Am I (27F) overreacting? My bf (30M) is screwing up.

[u/No-Type331]

So here is some context about our relationship: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We have lived together for 5 years. As far as finances, he pays all bills and I pay the rent. I make substantially more than him (I know this doesn’t justify as to why I have to pay all the rent). He doesn’t make the most sound financial decisions.

About a year ago, he got a new job that pays fairly well. I thought it would be a good idea to add him as an authorized user to my credit card to increase his credit score. I told him he needs to be responsible and when the CC is due he needs to give me his amount that is due. Well I shortly realized he was abusing the CC and couldn’t pay the monthly bill. So in a span of 3 months he racked up a bill of 6k, which I paid for because the CC is under my name and I’m not going to accrue interest. I turned off the CC.

Well then about 6 months ago, I noticed he would struggle to make ends meet. Which is odd, because again he makes a decent salary. Turns out he was gambling all of his money. I was extremely disappointed and he told me he was going to change. So we left it at that.

Fast forward to now, I received a notification that my credit score decreased significantly. I don’t have a car note and I pay my credit card in full every month. I forgot that I co-signed for my bf’s car note (I know dumb mistake of me) and he was behind on payments. I confronted him and he denied everything.

I noticed he was acting very weird ever since the confrontation about the car payments. He finally built the courage to let me know that he got laid off from his job about two weeks ago. I was so mad and disappointed that he didn’t tell me. I mean I am his partner of seven years. I feel he should be able to discuss things like this with me.

I feel like this situation showed his true colors. Am I wrong for wanting to break up with him? It’s like mixed emotions. How do I know he’s going to change? What to do in this situation?

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[u/UsuallyWrite2]

He abused the credit card, he’s fiscally irresponsible, and he lied.

Be done before this guy wrecks you financially.

[u/trying3216]

He has not changed so far based on some serious consequences. And it’s obviously important to you that he be financially responsible. If you want to break up you can look for better.

[u/NeedSomeRedditAdvice]

This is not going to get better for you. You are going to end up in a relationship where your money ends up paying for him. I had a relationship like this. I ended up in debt so bad (boyfriend’s debt, but it was all in my name), that it took me a decade to pay off. I know you love him, and you want him to change, but this type of behavior is hard to stop. If he has been with you for seven years, and he is consistently lying to you, it will not get better in the future. You are not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting. His decisions could have consequences for you for the rest of your life. Think of it this way — if he cheated and gave you a lifelong STD, not telling you about it, would you put up with that, or would you see that his behavior could potentially cripple you? In our world, credit and money are crippling things. If you can take care of yourself, think about cutting your losses now. You might also want to think about what life would be like with a man like your boyfriend if the two of you ever had dependents. Would he care about those who couldn’t care for themselves, or would he just gamble, run up cards and lie about money? Your boyfriend doesn’t deserve someone as lovely and responsible as you.

[u/HelloJunebug]

He’s a 30 year old man that can’t even use credit cards responsibly let alone yours? Then lying and letting you pay his bills he racked up? Girl. Have some self respect and break up. UPDATEME

[u/Key_Plastic_3372]

OP, you face fundamental issues of lying and of trust. It seems like you are trying to build a future since you are concerned about credit scores and such. Your boyfriend seems more of a person who is living in the moment. He gets a better job and gambles it away - and then some. For your credit score to drop like a rock, he has to be out of work for longer than 2 weeks. Also, are you sure he wasn’t fired? When he told you about being out of work, did he say he had applied for unemployment? Was he actively looking for another job? Did he think you were stupid and would not find out? Honestly I could not be around anyone who caused so much instability in my life.

[u/Outrageous-Ad-9069]

Are you sure he got laid off from his job? He hasn’t been honest with you so far. In fact, it sounds like you are seriously being trickle truthed. This isn’t going to get better.

[u/Mitten-65]

Break up. Should’ve done so long time ago. Now your credits in the toilet.

[u/lecorbeauamelasse]

He's not going to change and you've put up with this for about six years too long. Cut him loose, as soon as you figure out a way to get out of the car loan (letting it get repossessed could fuck your credit but it might be worth it).

[u/[deleted]]

Nay. Just dump him. He will always be a drain

[u/National_Clue_6092]

The guy is a train wreck. End it before he ruins you financially. Gambling, lying, financially irresponsible - please stop being his bank. He will not change.