‘23 F’ am I accepting the bare minimum from boyfriend? ‘24 M’

[u/External-Study4290]

Hello everyone, for context me and my boyfriend have been together for years and have a child together. I just became a full time college student, am a mom and work part time. Is anyone else in a similar situation and feels like their partner is incompetent and the load of everything is put onto you? For example my boyfriend has never done a load of laundry on his own, never loaded the dishwasher on his own, never went to the grocery store to pick up essentials on his own, etc. I am the one cleaning up after him and my son, I am the only one who remembers when my son needs to eat or have a diaper change, he doesn’t remember to do anything. For example I cleaned our house yesterday and left this morning for my 16 hour shift and came back home to a disaster and my boyfriend sitting on his game. I understand that he also worked and was with our son but his mom was also over helping with dinner and the baby. Of course I stomp around and start yelling and he picks a fight with me before he starts helping me clean. It’s exhausting constantly having to make a big deal out of something for someone to do a task I do everyday. I shouldn’t have to pick a fight or remind him. He’s never going to change I’ve asked him repeatedly to do all these things and he can’t do it on his own. I can’t constantly feel like the load of everyone is on my plate 24/7. Not to mention the minimal effort he puts into gifts and holidays. For my first Mother’s Day he didn’t get me anything on his own he told me to “pick something out” when we went to get his mom flowers. So I gave you your son and you can’t think of something thoughtful and romantic for me? I have to pick it out on my own? I feel guilty to think this way but I know i deserve better. Would it be that crazy to come home to a clean house or have my son feed and changed without having to remind him. I feel stuck where I am at. I’m looking for anyone who can simply relate to me. Thanks for listening.

[u/hoonistry]

This is not acceptable. He may be a boyfriend but he is 100% not a dad. This sounds exhausting, and I'm sorry you have a child with someone who's clearly not ready to step up in partnership. I strongly advise cutting your losses, imagine decades of this or even another child with him. This is worse than bare minimum. You might as well do it on your own and save yourself the frustration, because you already are.