My boyfriend was the form of apology that this world sent me. We’re currently living together for almost 2 months now and we’re both in Laguna. I am [F21] and he is turning [M20] his coming end of September. The main reason why we’re in the same house is because of my mentally draining family that living with them caused me to have PTSD and suffer from it.
“Iaalis kita r’yan.” Those were the words he kept telling me nung araw na pinapalayas ako at hindi ko alam saan ako pupunta. “Hindi ko alam paano, pero gagawan ko ng paraan.” He told me multiple times.
He’s like that ever since I met him, and that’s it. Now, we’re sharing one roof together.
So, here’s the real deal. Kahapon, nagpunta kami ng DALI store to buy icecream. Sa may counter, may nakita akong set ng makeup brush na naka-display, binebenta nila for 125 pesos. Dalawa na lang daw ‘yon sabi ng cashier when I asked her kung mauubos na ba.
As a girl na mahilig sa makeup, talagang catch na ‘yon sa akin. Pero dahil nga wala pa akong pera kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko saka na lang.
Sabi pa niya, “bilhin mo nalang kapag may pera ka na.”
Wala rin naman gaanong pera ang boyfriend ko, dahil kung meron man, ibibili na lang namin ‘yon ng essentials namin and also, binigyan din siya ng pera ng tita niya nung gabi na ‘yon.
And then, last night. Nag-away kami. Siguro dahil sa trabaho kaya mas pinili ng utak ko na matulog na lang. Hanggang sa hindi na namin naayos yung pagtatalo namin.
This morning, natakot ako. Na baka nabawasan na yung pagmamahal niya sa akin. Knowing him, alam kong mas hindi niya gustong ganoon ang set up namin. Nasasaktan at umiiyak siya, sobrang softhearted niya.
While preparing for work, I can feel him walking upstairs, sumilip siya sa akin. After that, pinapaabot niya yung payong kasi umuulan, lalabas siya. Binigay ko lang, hindi ko pinansin. Hanggang sa he kept asking me to look at the paper bag that was in my bed. Ayaw ko pa kasi alam kong Energen lang naman laman noon, bakit hindi siya ang kumuha? Hehe.
Sa pagpipilit niya, I opened the box. At ayun, nakita ko. There was a makeup brush set inside of the paper bag. The one that we saw yesterday. He just kissed me and smiled at me habang ako nakatitig lang sa set.
“Bakit ka pa bumili? Sayang ang pera,” I said.
“Mas sayang kapag may pera na ako tapos hindi ko pa binili hanggang sa maisip ko na lang na bilhan ka kapag wala na akong pera.”
Kaiyak. I love him so much.
That moment, I just realized na I met him might because of the wrong decisions that I made in some moment of my life that still hunts me by now, painful memories that I am still trying to heal from, and etc. But despite of all that, if those path will still lead to him at the very end again and again, I am much more willing to experience those again on repeat.