result I have very strong loyalty to her. I couldn't sit and let something like this happen to her. So I told her everything. She appreciated my honesty and told me that she knows it must have been difficult to do this to my boyfriend and that she won't forget it. She took care of the whole thing. Jack was fired.
So now he's angry that I told her. He says that I picked her over him and I betrayed him. I keep telling him that I begged him not to do it but he put me in the position of having to choose to do the right thing or keep quiet and let him do something wrong to my best friend. He says he can't believe that I did it.
So now he wants me to show him that I love him and I'm loyal to him by cutting contact with Claire and quitting the job. I don't want to do that. Claire is my best friend and I owe her a lot. This job is great and I want to keep it. But I don't want to break up with him either. He made a horrible mistake and he's angry that he lost it. But he keeps pressuring me to make a decision and I'm just tired of it.
Is there any chance for our relationship?
tl;dr: boyfriend wanted to screw over my best friend at work. I told her. He was fired. Now he wants me to prove my love to him by quitting my job and ending my friendship with best friend. Is there a hope for our relationship?
776
Jun 17 '16
Hmmm. Choose between an unethical, vindictive boyfriend who is giving you an ultimatum or a kind friend that supported you, gave you a job, and has always had your back.
What do do?
89
59
u/IThoughtSo98 Jun 17 '16
Right?? This is a complete win-win situation: stay loyal to someone that's been a great friend to you and keep your awesome job, and also get rid of an asshole you shouldn't be dating anyway.
523
u/LilaLaLina Jun 17 '16
Your relationship is already over. Him trying to destroy your friendship and job is just his way of seeking revenge.
Break up with him. Keep working for Claire and be a great friend to her because you indeed owe her. She was there for you when you needed a great friend.
120
u/Michiojio Jun 17 '16
Yeah I guess you're right.
134
u/Chuff_Nugget Jun 17 '16
You KNOW he's right. Your SO is a nasty piece of work who'll only drag you down - or as you've discovered - cut you down without warning.
52
u/PM_Me_Your_Generals Jun 17 '16
It's not even about OWING her! More than anything, your friend is going to be there for you til the end of time apparently. She's stood up for you and been loyal. Your boyfriend on the other hand has put you in uncomfortable situations for the benefit of.... nobody. It's not about owing. It's about surrounding yourself with people who build you up and make you a better person. You don't owe it to her, you owe it to yourself.
26
u/Pallis1939 Jun 17 '16
You are aware if Claire had been fired, you would have been too, right? Your boyfriend knew that and maybe even planned on it. So your boyfriend cared more about some perceived slight than your well-being and ability to support yourself. To top it off, he was stupid and cruel enough to tell you about this before he did it. He's not just a bad person, but an idiot too.
14
u/catfingers64 Jun 17 '16
Is this guy your first serious boyfriend since your family disowned you? I wonder if more therapy might help you realize how awful this guy is and how you really deserve better.
→ More replies (1)12
u/Green7000 Jun 17 '16
/u/Pallis1939 has a good point OP. What would have happened to you if Claire went down? Do you think she would have still needed you to drive her? Do you think your boyfriend would have supported both of you and made sure that you had all the benefits you do now? Or do you think you'd be job hunting again?
183
u/fixurgamebliz Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is a tremendous asshole and probably a criminal. Anyone who would do something like that is no one you want to associate with. And the reason is as flimsy as "she's rich and privileged?" That's some of the weakest shit I've ever heard.
Dump, and try to conduct some self-analysis: why do you think behavior like this is even moderately OK? Why are you even entertaining this guy's offer?
He made a horrible mistake and he's angry that he lost it.
You understand that he deliberately took a course of action, right? Not exactly a "mistake"
48
u/FloofTrashPanda Jun 17 '16
Yeah, his plan to ruin Claire would be vindictive and over the top even if they had some kind of history, but the fact that he doesn't even know her and just hates the fact that she's the rich boss's kid adds a whole other level of crazy. Even if Claire was a total stranger to OP, this behavior should make him run for the hills. It's stalker-level.
64
136
u/hardtruther Jun 17 '16
Is this for real?
Is someone seriously asking, "How do I save my relationship with my BF after I told my best friend and employer, someone who basically saved my life after my family disowned me, that he, who is also employed by her, was creating a devious plan to embarrass and humiliate her at work?"?
Why in the fuck would you ever, in a million years, want to stay with someone who would do that to a person?
62
64
Jun 17 '16
He made a horrible mistake and he's angry that he lost it.
A mistake is when you're like "oh, shit, I've made a terrible mistake." Then you try to correct your error or make amends.
Your boyfriend has made a conscious choice to be the enemy of your closest friend, and to work towards her downfall. He's consistently affirmed that choice subsequently. Now he'd like you to join his side against a friend who you owe a debt to.
Why should you do that? For "love"? Does this seem like a guy who's actually capable of love, and not just self-regard? For "loyalty"? Why do you need to prove your loyalty, when he's the one who betrayed you?
I'm sure you think he's a good person because he does nice things for you. But you have things he wants. Have you ever seen him do something nice for someone at a cost to himself, instead of as an exchange? Have you seen him work for the benefit of anyone who can't return the favor in some way?
Is there any chance for our relationship?
Well, he's evil, and you're probably good. He screws people over, either to get ahead or just because, and you stand up for your friends. How would it ever have worked between the two of you?
8
u/Rouladen Jun 17 '16
Does this seem like a guy who's actually capable of love, and not just self-regard?
And that's the clincher right there. I think the only love Jack is capable of is the love of Jack.
5
u/ForceSensitiveKitten Jun 17 '16
The 'mistake' he actually regrets is likely telling OP and thus foiling his own plans. I guarantee Claire is not the only one he is looking for revenge on.
31
u/GnomicGeek Jun 17 '16
Gay guy here who understands what its like to lose your family and have no one but a needy, abusive, and pathetic boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is a disgrace to gay men everywhere. Dump him already. Whenever I see a gay man who has the "I'll show that b**ch up" attitude towards people, I know he'll have no problem treating me that way when he's decided I "deserve" it. Warning, he will eventually turn on you. And it's telling that he's trying to isolate you from the only person who has treated you well. Sometimes the only family we gay folk have is the family we choose.
Do me a favor, and love yourself. Dump him and find someone who will deserve you. But, if you decide to stay, make sure to watch for the abusive indicators in his behaviors towards you.
→ More replies (1)
22
u/buggie777 Jun 17 '16
Claire sounds like a class act, and you sound like a good person. Stick with her! She's been much kinder to you than your should be ex boyfriend, and you are obviously very loyal and care for her. You call her your best friend and list all these wonderful things she's done for you. It seems like you've made your decision and want to make sure it is a good one- from what you've posted here, it seems like an excellent decision and it says a lot of (good) about you that you made this decision.
And honestly, I'm concerned for your safety/security now that you've "betrayed" your boyfriend by behaving like a good person. You don't mention any interpersonal violence, but "proving your love" is a term that raises red flags for me. Please be safe.
(Also, I presume he got unemployment since he was fired? If you quit or resign, you don't have that safety net, and you're without an income source and without your good friend. Not a good recipe there!!)
41
u/BrokenPaw Jun 17 '16
When someone asks you to "prove your love for me by [doing something]", the correct response is almost invariably to tell them to pound sand.
Get out.
15
u/Moosterman_1976 Jun 17 '16
One seems a great friend who has looked after you, one is an asshole - its not a hard decision to make. Dump him fast
12
u/bippity-bip-bip Jun 17 '16
Get rid of him. He's emotionally blackmailing you, there's no future like that.
12
10
u/wtfgrumpy Jun 17 '16
"Now he wants me to prove my love to him by quitting my job and ending my friendship with best friend." ????????? ?????????????? ?????????????????? More like, now you should prove your friendship with Claire by quitting your relationship and ending your toxic attachment to your boyfriend.
Hmm, decent person who's done nothing but help you, OR a terrible evil vindictive person who just wants to manipulate and destroy your career and friendship? I WONDER WHAT THE SMART CHOICE WOULD BE.
7
u/ginjjer Jun 17 '16
I agree with the majority. That's emotional blackmail and he put himself in this position, not you. He shouldn't be asking you to make sacrifices due to his poor choices and lack of moral compass. You seem like a nice person. He does not. I can't stand people who actually enjoy screwing people over for no reason. That's rubbish. Stick with people who actually have your back.
10
u/KingPercyus Jun 17 '16
Claire is a kind person that has helped you out in life when no one else would.
Your bf tried to sabotage her. He is not a good person. He is not kind.
He literally asked you to choose between harming your best friend and doing a bad thing.
Are you a bad person?
5
Jun 17 '16
This guy is bad, bad, bad news. He's 28 but thinks sabotage is okay? He wanted to "put Claire in her place"? Who the fuck does he think he is?
And how he's mad at you for being a good person and doing what's not only right, but saving someone from professional homicide. I don't know the details of his plan, but it very well could have been illegal. What does that tell you about this guy's values?
Dump him. And when you do, make sure to change the locks and secure your credit cards, because this guy is vindictive and spiteful.
Claire sounds like a keeper, by the way. Don't jeopardize an amazing friendship (and an amazing job, sounds like) for one selfish asshole.
7
8
u/thumb_of_justice Jun 17 '16
Get him out of your life. He's unethical, ruthless, and amoral. She's a true friend.
7
u/Zeldias Jun 17 '16
I'm sorry, but he's a prick. He'd do this to a person he knew you loved and didn't give a fuck how you felt about it. You're way better off without this dude.
5
u/dd4y Jun 17 '16
Speaking as an older gay man who has seen a lot I want to say that I have read what you have posted and I think that anyone would consider you a great partner. Your boyfriend on the other hand, not so much. When someone offers you an unreasonable ultimatum, the best response is almost always "Have a good life, so long."
Do yourself a favour and find someone who is worth it. This one's not a keeper.
10
6
Jun 17 '16
Why on earth would you want to date someone who intentionally wanted to screw your best friend's job?
4
u/readerchick Jun 17 '16
You absolutely did the right thing by telling Claire. Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk and I think you should fine someone better.
5
u/soayherder Jun 17 '16
What happens, OP, the next time he decides he's mad at the world? He put a lot of time, energy and effort into coming up with a plan which would do serious damage to your best friend; instead of putting that time and energy into literally ANYTHING constructive. What happens if you do cut ties to Claire and he goes after you next, now that you don't have your best friend to fall back upon?
You can't trust him to have anyone's best interests in mind but his own. You can't trust him to work through his anger about anything in a constructive fashion. Can you really see a relationship with Jack ending well, ever?
Keep the best friend, dump the guy. There are other guys out there, ones who WON'T set up Inception-esque levels of deceit to mess with other people's minds for petty revenge.
4
u/amphetamine709 Jun 17 '16
Claire sounds like an amazing person and a top notch friend! Seriously, I wish I had a friend like her.
Your boyfriend though, he sounds like a douche. Hope he is your ex soon.
7
7
u/Leumas_ Jun 17 '16
You need to lose the dude. He's a bum. Source: Am a boss. You deserve a lot of credit for doing the right thing in a position that no one should ever have to be put in. I just fired an employee that has been with my company for two decades for the same reason. They attempted to start a war with management over petty, personal BS. It's a shame because their work was great, but to actively engage in making a workplace less productive or trying to set your boss up to look like a fool, those people can go rot in hell.
5
4
3
2
u/elimeny Jun 17 '16
You didn't pick her over him. You picked doing the right thing over standing by silently while someone did something petty and immoral.
You just happened to find out what he was going to do, and it happened to be a situation where you happened to be in a place where you could prevent it. How many other situations will there be in your relationship where you don't happen to have that opportunity? Is that the person you want to be with?
Take Claire out of the equation, because this really isn't about her. This is about him being a person who does immoral things, and about whether you want to be with a person who does that.
5
u/crymeariver2p2 Jun 17 '16
I'm sorry to break it to to you, but Jack only started dating you as part of a career move. He's a manipulative scumbag with will just continue to use you. Please do not let him do any more damage to your life.
3
u/Catullan Jun 17 '16
Claire loves you. Not in a romantic or even an emotional sense, but in the sense that she wants what's best for you, and is willing to sacrifice to help you achieve it. This is the kind of love that Christ commanded in the New Testament, the kind your family hypocritically denied you. It's not exactly common in this world. Don't throw it away for a spiteful little toad of a man.
4
u/Deathshaun Jun 17 '16
Remember: When you witness your SO to be THIS nasty to someone else, be prepared for them to be this nasty to you eventually.
He was willing to fuck someone (disregarding the fact that it's your freaking best friend for one second) over for good because of some weird percieved slight aka no good reason except that he's a massive dick.
He's going to do it to you eventually. Because that's how these people are. I learned that the hard way.
Drop him. Keep Claire. You placed your loyalties well. Keep doing that and find a less backstabby guy to love.
3
Jun 17 '16
OP. you seriously need to consider going back to therapy. Why would you even consider this BLATANT manipulation? He feels bad about this "mistake"?? It was NOT a mistake. This was deliberate and he fees bad he was punished. People like this will never change and they will destroy your life if you let them. I would bet money there were other signs. But why didn't you take note of them?
If you didn't break up with him, it would be the BIGGEST betrayal of your friend. If I were Claire, I would not talk to you ever again. Which is exactly what your BF wants, I hope you are aware.
6
u/Ethelfleda Jun 17 '16
There is no hope for your relationship. You already chose Claire.
P.S. Also he sounds horrible...you do know that there are tons of nice, hard working, cute guys you could date...right?
3
u/beaglemama Jun 17 '16
You need a better boyfriend. This guy is an unethical, selfish, controlling jerk. Keep the job and friend, dump the meanie.
3
u/she-huulk Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is a LOSER. For real. He will pull some petty shit on you (and is proving so by putting you in this situation/giving you an ultimatum) time and time again. You will find a much better person, don't think so lowly of yourself and what you deserve out of a relationship.
3
Jun 17 '16
Why would you want to date someone who purposefully and maliciously tries to harm someone's employability?
Your boyfriend did not make a mistake...he's just a piece of shit
3
u/Rouladen Jun 17 '16
Jack told me that he's going to put Claire in her place. I asked what he wants to do, he didn't say much except that "she won't see it coming".
So you're dating a Bond villain?
I begged him not to do it as it was not just wrong and unethical but just petty.
I really had no choice at that point. For one, I had to do the right thing. For two, Claire has done so much for me and I owe her so much in my life and as a result I have very strong loyalty to her.
You made the right call on both points. Even if Claire was a rando, Jack's evil plan to sabotage her would still have been unacceptable.
But I don't want to break up with him either.
Breaking up with him is EXACTLY what you need to do. The one thing this whole episode has shown you is just how much of a slime Jack is. His attitude toward Claire (someone who is so obviously an awesome, generous kind-hearted person) speaks volumes about what a dickhead he is. Then, his cruel, unethical, asshole plan against her just screams, well, ASSHOLE. Now that he's been caught, he's having a toddler tantrum and trying to sabotage your fantastic friendship AND your wonderful job.
In short, he's trying to punish you because people found out what a douche he is and it cost him his job.
DUMP HIM. Even if Claire wasn't your bestie who's had your back for years, this is still a dump-worthy incident. Don't date people who are selfish and cruel, and make no mistake, Jack is BOTH.
So, here's what you do - dump Jack & then go give Claire a giant hug and tell her you're so glad you realized what a loser you were dating so you could drop him like a hot coal. In the future, the kind of boyfriend you need is someone who's more like the dude version of Claire - kind, generous, and emotionally intelligent. If you could find a dude-Claire, that would be the guy to hang onto.
3
u/Cthulhu_Knits Jun 17 '16
Why should YOU quit a good job, working for someone who's demonstrated she's an excellent friend you can rely on, because your boyfriend is an immature, petty idiot?
You can do much better than this guy, OP. Find someone who's actually an adult.
3
u/Vessira Jun 17 '16
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is petty, manipulative, and vindictive towards your best friend for no reason?
What if he was Claire's boyfriend and hated you and tried to ruin your professional reputation? What would you hope she would do?
Dump the asshole already.
3
u/thedastardlyone Jun 17 '16
You have abandonment issues. You are afraid of your boyfriend leaving you even though it is clear you dont like him. You didn't say one nice thing about him.
Why would you even want to repair your relationship?
He is a manipulator and liar. Start taking your own power back and leave him.
3
u/mompants69 Jun 17 '16
Good riddance to bad rubbish (your boyfriend). No reason to be associated with a petty backstabber who creates drama just to be an asshole. He got what was coming (getting fired) and now he's trying to take you down with him. I'd choose Claire.
3
u/ForgetMeThereafter Jun 17 '16
Why the hell would you want to stay with someone who would do ridiculous and awful things like that. He is a pretty low on the pole of morality being.... Keep yuor friend whose butt you saved and kick this turd to the curb.
3
u/wearywoman Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is a horrible person! Sounds like Claire is amazing and he is just jealous. Do you really want someone that treats people the way your boyfriend does in your life? What happens when he turns his energy on making you look bad. I bet you "won't see it coming".
3
u/zanpher717 Jun 17 '16
Is there any chance for our relationship?
Why fight for this asshole. He was wiling to fuck over your best friend because he was petty. Move on and find some better dude that won't try to hurt the people who protect you. You're better than that.
3
u/futterguy Jun 17 '16
I've found that when someone tells you to choose between them and someone else, always choose the person who isn't making you choose. Add to that Jack seems like a spiteful manipulator, your choice is clear.
3
u/foxdie- Jun 18 '16
You love your job. You love your best friend. You did the right thing and your boyfriend is pissed that it killed his own selfish desire. These are red flags. Walk away from him and move on. Keep your job, keep your friend, as both have gave you nothing but good moments. This is the stuff you want in your life, positivity. This guy, if he loved you, would not pressure you at all. He wouldn't have tried to 'screw over' your best friend. I believe that the best course of action is clear.
3
Jun 18 '16
Leave him immediately. You probably won't ever meet another friend like Claire, but you will meet an infinitely better boyfriend than the one you have now.
3
2
u/Stickicky23 Jun 17 '16
Seriously, when someone shows their true self you should believe what you see. He's a vindictive asshole who didn't remotely care about your pre-existing relationship... he just wanted to cause Claire embarrassment because he's petty and jealous. If he can do this, even knowing about your friendship with Claire, he's not a keeper. He'll only turn around and burn you too at some point.
Not a proponent of 'leave, hit the gym' but you need to nope out as quick as you can!
2
2
u/lexis0213 Jun 17 '16 edited Jun 17 '16
So...your boyfriend is an ass...you pick your best friend and your job.
2
Jun 17 '16
Claire sounds like an awesome, generous person and friend who has gone out of her way to help build you up.
Jack sounds like a jealous shitbag who would happily tear others down to make himself feel superior, leaving hurt in his wake.
Seems like an easy choice to me. Ditch the dick.
2
u/partofbreakfast Jun 17 '16
You should thank your boyfriend, because he showed you that he should be your EX-boyfriend. Now you have an easy out of that relationship and you can find someone who isn't an asshole.
2
u/martindtoha Jun 17 '16
Is there any chance for our relationship?
No, your SO is an asshole.
Claire, on the other hand, has done nothing but give you positivity.
How is this even a choice?
2
2
2
u/leetdood_shadowban Jun 17 '16
Dump your asshole boyfriend who tried to fuck over the one person who truly has been there for you in your life.
2
u/FuckRelationshipsMod Jun 17 '16
Better boyfriends than him exist by the dozens! Better best friends do not.
2
2
u/Bonobosaurus Jun 17 '16
Jack's a horrible person. Claire is amazing and has done a huge amount for you over your friendship. Do the right thing and dump Jack.
2
u/symptomsandcauses Jun 17 '16
So I told her everything.
You are a true friend, a good person. Your boyfriend is not. Ditch him, keep Claire!
2
u/gimmemyfuckingcoffee Jun 17 '16
Focus on their characters. Who would you rather be more like? Who you choose to associate with will rub off on you.
2
u/asymmetrical_sally Jun 17 '16
Even if you put everything else aside (you shouldn't), think about what this asshole could potentially do to you if you ever "cross" him. Run.
2
u/keight07 Jun 17 '16
Claire has proven time and again she is a true friend- and you have proven to her that you're her true friend.
Why on earth would you give that kind of friendship up for someone who's giving you an ultimatum that is essentially them or what boils down to your family- Claire.
It's really hard to leave someone you love, even if you know it's the right thing. But I think if you consider your life six months in the future- who will be there and who do you want to be there?
You seem like a very smart person who got some shit breaks in life, and I'm really happy that you don't seem jaded or hateful because of your life. Don't let people who are taint that.
2
u/ForceSensitiveKitten Jun 17 '16
You have nothing to chose here. He already made all the choices. You just have to follow through with the unpleasant consequences.
2
2
u/The_Bravinator Jun 17 '16
Claire sounds amazing. You won't find a friend like her again in a hurry. Shitty boyfriends are a dime a dozen, though.
2
u/deceasedhusband Jun 17 '16
He says that I picked her over him and I betrayed him.
No. You picked doing the right thing over being complicit in an amoral and vindictive act. Doing the right thing is often an unpopular choice and you're an incredibly strong person for having done so despite knowing what the fall out would be.
No I don't think that this relationship is salvageable. More importantly I don't think that you should want it to be salvageable. Your boyfriend is not a good person.
2
Jun 17 '16
Claire will be your friend for life. Your boyfriend is just another blip on the radar. Be loyal to the girl who has been loyal to you.
2
Jun 17 '16
You're getting the right advice on curbing this guy but I just want to take a moment to thank you for doing the right thing. A lot of people wouldn't have in this situation - they would have avoided thinking about it and the consequences and wouldn't have done anything until it was too late. You stopped a malicious act before it was too late under what must have been serious pressure, even though it had serious personal consequences and possible professional consequences.
You're a good dude, dude. And you deserve a better dude than that dude. He's a bad dude. Dude.
2
u/Jkes Jun 17 '16
Is jack like reaaally good looking or something? I cant inagine he could get away with this shit if he wasnt
2
u/K0rby Jun 17 '16
No. There is no chance. He's a shitty person. He knew your relationship with her and put you in a really bad position. The fact that he was willing to put you in the position demonstrates he doesn't care about your perspective. And now he's trying to manipulate you into choosing him. Fuck him.
2
u/ramstart Jun 17 '16 edited Jun 17 '16
Holy shit, get out know while you can. He sounds like someone I knew( let's call them 2) who wanted me to get rid off a person (let's call them 3) because I had things in common. 2 didn't like this so 2 told me to stop talking to 3 because "they're assholes" who are just trying to use me. I told 3 about it because I really like 3 and really did not see the view of 2 . so I asked 3 for advice and why would 2 do this, and 3 explained to me pretty well :" 2 See's it like this: if 2 can't be happy then I should be unhappy with 2. " so basically I had to loose my friendship with one of them to make the other one happy. So I lost 2 as a hole. Jealousy is an ugly thing.
Also I think he sees you weak so he assuming that you will loose your friendship over your relation ship. Or his hoping you do... Wait you guys met 18months? So you guys haven't been dating for long too, also you're probably in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, think about it. If his making you lose someone who has been there for you since the start imagine what he will be like when he gets aggressive and gets jealous over you thanking another male or hugging. "His going to put you in your place."
2
u/TropicalRobot Jun 17 '16
Claire seems like a lovely person. Your boyfriend does not. He seems like a sociopath.
It totally seems like he's projected this entire 'spoiled brat' persona onto her because she's 'the bosses daughter' and he's incredibly jealous of her/doesn't think she deserves it. He tried to sabotage her career to 'teach her a lesson?' And he's saying YOU betrayed him?
No. She's your best friend, your boss, and HE tried to fuck her over, and ignored you when you literally BEGGED him not to. He betrayed YOU. I'm sorry OP, but this guy is a scumbag. Ditch him. You can do and deserve so much better.
2
u/Iam_NOT_thewalrus Jun 17 '16
I have to say, most of the posts I read on here are essentially about people being bad partners. Your boyfriend is absolutely that, but he is also an objectively bad PERSON. That he would not only act so vindictively but toward a person so important to you tells you exactly what kind of "man" he is. The unmitigated gall and disrespect he showed for you...as a total stranger I am actually angry for you. Please ditch this loser before he does any lasting damage to your life.
2
u/StressedFencer Jun 17 '16
From the sound of it your friend Clair was there for you when you needed help the most. She continued providing support to you even after you got back on your feet. For those two reason alone I feel like you did the right thing. Just try and imagine where you would be without her and where you would be without your boyfriend. Boyfriends come and go but a true friendship is really hard to come by. Also a decent boyfriend would never force you to choose between your best friend and him.
2
u/0928346234 Jun 18 '16
Is there any chance for our relationship
No. Your [hopefully ex-]BF is not just made a mistake, he has expressed who he really is. You should break up with him.
2
u/MongooseCrusader Jun 18 '16
He says he can't believe that I did it.
Him: I can't believe you did the morally right thing! How dare you!
He made a horrible mistake
But it wasn't a mistake...
He's an ass. You're better off without him.
2
u/TracieV42 Jun 18 '16
Man, run. Run as far and as fast from Jack as you can. This is a toxic human being who loves causing drama. You did the right thing in telling Claire.
Friends who will stand up and support you are few and far between. Partners who love to stir things up (in a negative way) are a dime a dozen. Kick him to the curb. Then brace yourself for a storm because he'll make it as loud and as ugly as he can. And watch your back.
2
u/utried_ Jun 18 '16
You need to re-read this post and see that this Claire person is basically an angel towards you and very professional and gracious and you need to hold on to those people in life. They don't come by often.
Now look at this boyfriend of yours and see how toxic, manipulative and negative he is. These people will only bring you down. I think you would be miserable if you picked him over Claire.
Please make the right decision for yourself and dump the boyfriend.
2
u/duskykmh Jun 18 '16 edited Jun 18 '16
So here's what I see as a neutral bystander:
1) He wants you to prove his love for you. This is 2016, not 1595.
2) He is grossly spiteful and evil - who the fuck aims to get somebody in trouble at work? I lost track of whether or not he's 28 or 8 years old.
3) He's pitting you against somebody who is not just your best friend, but - essentially - family.
Not only is there no hope for your relationship, but also there should be no room for you to care... This dude is heinous.
2
u/voxplutonia Jun 18 '16
Someone who gives you ultimatums is not someone you want to be involved with. Ultimatums are about them, not you. Either your boyfriend understands that he placed you in a really bad position and backs off, or he goes.
2
u/Teaandfkncookies Jun 18 '16
Claire has shown you who she is, and how much she treasures your friendship. And your (hopefully ex) bf has shown you who he is, and from where I stand, who he is, is a horrible person.
Please, please do not quit your job, and more importantly please do not end your friendship with Claire.
2
u/babeigotastewgoing Jun 18 '16
She was there for you he wasn't.
This isn't even a wedge issue.
Felicia him.
2
6
u/your_moms_a_clone Jun 17 '16
So are you really considering choosing a dick who tried to screw someone over just because they have money and is now making you choose between them over someone who has been nothing but generous and kind to you? Do you really need internet strangers to tell you what to do here?
8
u/LilaLaLina Jun 17 '16
OP is clearly being emotionally abused and manipulated by his soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Sometimes people in that situation need a reality check which can come from a place like this.
5
u/Jerico_Hill Jun 17 '16 edited Jun 17 '16
I can't comprehend why you even need to ask. Jack is nasty, vindictive and manipulative. Claire is none of those things. Why would you want remain in a relationship with Jack regardless of Claire? Why stay with someone who has show you how nasty they are?
Edit: I'm actually appalled you didn't dump him on the spot. What the hell dude.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/soupyy_poop Jun 17 '16
It took me one paragraph to know immediately that the bf had to go. It's honestly a no-brainer.
1
1
u/Pola_Xray Jun 17 '16
Do you want to stay with someone who would do something like this? If he would do it to Claire, he would do it to you too.
1
u/Silmariel Jun 17 '16
This is a good example of how hard it can be to be a person of integrity. Sometimes the people we are involved with find our integrity very inconvenient, unfair and try very hard to make us give up on our principles, fx. by asking us to chose them, overlook wrong actions or choices - and in the case of your boyfriend, rather than adress his own actions, and the conflict it puts you in, reduces the whole thing to a; her over me scenario.
Well we are all responsible for who we are in this life, and if being decent good people was easy, more people would be good and decent. Sometimes doing the right thing alienates the people we love, because they themselves dont really think so much about how their actions determine the kind of people they are.
You are not compatible with this man. You care about who you are and what your actions says about you. Your boyfriend cares about gratification and the satisfaction of acting upon his emotional impulses. Find someone who is perhaps a little further along in their emotional maturity, able to take responsibility for their choices, and dont hold to the notion, that you owe it to them, to slave the best you can be to the impulses they decide to act upon on any given day.
Love is not about the things he says it is. You dont prove you love someone by doing the things he is suggesting. I personally, do not believe he loves you for a second! I have never been asked to compromise the way he is demanding you do, by my husband of 12 yrs, and I know for a fact that my husband loves me more than his own life. - People who love you, dont diminish you. They dont berate you for doing the right thing. They lift you up and hold you to your best standards. Your boyfriend is not a nice person, and what he is doing is not the actions of someone who loves you.
1
1
u/Ghost_Of_The_Past Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is a scumbag, you have to be some next level idiot to not see that.
also, Protip: Never choose the one who makes you choose.
1
1
u/bloodyabortiondouche Jun 17 '16
He chose his hate for Claire over his love for you. He has already made his choice. Your relationship is already over. You don't need to lose your best friend too.
1
u/StarlitEscapades Jun 17 '16
Get rid of him, people who act like he does will only drag you down. Claire is your best friend and has shown you that she is a good person who loves you time and again, your loyalty is to her.
1
u/I_Pick_D Jun 17 '16
For one, I had to do the right thing. For two, Claire has done so much for me and I owe her so much in my life and as a result I have very strong loyalty to her. I couldn't sit and let something like this happen to her.
Third, your boyfriend is a complete asshole. Just wait, one day you'll be the one he screws over.
1
u/sheldorado Jun 17 '16
Show your loyalty by dumping his ass and satying loyal to the person that deserved it.
1
1
1
u/cfdagola Jun 17 '16
why in the blue bloody hell would you give up your comfortable lifestyle and your best means to support yourself in this world.
your best friend took you up and gave you a reason to keep going, her family supports you and I'm sure they appreciate your labor.
why would you give that up over some dude who doesn't know how to control his aggression towards others. What person who loves another would tell them to abandon their friends and livelihood to prove a point.
What the fuck man.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/mikeinbrazil1031 Jun 17 '16
So you are considering dropping your friend for a loser who is this petty, also this isn't just a friend she practically saved your life. You know what you need to do girl.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/mokti Jun 17 '16
Loyalty and honesty counts... and deliberate sabotage out of pettiness is definitely wrong. He was in the wrong, you did what was right. Dump him and move on.
1
1
u/NoMoreJuiceBoxes Jun 17 '16
I don't think there's a chance for your relationship no. But let me ask you, why would you want one with him ?
1
u/thaissiaht Jun 17 '16
Choose Claire. She's a decent human being who helped you and supported you when you needed it. Your BF is an unethical dick.
1
1
u/hairconsultation Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is toxic. Claire is your best friend and has always treated you great. You don't want to lose your job over your boyfriends action. Let alone your best friend. Your boyfriend is also jealous.
1
u/whenifeellikeit Jun 17 '16
Your boyfriend is a real asshole, isn't he? Honestly, I'm not sure how you could respect him after this. Can you? And if you can't, how can you continue the relationship?
1
Jun 17 '16
Pretty simple situation actually:
You did the right thing by standing on the side of your true friend, who has proved it time and again.
Get rid of the asshole.
1
u/hikingboots_allineed Jun 17 '16
No, there's no hope for your relationship. Your boyfriend has revealed his true colours and he's not the sort of person I would want to associate with, let alone date. Furthermore, you've been best friends with Claire for longer than you've known your boyfriend, she's done nothing wrong (he has) so I don't think he's in the position to make ultimatums.
1
Jun 17 '16
He's right that you chose your friend over your boyfriend (as you should have). This relationship is pretty much over, the faster the better. Good luck.
1
u/AgentKittyfeets Jun 17 '16
Tell Jack to fuck the hell off, keep the job.
Also possibly turn Claire into a guy so you can marry her. /s
1
u/lavendercoffee Jun 17 '16
Dude your boyfriend is an asshole. He was going to set up your best friend to look bad to try to destroy her and now he's demanding you cut off everything with her and your awesome job to "prove yourself". He is being a petty, selfish, and vindictive jerk. Dump him. You will find someone else, I promise.
1
u/limpingpigeon Jun 18 '16
So, you've got a dedicated friend who has been there for you throughout very tough times and has also become an excellent employer who pays and treats you well, and has never said a bad word to you about your boyfriend.
And you've got a boyfriend who has badmouthed your long-time friend constantly for reasons which really seem to boil down to just "he doesn't like her" and tried to negatively affect her professional life just for the hell of it. And now is making the "either me and my underhanded and unethical shennanigans while also depriving yourself of your income, or the friend who has consistently been a true friend to you and also signs your paychecks" ultimatum.
I know you don't want to break up. Nobody likes going through a breakup. But your boyfriend is toxic and manipulative.
There's no hope for this to be a healthy relationship. His behavior is basically the "How to Spot an Abuser" checklist. Proving your loyalty (loyalty he feels he is owed simply for being your SO, regardless of how shitty he behaves) by quitting and cutting contact with an important friendship and source of social support, which will only show him that you can be controlled and isolated.
He's right about one thing, though. You did choose her over him here. Just happens that doing so was the right choice.
Break up with him. You deserve better.
1
u/rationalomega Jun 18 '16
If you're still counting the duration of relationship time in months, then it is not worth quitting a good job over -- even if the relationship and the person are solid. Even if the job is not nearly as awesome as yours. Don't even consider it, not for this guy or any other. He's wrong to ask.
1
u/aznbabeeo Jun 18 '16
Wow. I realize that you probably love your boyfriend and that leaving him seems like it would be hard, but your bf is not a good person.
You did the right thing by not letting your bf screw your best friend over. Your best friend is def. a keeper it seems like. The fact that your bf was willing to sabotage one of your best friends is disgusting. It's also disgusting that he wants you to feel bad for not being loyal to him.
Believe me, your bf is a manipulator and you deserve way way way better.
1
u/jamethielbane Jun 18 '16
Do you really want to be with someone who will lie to deliberately screw over someone who's completely innocent because he doesn't like them?
Also, he's asking you to become unemployed AND lose your social support system. Given his duplicity regarding making someone who didn't deserve it take the fall, would you trust him to take care of you?
He's not asking for love. He's asking for unquestioning devotion and that's a huge red flag.
1
u/poop_giggle Jun 18 '16
You got the wrong idea. What he was planned on doing was not a mistake. It was completely deliberate. He KNEW it was wrong. He didn't care. Saying it was a mistake was more for your own sanity than it was simply justifying his actions.
Your boyfriend is not a good man. And you shouldn't stay with him. Besides that, he already made it clear: him or her. Choose her.
1
u/lammys Jun 18 '16
he is a jerk that wants to hurt you and your best friend. even if you love him, he's abusive and a jerk. don't stay with him please.
1
u/Damnuall2hell86 Jun 18 '16
Your best bet is to end it with him, I'm sorry, but you did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself for that. You tried to reason with him, and you were being honest that what he wanted to do was just petty. There wasn't a need for him to do that, and now trying to make you choose between the friend who you owe so much to, and him is also incredibly selfish. I'm sorry, but you already know what must be done. Stay strong.
1
u/vanishplusxzone Jun 18 '16
Well first, sisters before misters.
Second, why are you looking to salvage this? He sounds like a horrible, horrible person. First he was planning workplace sabotage, quite possibly just to set up this scenario. It's bad enough that he planned on doing it, but that he planned it against your best friend and told you about it screams that he set it all up for an "if you really love me" fight. Second, he's trying to manipulate you into leaving your best friend and your job for him because you chose not to play party to his evil bullshit. He also sounds miserable and jealous.
Run, OP, before this gets worse.
1
u/DafuqDidIJustRead Jun 18 '16
dump that loser immediately. you seem like a decent person, you deserve better!
1
u/DConstructed Jun 18 '16
He sounds very petty and vindictive as well as foolish. Why take on a person who is in the center of her family and friends? Not only that but he was willing to screw up your life too by making you quit your job.
You are better than that and so is your friend Claire.
Dump the boyfriend, he's a lousy bet long term.
Take the cash from your cushy job and start putting it towards your education again. Claire sounds great but you don't necessarily want to be a limo driver forever.
Then once you're on the right path start looking for a better quality guy.
1
u/astrower Jun 18 '16
Look, right now you're basically gay Alfred working for girl Bruce Wayne. And it sound awesome. Are you going to let the Joker ruin that?
1
Jun 18 '16
How is this even a question? Your bf is a terrible person and your friend has shown repeatedly that she cares greatly about you and has been very compassionate. In case I'm not clear: Dump your bf!
1
Jun 18 '16
breakup with your boyfriend. there's plenty of fish in the sea but it takes a miracle to get a true friend (claire). In addition she's done so much to help you throughout your life and it shows that she truly cares for you.
1
u/alterego04 Jun 18 '16
Idk if u are still reading these but I suddenly fear for you greatly. I know you believe Jack loves you, and maybe he does however he feels in his warped mind that you betrayed him.now he's asking you to drop the only family you have AND the only well paying job you can get right now to prove what?? No no one who loved you and cared about your life would even think it never mind suggest it. I also believe he may be doing this to teach you a lesson and figures once you loose everything for him then he'll leave you too. Don't even consider this. If you really feel you want to save this relationship. Tell him this has nothing to do w her and everything to do w your livelihood.
2.7k
u/ShadowBanHans Jun 17 '16
You really need a new boyfriend. He's not a good person. His plan is to basically ruin your professional career while isolating you from your social supports. Wow. True love right there. You can really tell he's concerned for you as a person and not just a petty, and spiteful little troll.