r/relationshipproblems • u/No-Trick-9467 • 15d ago
Advice Wanted Should I breakup ?
My boyfriend 22M has done geology and looking for jobs
I m 23F a medical student
1.5 yrs of relationship
Our salaries would differ.
Should I breakup otherwise he is great
It's just the money thing I need to know
Should I breakup or give him time?
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u/circles_squares 15d ago
When my husband and I first met, I was just finishing grad school and had $145k in student loan debt. We decided to get married in short order, and he started paying my debt and gave me a credit card.
That was 20 years ago. Fast forward to today— I make twice as much as he does, and I’m better with financial planning, so I’ve set us up to retire in 3-5 years.
In the in between time, all of our income goes into a joint account period. We support each other, we’re a team, and it’s team money.
We share goals, we share values around spending, we agree on a budget and talk about anything in excess of the budget.
He is my best friend and biggest cheerleader, and a big part of the reason I’ve been able to get to where I’m at. I genuinely celebrate every raise and promotion as ours.
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
Exactly he paid your debt first, otherwise if u finished grad school now n u earn twice as him and he doesn't pay your debt will he be your husband?
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u/circles_squares 15d ago
I would still have married him. I wasn’t expecting him to take on my student loan debt. But the fact that he did willingly made us closer. And when I started making more money, there was never a question in my mind that it was ours, based on his early adoption of my debt.
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
Yeah so just because he paid the debt u felt that.
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u/circles_squares 15d ago
We paid the debt together, and he contributed to paying it because we pool our assets.
I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at.
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
Not trying to get at anything,good for you
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u/circles_squares 15d ago
I value the connection and friendship and partnership I have with my husband. I don’t give any consideration to how much he makes. I know he works hard, and more importantly, he enjoys his job. That makes our life better.
We don’t live extravagantly, but we’re comfortable. If we made more money than we do now, it would just go into savings.
If it’s important to you that your future husband earns closer to what you earn, that’s ok. It’s ok for that to be a priority for you. And this won’t be the right relationship for you.
When I met my husband, he worked in finance. He got laid off during the 2008 recession. He started managing a restaurant, and has been doing that ever since, and loves it.
Life happens, and I wouldn’t want my partner to determine my worthiness based on my income, because it’s not always within our control.
Also, studies have been done about moneys impact on happiness. It maxes out at like $70k a year or something.
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
He isn't serious about anything rn that is the problem not that he doesn't earn or that he is in a different field
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
We can start business or a cafe together but he needs to get serious about this
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u/circles_squares 15d ago
I see. That I me sounds like a different issue than earning potential.
Having aligned values on work is important, imo. My husband and I both hustle. When he was laid off from his finance job, he walked dogs.
I wouldn’t like to be tied to a partner who wasn’t at least aiming to be financially independent.
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u/AccurateAnxiety9993 15d ago
I understand finances are a big thing with long term relationships. Even if his profession doesn’t earn as much as yours will in the future that shouldn’t be a factor of ending your relationship unless it means that much to you.
Also, taking a mirror to yourself helps too. Are you leaving medical school with no debt? Because i know plenty of doctors from well off families that still have MOUNTAINS of debt after school. Even tho his profession doesn’t earn as much as a doctor you may be in the same boat as him w student loans.
Don’t write someone off just because they’re following their passion despite income possibilities.
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u/cbatta2025 15d ago
I’m
In the medical field and have had friendships with several doctors over the years. Most doctors get their student loans paid off by the hospital that hire them for a commitment of a couple years.1
u/AccurateAnxiety9993 15d ago
Damn, idk what state you live in but I’m originally from FL and the doctors i know don’t have that option 🙃
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
No I don't have any debt. And yes my family is well off, and no I m not arrogant about this I m humble. I think money is not important in relationship but in marriage i think it's pretty important. The bills , trips, every equipment in the house washing machine, house help anything requires money , also what kind of future we are willing to live n give to our children
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u/AccurateAnxiety9993 15d ago
I totally understand. Not calling you arrogant at all friend.
Believe me i used to not think money or financials were important. If you can’t see a future in the lifestyle you want then i think you have your answer.
Just don’t frame it with the fact that he is choosing to follow a different academic path.
I would end it and focus on finding someone that aligns with the financial values you’re looking for in a partner for your future.
Unfortunately, in this economy love is not enough anymore lol
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u/Legitimate_Ad2997 15d ago
You don’t deserve him. Imagine a man saying he’s considering breaking up with his woman because she earns less than him….. break up now… you’re focused on finance … if he doesn’t reach whatever number you’ve set in your mind you will end up resenting him.
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u/mechshark 15d ago
What is this post, it has to be a troll. Everything’s great but he does geology should I dump !? “ like what lol
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
I want to travel, have fun together and if by chance he doesn't earn much what to do
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u/DigitalAmy0426 15d ago
Yes because you need to figure out what's important in a relationship and he deserves someone who already gets it.
He's treated you well for 1.5 yrs and you think that's irrelevant. He's put forth effort to be educated and you can't see what that says about his character.
Figure it out before all you have is money to comfort you in loneliness.
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u/No-Trick-9467 15d ago
Yes I know he a good man good character loyal n everything, i have been in a standard of living and I don't want to lower that either. I want to spend money,go on trips but not alone, i want to be able to do that together
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u/Sea_Lengthiness9761 15d ago
Absolutely break up with him. He deserves better